Love, drugs and teenage troubles
by AddictedPenguin
Summary: Teenagers face a lot of temptations, a simple yes or no is able to decide your life for you. Kidou and Fudou find themselves in a world full of love, abuse, drugs and other troubles adolescents have to face in their lives while growing up. Warnings for (drugs) abuse, language and violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Here I am again, with a new story. You have probably guessed it from the title, it's another one filled with drama.**  
 **Spoiler alert: I promise I am not going to kill Fudou or Kidou again. I hope that eases your minds.**  
 **I am writing a lot of things at the same time, and _yes,_ also a happy story for the two of them. I am only asking for patience and I hope you all will put up with me again while I guide you through their miserable lives once again. I will write something happier for them, I just need some time.**

 **There's a warning for language, drugs and violence.**

 **Please enjoy, and let me know what you think. I've worked pretty hard on this.**

* * *

Fudou staggers through the dark streets of the slum of this city, with just a few working street lights to illuminate the poorly maintained road, until he reaches an old, dilapidated and vacant building. The heavy lock on the door has been broken for many years and squatters, the homeless and some other junkies have free access to the many empty floors of the abandoned building that used to be an office once. Three flights of stairs until he reaches the floor he's staying. The stench of marijuana, alcohol, sweat and urine almost doesn't bother him anymore. On the ground are a small dozen mattresses used by the junkies and homeless people who are coming in and out. Sometimes they are there, and then they disappear again for a few nights. Whether they stay someplace else, have a job abroad or have been arrested, nobody knows. Nobody asks and honestly, nobody gives a damn.

Yo, boss. You alright?" The voice is coming from somewhere in the large, dark room. All the windows are taped up with wooden boards, causing to block all the sunlight, even during the day. The only mere source of light comes through the gasps and holes in the timber. The electricity has been shut down long again went the company went bankrupt, then the scum of the city got drawn to it and settled in the abandoned building, including Fudou and his gang.

"Yeah," The sixteen year old grunts. "'m Fine." He stumbles on to the nearest, shared bathroom, or rather toilets of the former employees. Fudou is leaning with his hands on the sink and looks at his reflection in the polluted, broken mirror. He has a black eye, a swollen lip and the bridge of his nose is cracked a bit too far to the left, probably broken again. He'll ask one of his members later to punch it back into the right direction, but after he had something to attenuate the pain. Laboriously he tries to take off his torn shirt. He has a couple of bruised rips but nothing appears to be broken this time. That's good, he can't afford another visit to the hospital. He fought on the streets with a junkie who was convinced that Fudou stole his weed, he was high as fuck, the crack head. He wants nothing to do with those addicted fools. Sometimes he smokes a joint, along with his group, but _he_ is not an addict and he won't allow any one of his members to get hooked on that dangerous stuff. Fudou feels no sympathy for these losers who gave up their entire butchery for drugs. They lose their home, their family, job, social contacts. Literally everything. Lucky for him, that's not something he needs to worry about. He has nothing, there ain't anything left for him to lose.

He presses a piece of wet toilet paper against his wound, it stings as the hell but the first aid kit they found a few months back is already completely empty. It's not the first fight either he or another member of the gang had. They never go to the hospital, none of them will ever take a step inside. It'd show them that they're weak. Fudou's been there once, but not on free will. He had been perishing in pain for days, not wanting to lose their leader, they eventually brought him to the hospital where they had an emergency surgery to remove his appendix. A few days after they released him, and the only thing that remembers him of the visit is a nasty scar. Whenever someone asks about it though, he'd tell them they stabbed him with a knife. Fudou presses another piece against his right eye, the cold water against his bruised skin feels refreshing. The wounds remind him of when he lived at home with his parents and had to absorb the beatings that were meant of his mother. Fudou was only seven when he was already walking around with countless, unexplainable bruises and broken bones. Fudou adheres firmly to the sink. One thing's for sure, the life he is living now is much better than it was when he still had a "family". He will never go back to the evening full of bickering, shouting and violence. He's better off alone.

* * *

Somewhere on the other side of town, the more affluent section, is someone suffering from a different kind of abuse.

"Yuuto," Kidou's father's voice breaks the silence that was hanging between them during dinner. "There came a letter for you today." Kidou puts down his cutlery and makes sure his mouth is empty before he answers the man across the table. "What letter, father?"

"You should tell me." He pulls out an envelope from his blazer and slowly shoves it into his direction over the large table. "Could you tell me what that stamp tells you, Yuuto?" Kidou glances quickly at the stamp of the formal –looking letter. The stamp is brown with a colourful, old building on the background. "It looks like it is from Italy, father." The sixteen years old replies, a little hesitantly. "Good observation. Now, what could a formal letter like this addressed to you possibly mean?"

Kidou's eyes widen behind his regular, transparent glasses. He started wearing them after he outgrew the goggles Kageyama had given him. He keeps them at a special spot in his room, still. His hands are trembling as he holds the envelope in his hands, it has been opened already. His father read it before he could. "They want you to play in the League in Italy," Mr. Kidou holds up his hand and waits for his son to return the envelope before he continues. "we've discussed this matter before, Yuuto." There's a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"I didn't ask for this! It must have been coach's doing! Father, I would not do this without having your permission."

"And you are well aware you do not have my permission, but worry not, your loyalty to the Kidou family warms my heart. It was your old Commander who arranged this, it seems he sent these letters long before his death so you would get scouted." Kidou balls his fists tightly under the dining table, out of sight of his father. Kageyama did this for him? He must have known before he sent these that he would not survive until Kidou's graduation year in high school. That thought saddens him, he had been prepared for his own death, but at the same time he feels joyful. His Commander went through this much trouble just for him to get scouted by a team from abroad. It confirms for him that Kageyama had cared for him all those years, even if he chose winning over him in the past. He truly had been a good man.

"It is certainly a kind gesture that he would arrange this, but as we know now; completely unnecessary." Kidou watches him as he tears the envelope. He didn't even get the chance to read it with his own eyes. "Because we made an agreement, didn't we, Yuuto?"

Kidou grinds his teeth but respectful as he is raised he answers his father as if he is expected to. "After graduation I quit soccer and focus on my studies so I can take over your company some day."

"Excellent, and?"

"Soccer brings no benefits for the future and thus I should focus on my career. The best way to do this is enrolling to the university next year and start as an intern at your company."

"Our company, soon enough my son." His father picks up his cutlery but he doesn't eat. "Something else, did you get your study results back today?"

Kidou flinches subconsciously, he hoped he would have been able to delay telling his father about his test results, since he only knows his grade for Japanese so far, and it's not the kind of result his father will be pleased to hear about. "Just one, father. Japanese," He hesitates, lowering his gaze to his unfinished plate. His father patiently waits for him to continue and something tells Kidou that he is already aware that his only son failed to live up to his expectations once more. "A 96, father."

"The people in the Kidou Financial Group must always be at the top. You once told me that you would fulfil your obligations as part of the Kidou family. I kept my promise regarding your sister but I haven't seen any progress coming from you in return, _and_ you are still playing soccer. Sometimes I doubt your true intentions, my son."

The young boy scoffs quietly. "You told me to leave everything to Kageyama, that makes me question the value of your judgment" Kidou immediately regrets his words, this was a dangerous move. "Father, I— my sincerest apologies father, I did not mean it like—"

"You can leave now, Yuuto. We are done talking for the day."

"But father…!"

"No. Please leave your phone on the table and retreat yourself to your room. I do not need you and your filth speaking mouth in my presence. We will continue this conversation once you have learned how to respect your elders. Now go."

"Yes, father." Kidou places his red cell phone on the table, bows and proceeds to leave the dining room; his head ducked down in shame. "You will never be a part of _my_ family with this inappropriate behaviour." His father says softly, but loud enough for him to hear. Kidou shuffles slowly towards the staircase and puts his hand on his stomach. Right now the only regret he feels is that he wasn't able to finish his plate. He'll have to wait for the lunch at school tomorrow, because he's quite certain they will not be serving breakfast tomorrow morning.

* * *

"Bread, oranges, tomatoes, eggs," Kidou mumbles to himself whilst checking if everything on his list is in his shopping basket. One of their maids slipped on the wet floor when she was cleaning the bathroom and it caused her to sprain her ankle. Instead of asking another maid to come to work on her free day they made some simple changes in the schedule and gave the injured girl some simple tasks she could still fulfil. Kidou offered to do the groceries for them. It's early in May and Kidou wouldn't mind to walk home again for a change, he'd do the shopping on his way back to the mansion after school. "Oi, you over there!" An employee calls out. Kidou raises his head, there's an employee holding the arm of a boy around his age. Ripped jeans that appear to be rather worn out than stylishly torn like a lot of teenagers wear their jeans there days, an oversized _Addidas_ vest and a mohawk. "Let me go," the boy struggles in order to free himself from the man's grip. "I didn't do anything!" That voice! Oddly enough it doesn't surprise Kidou in the slightest that he runs into his old teammate whom he hadn't seen in months here. He stuffs the list in his pocket and heads into the direction of the commotion. "Did you find what I asked for?"

Fudou turns his face towards him and grins broadly, to him it doesn't feel like coincidence either that they meet each other here. They always seem to find each other in times of need. "Naturally. Do you think I'm stupid or something?" Without any effort Fudou adjusts to the situation. "Don't answer that. I got the chocolate you like, by the way." Fudou empties his pockets in Kidou's basket. "Wanted to surprise you but this fool thought I was trying to steal it."

Kidou sighs deeply while letting his eyes slide over the acquisition Fudou just gained to his own groceries. "I told you that it makes you appear more suspicious than you already exude, maybe if you'd get rid of the mohawk it'd help, and you didn't get anything _I_ like. You know I don't like nuts in my chocolate."

"Sorry, forgot." Fudou shrugs nonchalantly while brushing his fingers through his hair. "But I like my hair this way." He brings his focus back on the man who had just been trying to stop him from shoplifting. "Whaddya lookin' at, creep?"

"It's alright, sir. He's with me." Kidou smiles while nodding at the confused man. Against his will, he lets go of Fudou's arm and apologises for his mistake, but he still keeps a close eye on the two. "Thanks for helping me out." Fudou says when the man gets asked for help from an old lady. He reaches out for the candy he put in Kidou's basket but the other quickly pulls it away. "Since you were intending to steal it, I'll pay for it this time."

During the time the two of them used to spend together Fudou learned when to protest, and when to shut his mouth and listen to his friend. He realises now it's not the time to argue with him, and even though he doesn't like Kidou's decision; with a silent nod he confirms that he agrees to it. "I refuse to pay for that, though." Kidou points at his friend's chest.

"You noticed." He snickers as he unzips his vest and takes out the cheap can of beer he put there earlier before the employee caught him. "And even if I wanted to purchase it for you, we're underage and there is no way they'll allow us to take it out of the store."

"I got a fake ID." Fudou smirks.

"And they know my age. Put it back and I'll meet you at the checkout."

Kidou purchases the whole lot and they leave the store together. He refuses to let Fudou near the bag until they sit down on the grass together, beneath them are kids playing soccer on the Riverside pitch. Kidou gives him a can with _Pepsi_ and one of the few chocolate bars he bought. "Honestly, you couldn't buy— or rather, steal something more healthy?"

"Wasn't in the mood for healthy stuff." He says while stuffing the chocolate in his mouth. Kidou gives him some bread next, he'll explain the situation later to the maids. Fudou doesn't reject it, he seems to be starving. It makes Kidou wonder exactly how thin he is underneath that huge vest. "Where have you been all this time? I haven't seen you since you know, you got suspended in your first year."

"Yeah, that." Fudou snorts loudly. "Teikoku just wasn't my thing. It's a school for rich kids, I ain't got the money to afford that kind of education anyway. It's pretty exclusive, y'know. They allowed me to finish my years there as kind of apology for what Kageyama put us through during Shin Teikoku, and he promised us a scholarship too after all if we'd join. On top of that, it's always good for the reputation of the school to have someone who won the World Championship graduating. But the suspension in my first year of high school seemed to be a good reason for them to stop my funding, so I kind of couldn't return."

"I see," Kidou breaks a piece off the bread and puts it in his own mouth. "I had no idea, sorry. So where do you go now?" The second year's eyes slide over Fudou's body once more, noticing the absence of a school uniform.

"Oh, you know," Fudou scrunches the empty can in his hand. "I stopped going all together, with the grades I got in only the first few months, there wasn't much of a chance for me in the first place." When he sees the concerned frown on his friend's face he quickly adds: "But I got a job now, a steady one, cooking for some restaurant." It doesn't seem to relieve Kidou.

"A minor serving full time in a cook in a restaurant without any education?" He questions, but Fudou merely shrugs again. "Told you, got a fake ID and shit, and I know the owner. It's a nice guy. I started with just doing dishes, and that was the plan too, but he recognised my value. Apparently there's something out there I'm actually good at." Kidou scoffs and shakes his head. "As long as you're happy."

Fudou gets a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and puts one between his lips. He offers Kidou one too but he kindly refuses. "You're smoking?" Kidou doesn't know why it is surprising him. He should have known, he could have figured it out.

"Yeah," he lets the smoke he inhaled escape through his lips as he speaks. "picked it up from my co-workers. They all smoke."

"And you thought it'd be a good idea to smoke with them?" His tone is disapproving, but Fudou doesn't seem to care, or he's very good at pretending that he doesn't. "It's nice."

"It's bad for your health."

"Is not like I'm still playing soccer." Fudou rests his head on the grass. "You?"

"Yeah." Kidou keeps his gaze on the kids on the field. He recognises one of them, the girl. Her name is Kisaragi Mako, the daughter of a restaurant owner in Inazuma Town's shopping area. She has grown since the last time he saw her, and her abilities seem to have increased. She's a lot faster compared to two years ago, when she helped Endou practice together with her friends. "Going abroad next year to play there? Lemme guess, somewhere in Europe?"

Kidou stiffens, clenching the blades of grass between his fingers tightly. "You're right," he hopes with his whole heart that the laugh that followed after wasn't as fake in real as it sounded in his head. "Italy." Fudou whistles before taking another draw of his cigarette. "Nice, so you got in?" Kidou starts pulling on the grass until he ends up with a hand full of it. "I did." _Liar_. Kidou hates himself for lying to one of his old, best friends. He doesn't know why he's doing it, maybe because he isn't able to admit for himself yet that he has to quit soccer soon. Or maybe it's because he still hopes that his father will change his mind about his decision and will allow him to travel to Italy to play soccer there. It would be a great opportunity for him after all, not everyone gets an invitation to play in a league in Europe.

"Lucky you." Fudou flicks off the ashes from the cigarette he's holding between his fingers. There follows a long silence between the two of them, the atmosphere clearly changed and neither of them is sure how to carry on the conversation. Kidou feels terrible about his lie, and he can only assume that Fudou must envy him. Even though he quit now due the circumstances, Fudou loved soccer.

"If I could I'd take you—"

"Maybe I should—"

They start at the same time, then they both apologise and suggest the other should speak up first. "You go first." Fudou says, after a brief moment of another silence.

"Ah, it's just a stupid thought. If I could I would take you with me."

"Heh," Fudou grinds the butt of the cigarette over the grass to extinguish it. "I know you would. It's nice of you, but you don't have to. Got my job and all, too. It's alright, really." Kidou isn't sure why Fudou would pick his job over the opportunity to play soccer abroad, but then, there might not be a place in the Italian League for Kidou either. There is no need to question Fudou's decisions right now, even though he doesn't support them. Dropping out of school, stealing, smoking and drinking too. What else is there he doesn't know about? They haven't seen each other in months, he never stood still by what could have happened to his friend.

Fudou pushes himself up on his elbows. "Thanks for today, really. It was cool of you." Kidou turns his face to his former best friend, or best friend. He's actually not sure what they are right now. Fudou said often enough that he doesn't have any, nor needs them. But he has always told him that Kidou is special though, and he didn't mind having him around. _"I just hate you less than I hate the rest of the world"_. Kidou smiles when he remembers that line. "Friends look after each other. You'd have done the same thing for me."

The older and slightly taller one of the two shifts closer. "What makes you think I would?" Kidou has to remind himself to keep breathing, but he finds it difficult now that Fudou is this close. He smells like cigarettes and something sweet, probably the chocolate he had earlier. It's a strange combination, but oddly enough, he wouldn't describe Fudou's scent as something unpleasant. "You already have." If Fudou would lean in any closer right now, they would be able to— but Fudou withdraws himself. "So is that it, paying off your debts? Feeling of guilt taking you over now because _you_ got me suspended last year?"

"Fudou, don't be ridiculous. It's not that. You took the fall for me, and I appreciate that still, but it has nothing to do with feelings of guilt. I am worried about you, that is why I am trying to look after you."

"And that's why I haven't heard from you since. You were most likely so bloody relieved when they suspended me. No-one would ever find out your little secret." Fudou snarls, his tone his cold and distant, very different from before, but unfortunately very familiar too.

"They wanted to kick you off, _I_ prevented them from doing so and let you get suspended for a week instead."

"Well, aren't you the friend of the year!" He sarcastically claps his hands together. "Maybe they should have given you a reward or something. It's a pity that all your hard work went in vain, I never returned anyway. Either suspending me or kicking me off, it wouldn't have made any difference."

"You leaving school was your choice, it had nothing to do with me."

"BECAUSE IT WAS SUCH AN EASY CHOICE TO MAKE."

Both guys are quiet now, and so are the kids down at the pitch. All five of them are looking up at the two arguing boys. Fudou stands on his feet again and dusts his clothes off, snorting. "Yeah, listen Kidou, I gotta go. It was nice catching up with you."

Fudou turns away from him, raising his hand, and Kidou watches him leave. He's about to leave again just after Kidou found him. When will be the next time they see each other? Knowing Fudou, it could take years until they finally run into each other again. "Wait!" Kidou calls after him. "Tomorrow, same time, same place?" Fudou stops walking, it seems like he's considering something because he doesn't answer right away, but he's not walking away yet either. "Can't tomorrow." He replies, and pauses again. Kidou is expecting him to leave now, but the brunette actually looks back over his shoulder to look his friend in the eye. "Next week will do. Same time."

"Same place." Kidou falls in, smiling, but the smile quickly vanishes as soon as his friend is out of sight. If it had not been guilt before, then he certainly does feel it now. He was the one responsible for Fudou's suspension, and it made him quit school. In a way, did Kidou ruin his future? He covers his face with his hands, thinking back about what happened nearly two years ago.

* * *

It was the day they graduated from Raimon Junior High, after they tied again with their match against Teikoku, 1-1 this time, they played another match. This time Kidou had put on the Teikoku jersey again and functioned as the captain of the team. Co-captain, if you would ask Fudou. Fatigued, but not completely worn out yet, both teams sat together, reflecting on their years of rivalry. It's unclear who came up with the idea, and Fudou swears it wasn't him, but somehow they all headed over to Kidou's mansion for an after party. He would have enough room, and food for both teams. Kidou's father agreed, surprisingly enough, said it was a gift from him to his son for graduating to let all his friends come over, but there would be some rules that had to be strictly followed. The guests were only allowed in their ballroom, God knows why they have it and when they would ever need one, and their huge ass garden. If they would break anything they would have to pay back for the damage, and Kidou's father assured them that everything in this house would be unaffordable for every single one of them. Of course, with the exception of the daughter of the president, Kidou's old man seemed to _adore_ her.

Fudou has separated himself from the partygoers, he isn't in the mood to talk to his Teikoku classmates anymore and no-one from their old Inazuma Japan team bothers to talk to him. The only exception is Tsunami, who tried to include him a couple of times. Fudou appreciated it, he truly did, but after spending a full hour listening to Tsunami's rattling; everyone would need some time alone. Fudou's eyes slide across the room, Sakuma is chatting with his best friend Genda. Endou, Gouenji and a couple of others went outside to play soccer, _again_ , the garden is big enough for it after all. Or do they own a soccer field too, next to their tennis grounds? Fudou forgot, either way, their host of the night is nowhere to be found. When he spots Kidou's sister on the other side of the room with her friends Fudou confirms the midfielder must be somewhere, _alone_.

Fudou leaves the crowded room and leaves through the wide-opening doors. He doesn't have to be sneaky, even if there would be anyone noticing that he left, they wouldn't care for the reason. Fudou inhales the cold, fresh air outside. That's better, much better. He walks down over one of the many grind paths, this garden alone is a labyrinth for someone who hasn't been here before, and it's especially difficult to follow in the dark. There are small lampposts placed here and there next to the path, but it's more for decoration than actually lighting up the place so he can see where he's walking. Kidou did give him clear instructions one time, well, not intentionally, and it weren't really instructions for him specifically.

Since Kageyama had that accident Kidou had been having panic attacks at night. During the Football Frontier International, Fudou's room had been next to Kidou's and he could hear him suffering at night through the thin walls. One night he woke up, hearing Kidou scream for help in the other room. He rushed over and tried to calm his friend, but nothing seemed to work. Kidou was gasping for air and squeezed Fudou's hand so tightly he thought that the other was going to break it, or at least heavily bruise it. That's when he thought of what his mother used to tell him whenever he had a nightmare. He asked Kidou to think of a place from his childhood that made him happy and describe it to him. Slowly, and with difficulty, Kidou began to describe a place in their garden. A quiet place, he often went to as a kid when he first got placed in the Kidou-family. He told him that one time he had gotten lost in the huge garden and that's when he found it. A huge tree with two strings tightly attached to a thick branch, and a small piece of wood to sit on. Somewhere, in the back of his new garden, he had found a swing. Kidou had asked one of the gardeners once why they had a swing in the garden before he arrived, since his new father didn't have any children of his own, but the man told him that there wasn't any swing as far as he knew. Kidou hadn't spoken of it anymore since, it became his little secret. Whenever young Kidou felt upset he'd leave to the garden and look for that tree. He'd find a lot of comfort there, and while speaking about it and Fudou caressing his untied dreads Kidou was able to breathe normally again.

They were silent for a long time, the only thing audible in the room was their breathing. After a while Fudou asked casually if he wanted to talk about it, you know, the question you ask knowing that you won't get an answer. But against his expectations, Kidou started to talk again. You wouldn't think so at the first glance when you see the genius game maker of Inazuma Japan, but Kidou has a lot of hidden fears, most of them regarding the fear of failure. Failing as a son, failing in the eyes of his old Commander, failing as teammate and failing as an older brother. Kidou had been through a lot the past few days, of course there is the pressure of winning the Football Frontier, he had all of this going on with Kageyama, and now his sister had gotten kidnapped too by some freaks claiming to be demons. Of course he'd blame himself for it, he promised not only his sister's parents that he would protect her, but also himself that he would not let anything happen to her. Fudou sat next to him on the edge of the bed and listened, he let Kidou talk about what's on his chest, something he obviously had never done before.

They created an hissatsu technique together, they broke Kidou's curse from that man, defeated Kageyama and a team full of angels and demons to rescue his sister, but what happened this night brought them closer than ever.

That's how he got to know Kidou's secret, hidden place, but now he has to find it. Suddenly he realises that the young Kidou had found it by accident, so maybe following the path wasn't going to lead him anywhere. He stepped off it and started to make his way over the grass through the dark, hoping that he wouldn't fall in the pond that's located somewhere in the middle. After searching for twenty minutes Fudou is about to give up, this garden is unbelievably big. While people suffer in small allies with no place to live, here's the Kidou household with a garden with the periphery of his own entire house. Fudou is about to give up, he wrestles himself through some wild bushes and suddenly he finds himself in a clearing, and there it is. The tree Kidou described to him, and in the light of the moon, the said genius himself is visible too; sitting on the swing. Fudou approaches him slowly, not wanting to startle him too much. "Thought I'd find you here."

Kidou's head jolts up after those words and quickly turns into his direction. He smiles however when he sees the brunette. "You found me." His voice is softer than Fudou is used to. "Yeah, that's what I just said, smartass." Fudou sits himself on the grass, right in front of Kidou. "Was one hell of a journey to get here. You said you happened to find it by accident as a kid? Impressive."

"And how did _you_ find it?" Kidou's smile has something mocking, yet curious at the same time. Fudou looks away while muttering: "By accident." The younger boy chuckles and shakes his head, even though he came here to be alone; he doesn't seem to mind Fudou's company. "What brings you here, were they looking for me?"

"No, not really, don't worry. Don't think they noticed that either one of us is missing yet, there's a lot of space, and a lot of people."

"I see." Kidou seems relieved. He wants to be alone, but he doesn't mind having Fudou as company, Fudou notes. "You were thinking about him, weren't you?" He asks, but Kidou doesn't reply. He doesn't need to, Fudou knows the answer. "Must have been tough for you today. Graduating from Raimon, playing as the co-captain of your old team." Kidou scoffs when Fudou says that, at least Kidou still knows how to laugh. "I brought you something."

Kidou watches his friend curiously while he's searching in his pocket. "Got it!" Fudou holds it up, in the faint light of the moon Kidou recognises a little, plastic bag between his friend's fingers, something he wishes he wouldn't recognise. "Put that away!" He hisses. "If my father sees—"

"Your old man won't see, smell or notice anything. This is your secret place, remember?"

"Secret, not untraceable."

Kidou watches in silence however while Inazuma Japan's joker is preparing the little present he brought with him, and Fudou himself has never been this focussed before. Papers come in all shapes, sizes, colours and designs. Novelties aside, the best skins are the ones which stick where and when you want them to. There's nothing worse than spending half an hour on your masterpiece only to have it fall apart at the crucial moment. Rice or wheat straw are recommended - the thinner and finer the better. Most of these designs are based on using standard size papers but work just as well with king size. Paper never got anyone high so he aim to use as little as possible, carefully dividing the mix over it. He puts in the roach before rolling it and then the more tricky part comes. He picks everything up and starts rolling outwards in the middle, while letting his thumbs do most of the work, he adds pressure to it with his forefingers. The mix is firming inside the paper and once it's an even consistency he tucks down the facing paper edge with the tips of this thumbs, wraps the excess paper around it, and it's ready.

"Fudou," Kidou starts again when the other receives a lighter from his pocket. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"It ain't, but it'll ease the pain you're feeling. Come on, just this once." Before Kidou can protest Fudou has already lit the joint. "Don't worry," he mutters with the stick between his lips. "I'll guide you through it." Fudou inhales once, waits a few seconds, and while he exhales his passes the joint to Kidou. "Alright, there's not much to it. Draw in the smoke with a deep breath, for example when the doctor asks you to inhale deeply. Just do that exact same thing." Kidou's fingers are trembling, but he does as his friend says.

"Inhale deep enough so you can't hold anymore in your lung. Doesn't have to be a 'hard' hit, just slow and steady, and keep packing it in your lungs until you can't inhale any more. Yeah, good, like that. To make sure you're doing it right, open your mouth. No smoke should escape if it's in your lungs, then exhale."

Kidou is trying his best to keep up with his friends' words, but the fact that he's actually smoking a joint right now and filling his lungs with toxic makes him feel a little dizzy, on top of that, he has never smoked before and the urge to cough is becoming stronger within seconds. He quickly gives it back to his friend and a severe coughing attack follows. It's gross, his mouth feels dry and it's like his chest is on fire, yet when Fudou inhales for a second time and offers him the joint again, he agrees and brings it to his lips once more.

It's been more than fifteen minutes, the time seems to have slow down and they feel an even slower transformation of the active brain consciousness. It's as if has caused them to enter a surreal world of an alternate reality where the thoughts are deeper and the connects seemingly improbable dots intuitively. "He really, _really_ wasn't that bad, after all." Kidou says suddenly. "I mean, he did bad stuff and such, but he's a good man. Very...good. He even healed that girl's eyes. Good men do that, right?" Fudou snickers and leans with his back against the tree while listening to his friend rambling about their Commander. If he would have been sober, he would have noticed the difference of vocabulary Kidou uses, but he's not. Nothing seems off to either one of them. "He was nice to me, ...most of the time. Those trainings he put me through, they were such a bloody pain, but he taught me everything I know about soccer. In a way, I am still playing his soccer. Our soccer, maybe."

Fudou doesn't reply, he's just snickering— or rather giggling at this point, against the tree. "I loved that man." He's sighing dreamily almost. "He was almost like a father to me. More than Kidou-san is." Kidou has never addressed to his father like that before, somehow it feels good. "Kidou-san is a nice man, really, but Kageyama-sousei understood me. Understood my feelings for soccer. Kidou-san just wants me to quit sooner or later and take over his business, like a real son would do. But I am _not_ his son." Kidou giggles, and Fudou finally seems to be aware of Kidou again and paying a little attention to what his friend is saying.

"Yeah, that reminds me. What _is_ your name?"

They're both silent, looking each other directly in the eye. Then they burst out into laughter and Kidou lets himself fall from the swing onto his best friend who is still sitting on the grass. "My name's Yuuuuto~" He giggles against Fudou's chest and mutters: "You're warm." Fudou's arms wrap around the younger one of the two and nuzzles with his nose in his dreads. "I love you too, by the way." Kidou moves his head up to look Fudou in the eye and cups his face between his hands. "You're an inappropriate brat, and I hate you, but I love you." Fudou scoffs, he finds himself being unable to look away from those enchanting, crimson eyes. Somehow what Kidou just said is making a lot of sense to him. He doesn't know who started, was it him leaning down, was it Kidou closing the gap— or was it something they both did, but he finds himself with his lips pressed tightly against Kidou's. After awhile of lip locking and subtle caresses, neither of them has withdrawn themselves from the kiss, and Fudou takes it to the next step. His tongue brushes over Kidou's lips and a split second after he can feel the other's lips part. Fudou gratefully takes this invitation and uses it to deepen their kiss. It's slobby, but neither of them cares, what's important now is that their lips are sealed together, and that it remains like that.

Fudou isn't sure how long they've been away, and how much time they spent on kissing each other, but something tells him they need to return. "Oi, Yuuto?" He strokes over the boy's dreads. His eyes are shut and his breathing is soft and regularly. "Dontcha go falling asleep on me now! I don't know how to get back, and no way in hell that I am going to spend the night here."

"I'm awake, I'm awake." Kidou mutters, followed by a wide yawn. "It's not that far from here, actually. But you'll have to help me get up." Kidou chuckles, clinging heavily on the body of his best friend.

Kidou was right, it didn't take that long until he saw the lights of the mansion again. He wonders if he had been walking around in circles all the time, or that he actually found this tree by getting lost. It doesn't matter either way, they're almost there and Fudou's glad that they are, because Kidou is barely able to stand on his own feet, and it's not like Fudou is able to walk this much under the influence of weed with someone clinging on his shoulder.

Somehow they made it to Kidou's room without too much trouble. Kidou pointed him the way to another entrance through the kitchen, and whilst giggling and telling each other to be quiet the two flopped down on Kidou's bed. The owner of the room immediately curled up to a ball once he felt the comfort of his own bed and shut his eyes again. "You might wanna tell your maids that they need to make a lot of breakfast for tomorrow, you'll be starving." But Fudou receives no answer. "I'll be going then." Fudou heads towards the door, before he leaves the room he looks over his shoulder one more time. Kidou isn't moving. Fudou sighs deeply and walks over to his sleeping friend. "Honestly, what are you without me?" He huffs while trying to undress his friend, or at least his jacket, shoes and socks. He unties his friend's dreads and finally Kidou makes a move, or rather, he mumbles Fudou's name in his sleep. The brunette smiles faintly and presses a soft kiss on Kidou's forehead. "Sleep well. I'll tell the others you were feeling unwell, and that the party is over." He's certain that his friend doesn't hear him anyway, he won't even remember much of this night, but Kidou looks so innocent in his sleep that Fudou can't quite help himself. "Here," Fudou crouches and puts what's left of his weed underneath Kidou's pillow. "in case of need." Then he leaves the room and quietly shuts the door behind him.

Kidou never mentioned it, they did speak about the night together. He thanked Fudou for sending away the guests when he was feeling unwell, he heard what he did from Sakuma and thought it was real kind of him, but that was all there is. No mention of the tree, no word about the weed, and especially nothing about the kiss that happened between the two of them. It's better to just forget the night altogether, is what Fudou thought. He did, almost, until somewhere in their first year of high school. They enrolled to Teikoku together again, with Sakuma and Genda. They ended up in the same class, and they saw each other during soccer practice too. One day, Kidou showed up, hyper as a child. No-one understood why Kidou seemed so happy that day, but Fudou quickly picked up the signs and took him apart. It didn't surprise him at all that when he lifted Kidou's goggles, for some reason he put those on again, he saw two crimson eyes look at him, surrounded by red sclera.

"Jesus, did you use it on broad daylight? What's wrong with you, dude." Kidou just laughs at him and Fudou sighs heavily, putting the goggles back over his friend's eyes. "You better keep these up if you don't want to raise suspicion. Damn, I can't believe you actually used it. I thought you would have gotten rid of it already by now."

Kidou wildly shakes his head. "No, I didn't. I didn't really know what to do with it so I kept it. Hidden of course. In a drawer with my—"

"Yeah, yeah. It's alright. Don't need to know all of that. Why'd you do it?" The only answer he gets from Kidou is a shrug, and he's still shaking his head as if he can't stop. Fudou holds his face between his hands to make him stop. "Better." Fudou's eyes widen slowly. "Ah, it's _that_ day, isn't it? He passed away on this day. Damn, Kidou, if that's still getting you this worked up than you should see a therapist. Well, a little too late now, ain't it?" Fudou is just talking to himself, Kidou can't follow what he's saying. "Now we gotta figure out what to do with you. Can't bring you home without your maids asking questions, so I guess you should stay here." Kidou seems to find everything Fudou is saying extremely funny because he can't stop laughing. "You gotta keep yourself under control man." Fudou flicks his friend's forehead. A frown forms on Kidou's face but it doesn't last long, the finger Fudou used to flick him with seems to be distracting him. Fudou moves it around in front of Kidou's face and watches him trying to keep up with the motion of his finger. "Either way, I'm not gonna let you do this alone." He touches Kidou's nose. "Whoop!"

"Bloody hell, you're far gone."

A little while later the two of them are on Teikoku's rooftop together, a place where they can be alone, and smoke weed whilst grieving together.

"I remember, you know."

"Hm?" Fudou lazily turns his face to his classmate. They're sitting in the sun against the walls of the staircase that would lead them back into the building. Fudou took off his blazer and uses it as pillow to sit on. "You thought I didn't, but I do. I remember it clearly. Well, not clearly, it's all a little hazy, but I do remember some parts."

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Fudou groans while tugging on his tie, it so hot out here. He should have brought some water.

"That you kissed me."

" _Oh_." Fudou finally stopped moving and has all his attention for his goggled friend now. "For the record, _you_ were the one who kissed _me_." He mutters under his breath.

"No, I didn't, but that's not the point. We kissed, Fudou, and we just pretended it never happened at all."

"Yeah, so? Friends kiss each other all the time. No need to get so worked up about it. We were just experimenting or something, I guess."

The both of them are silent and Fudou proceeds to tug on his tie. Why is it so difficult to take that bloody thing off— and why is it so extremely hot today? Suddenly Kidou's fingers pull his own hands away and he loosens his tie for him. "Do you...want to try it again?" He asks, quite bluntly for Kidou Yuuto. Fudou doesn't feel like answering his question, instead he holds Kidou's chin and kisses him for the second time. "But this is... the last time..." he mumbles hastily against Kidou's lips. "Yeah," Kidou replies while pushing himself up and moving himself on Fudou's lap. "but this time, it was _definitely_ you who kissed me first."

The two took it a little further this time, tongues were intertwined once more, shirts got unbuttoned and Fudou's hands were roaming over Kidou's bare abdomen. In spite of the state they were in, they made it back to class. It was definitely not Kidou's brightest idea. Not only were they unfocussed, it was apparently a more difficult task than they thought to keep their hands off each other. Naturally, their classmates noticed their odd behaviour and in the lunch break Sakuma and Genda took the two apart, but there wasn't much reasoning to do with them.

"What have you done to Kidou?!" Sakuma grabs the brunette by his collar and pushes him backwards until his back is pressed against the wall. Fudou, being swift as ever and alerted by the drugs to either flight or fight, does what first comes to his mind and his fingers fold around Sakuma's throat; preparing to strangle his attacker whenever he has to.

"Fudou, Sakuma, cut it out!" Genda jumps between the two of them. "We agreed on a much softer approach." Genda is much stronger than the both of them, and quickly has his friends freed from each other's grip. Sakuma scolds Fudou quietly and takes a step back to give the goalkeeper more space.

"Heck, I don't know whatcha talkin' 'bout, I didn't do nothin' to Kidou."

"That's double negative." Kidou chuckles behind his hand, finding the scene that occurred in front of him rather amusing than worrying. Sakuma snorts while rubbing over his throat. The welts that Fudou left behind on his skin will probably be clearly visible tomorrow. "That doesn't matter now, Kidou." Genda sighs deeply and turns towards Fudou. "We're not stupid, Fudou. I have an older brother who uses and it's not necessarily something bad, we'd just prefer if you wouldn't get Kidou involved with your business."

"I told you, it wasn't me! He's the one who showed up high at school before I even saw him, I just thought he shouldn't go through it alone so I joined in later." Fudou replies while trying to keep Kidou away from him. Apparently he's the hyper and touchy type when he's stoned, the complete opposite from how he usually is.

"And who gave him the weed?" Genda's voice is calm, it's easier to cooperate with him for Fudou, than the quick tempered, overprotective forward. "You got me, but it was long ago. Didn't think he'd still have the stuff, or use it."

"You shouldn't have given it to him in the first place! This is typical Fudou, you are so irresponsible. What will happen if his father would get a word of this? They might kick him out of the team! Did you even _think_ about the consequences for Kidou? You are ruining his future Fudou!" Fudou shuts his eyes, he wishes that Sakuma would stop talking. He wishes that everyone would just leave him the bloody hell alone. "Oi..." Kidou's voice is soft. "My father can't find out about this."

"See," Sakuma continues, talking to Genda now. "I've always known that we can't trust this guy."

"What the hell do you know?!" Fudou is on the point of attacking his classmate again, and he would have, if Genda wouldn't have been there to stop him. With one hand he keeps Fudou pressed against the wall, and with his other elbow he keeps Sakuma on a safe distance. "You don't even know why he used! You _think_ that you know Kidou, but you don't! You don't know shit about him! You don't know what he's been through, the way he suffers without anyone noticing. I bet he never even told you about the tree."

"Tree, Kidou, what tree?"

Kidou's eyes switch between his three friends, in his head he's still thinking about what would happen if his father would find out about what he did.

"Let it go, Sakuma." Genda meddles himself into the conversation between both of his overheated friends. "He doesn't know what he's talking about right now. We said what we needed to say, didn't we? This is the last time Fudou got our friend involved with drugs," Both of their faces turn to Fudou, and Genda's voice is a lot sharper now. "right?"

Fudou snorts, but that's enough for Genda to understand. He lets down his arms so that both boys are free to move again. "Let's go, Sakuma. We should figure out what we will do with Kidou for now." Fudou sinks down on the floor, his back still against the wall. He doesn't understand what they're doing, he already took care of Kidou. He doesn't need them, _they_ don't need them. Fudou is able to hear Genda and Sakuma's conversation as they are walking away from him. "I told you that he can't be trusted."

"Yeah, well what about you?" Sakuma and Genda, who are holding Kidou upright between the both of them, stop walking. Genda whispers "please don't" to the forward, but it's already too late. The argument has started again. "With your stupid eye patch," Fudou is pushing himself up on his feet again. "Don't think you've ever shown your friends what's underneath it. You claim to know _everything_ there is about your precious Yuuto, while you don't let us know shit about yourself. Does Genda know? Does anyone fucking know what you're hiding behind that hideous thing?" He slowly approaches Sakuma, who is frozen on his place, fists tightly clenched together. Genda realises that they're right back where they started. "Sakuma don't let him get into you—"

"I can speak for myself."

"Yeah," Fudou, a little taller than the bluenette, is now standing right before Sakuma. "Let him speak for himself." With every word he spits out, Sakuma is able to feel his breath on his own skin. It stinks of marijuana. Sakuma is able to see him in a way he's never done before. He has never been this close to his teammate, and he's certain he never wants to again either. Fudou's eyes have changed, there's something dangerous in them. "So what's behind it, Sakuma? Are you simply crossed eyed, or is there some nasty scar you haven't told us about? Maybe you're even missing your eye." Fudou's finger slips under the fabric of the eye patch. Sakuma is too stunned to move, he doesn't even twitch when Fudou touches him. He's staring at him dumbfounded, rage and deep hate burning in his visible eye. "It's about time we find out, don't you think?"

Sakuma is finally coming down to his senses and acts quickly, he raises his hands to place them on the taller boy's shoulders and roughly pushes him away, but unfortunately for him; Fudou's fingers were still holding the fabric. Whilst being pushed back, he forces the eye patch with him. Sakuma stares at him, and Fudou stares right back. "Shit."

Both of the eyes of the forward widen when he sees his own eye patch in the hands of his teammate. He has actually crossed the line this time. With a loud scream of agony, similar to his cry when he first tried _Kotei Penguin 01_ , he covers his right eye with both of his hands. Genda, who had been watching the scene in horror the whole time, rushes over to his friend and covers him with both of his arms, letting him sob there. "Fudou, what have you done?"

Fudou looks up at Kidou, still holding the eye patch tightly clenched in his hand. "Are you out of your damn mind?! He is our friend, you bloody idiot!" This is the first time anyone has ever heard Kidou curse someone else. "You are the one responsible for this, you gave me those drugs. If it wasn't for you I would never have—"

"What is going on here?"

Kidou abruptly turns around when he hears the familiar voice behind him. "S-Sensei..."

* * *

Kidou is nervously tapping with his foot on the ground, waiting for the principal to call him to his office. They sent both Kidou and Fudou home yesterday, they tried to ask them questions about the matter, but neither of them made any sense during their interrogation. Genda and Sakuma told their part of the story after the forward calmed again, and some spectators told the principal what they saw. No-one said a word about the drugs, and now it's their turn to try their story again.

"Kidou Yuuto, you may come in now."

Kidou walks into the office, he had been here before, but usually only to receive good news. The principal must have thought the exact same thing. "I never thought I would have you in my office for a matter like this, Kidou-san." He smiles comfortingly when he notices the nervous expression on his student's face. "Don't be so worried, Fudou-san already confessed everything. You only need to confirm his story."

Kidou nods slowly, that's right. He only has to confirm it. Yesterday in the office the principal told him he was going to send Kidou home because he seemed still in shock because of the incident. Kidou had been very thankful that the best man wasn't going to call his father about the matter, and just let him go home. When the duo left the school grounds they didn't go home however. The principal might have believed that Kidou was in shock, but there is no way his father would have believed his words. Fudou and Kidou stayed in the park together for a while, until their stomachs started to grumble. They went together for ramen and discussed the story they would tell the principal the next day together. Fudou said he was going to take the fall for him. He was the only one under the influence of drugs, and Kidou had been in shock, as the principal thought he was. Kidou would be out of the spotlight and his father would never find out, but what would be the consequences for his friend?

The principal believed every word Kidou said. Fudou arrived under the influence of marijuana on school yesterday morning and Kidou had taken him to the roof to calm his head. When he thought it was safe, they went back to class. Kidou, who obviously had no idea about how drugs exactly work, didn't know that Fudou would riot the way he did. He attacked Sakuma and Genda tried to stop them both. All of their stories added up, and the principal allowed Kidou to go back to his class.

"What will happen to Fudou, sir?"

"Ah, well I will have to discuss the matter with the other heads of the commission. If he is lucky, we will not inform the police, but we will have to remove him from school."

Kidou's eyes widen, they aren't just going to suspend Fudou, he will have to leave their school, and that will all be his fault. He can't allow that to happen. "Sir, Fudou made a mistake and he regrets it. I think a week of suspension would be enough."

"You think?" The principal chuckles softly. "I understand that you're coming up for your friend, Kidou-san, but I am afraid that I have no other choice. It's either this or we will have to inform the police about the incident. If that happens then Fudou-san will be in more trouble than he would be now."

"A week, sir, and when he returns Fudou will apologise to Sakuma." Kidou repeats himself, he has an idea. "Or would you want my father to find out that the school his son is attending to had a student come in, high on marijuana, and not even one teacher noticed his odd behaviour? How did it get into the school, is someone dealing perhaps, maybe there are more students involved. Would you want this to get to my father? You can be expecting an inspection soon, sir, and it might not turn out well for the reputation of the school when they find out a case involving a student using weed gets muffled under the table. Do you want that to happen, sir?"

The head of the school is gazing at his student in awe. "Fine!" The principal wipes with his handkerchief over his forehead. "One week of suspension for Fudou Akio. That's all there is. No police, no case, and no inspection."

Kidou bows with a content smile on his face. "That's what I thought, sir. Thank you for your cooperation. I will send my father your regards."

Fudou had indeed gotten one week of suspension, but one week passed, then a month, but Fudou never returned, and Kidou hadn't seen him since. The first time they saw each other again had been in the convenience store.

Kidou kept his promise, and so did Fudou. The following week he found Fudou sitting on the grass, on the same spot they had been sitting the week before. They have fun together, they often play soccer together. Fudou is quickly out of breath, and not in his top condition as he usually was, but at least he's playing. Sometimes they have to hide from the rain underneath the bridge. Then Fudou smokes and they share stories. Kidou feels like he's getting to know Fudou all over again, but this time without an awful first meeting they had when Fudou approached Raimon. Kidou even dares to tell him the truth about Italy, that he's most likely not going because his father wants him to quit soccer. On his turn, Fudou told him that he doesn't have a job anymore actually, they fired him a couple of weeks ago. Kidou promises to help him look for one, from now on, they'll do it together. Fudou admits that there was another reason why he didn't go to school anymore. Yes, school hadn't been his thing, but Fudou is smart and if it wouldn't be for his lack of effort, he would be one of the top students together with Kidou. He never returned because he couldn't look Sakuma in the eye after what happened. He had no words to explain how much he regrets his actions. This time Kidou listens to the stories he has to tell, and he quietly decides for himself that he will help Fudou get through it. If he either wants his help or not.

Sometimes Fudou shows up covered with bruises, Kidou doesn't ask, and Fudou doesn't talk. They're fine like this, they don't have to know every detail of each other's life. Kidou brings a first aid kit with him and silently treats his wounds. After it, they will get on the pitch and play together. That's how they function, that is how their friendship works. They don't need words to understand each other's feelings.

They continue this for almost a year, the circumstances don't matter. It could be raining, it could be snowing, but they would always meet up at the same spot. They always come. Until this one day Fudou doesn't show up, and Kidou waits. Kidou waits for hours, until the sun has completely set. The next week he does the same, the following month he keeps returning to the spot they were supposed to meet, but there is still no sign of Fudou. Kidou wonders what happened to him every day, he worries about him but he's unable to reach his friend. It's like he has completely vanished from his life for the second time.

* * *

 **Please let me know what you think! I'm really excited to continue this.**  
 **The other chapters will be around the same length, it takes a while to write it and I have exams in a couple of weeks. It might take a while before I publish the next chapter, but it will be worth the wait, really!**

 **See you next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I have returned!** **I didn't allow myself to write while I had to study, take exams and still had some things to finish at my internship. Now, I passed all my exams with beautiful grades, I'm almost done with my internship (and got an amazing grade fort hat too) so I started writing again two weeks ago.  
I hadn't started yet but I was full of ideas. This chapter took me almost three weeks to write, so you're better all enjoying the shit out of it!  
I'm still not completely content with my English, grammar, and vocabularly but I'm working on it. For now you'll have to deal with my crappy English, I just hope the message of my fanfic comes across.**

 **Also I fear I might have crossed the lines sometimes— it makes me kind of anxious to publish it, maybe I should change it? But I always like to stick to my original ideas. So I hope people aren't taking it badly, if so, I'll change it. I'm not approving any of the bad things that happen to the both of them, I'm not putting it down as "hot", I just want to raise awareness that in some situations these extreme things happen.**

 **Alright, moving on.**

 **Thank you so much for your supporting reviews, I'm doing my best to write as much as possible and I hope you'll be content with how it turned out. I considered splitting the chapter, but where's the fun in that? I hope your eyes burn while reading it on your screens. Okay not really. Perhaps.**

 **I love you all and thank you, I hope to read your opinions in the reviews!**

* * *

Fudou is leaning against the wall of an old building, he has been waiting here for over twenty minutes for his appointment. He searches for a crumpled piece of paper in the pocket of his hoodie to check the address again. He puts it back with a sigh, the address and time is correct. He decides to smoke one cigarette and then leave, he waited long enough here. He'll definitely get in trouble with his boss, but it's not his fault if a customer doesn't show up. He doesn't want to waste his evening on a junkie who can't remember their appointment, and leaves Fudou waiting in the pouring rain. Maybe he's somewhere in the gutter, dead, with a needle in his arm, who knows? Good for him, stupid crackhead.

He smoked half of his cigarette when he hears footsteps. Fudou squints his eyes to see who's approaching him in the faint light. A boy of his age, a uniform from some fancy university, and neat shoes. The only thing that's off is the boy's dreadlocks.

Hold up, dreads?

"Fuck." Fudou turns away from the boy and starts to leave. Not here, not now, not _him_. He can still walk away now, pretend he didn't recognise him. It's not too late yet. He managed to avoid him for a pretty long time, why does he have to show up again?

"Fudou?"

Too late, now he can't pretend that he didn't see him too. Kidou recognised him already. He faces him, pushes his cigarette to the corner of his mouth and grins widely. "Yo, it's been a while."

"A while?" Kidou repeats. "It's been two and a half year since the last time I saw you. Where have you been?"

Fudou grins sheepishly as he rubs his nape. "That long? Sorry mate, don't have any one those fancy watches to keep track of the time. It was nice to see you again, but if you'd excuse me now, I have an appointment with someone and they could arrive any minute. Trust me, you don't want to be seen with me."

"Ah yes, an appointment, of course." Fudou is relieved, at least for a moment. He thought Kidou understood, but instead he keeps standing there underneath his umbrella. Of course _he_ has one. "Eight pm and five milligrams, was it? I'm sorry that I am this late, I am not quite familiar with this neighbourhood." Fudou's staring at his friend in disbelief, taking in slowly what the other just said. The guy he made an appointment with to sell drugs to..."It was _you_?"

"Yes, aside from my study I did some research about your whereabouts. It took me some time, but eventually I got in touch with the right people, and through the grapevine I managed to make an appointment with you." Fudou shakes his head; Kidou is almost unable to hide his smile of triumph. Apparently it took him a lot of effort to find him, why would he go through all this trouble for someone like him? Unlike Fudou, Kidou looks good, better than before even. The few dreads he still has are tied up like he used to have in Junior High; the rest of his wavy hair almost reaches his shoulders. He's still wearing regular glasses, fortunately, it looks good on him. His crimson eyes are glistening in the faint light. His shoulders are broader, he must have had a growth spurt, he's a lot taller than Fudou is now. There's not much left of Fudou, he's thin and fragile. He stopped shaving and he has a full head of wild and unwashed hair full of knots. He snorts and averts his gaze from his old friend. "That you had the time for that."

Fudou is unable to suppress a shiver when the rain is starting to come down harder, and a cold wind is blowing through Fudou's worn jacket. He's not dressed for this weather. "You should come with me. Put on some dry clothes."

"Yeah, no way. I ain't coming with you. I am nineteen and I can take care of myself. Thank you very much. I don't need your shelter, or your stupid umbrella. I don't need anything from you."

Kidou is quiet for a moment but then nods at his friend. "Alright, well, it was good to see you again, Fudou." Kidou turns away, he's walking away slowly. Too slow. Fudou is watching him as he goes, he can walk as fast or as slow as he wants, there's no way that he's going to follow him. He should leave too; he's already late because of his friend's stupid action. He should report to his boss _why_ he's so late. Then, he realises something. "Oi," He calls after his friend's back. "My money!"

"I thought you said you didn't need anything from me?"

"Bloody hell," Fudou mumbles to himself and chases after his friend, who didn't even bother to turn around. That spoiled brat always gets what he wants.

When they arrive at Kidou's apartment the university students gets a better look on his best friend's condition. He's emaciated underneath those baggy clothes. Kidou assumes that the main reason why he's wearing those because they do not sell anything smaller in his size. Maybe if he'd want some properly fitting clothes, he'd have to look at the children section, but there's no way that Fudou would go through that humiliation, and if Kidou would point it out; he can expect a hard punch in his face, if he's lucky.

"Change your clothes first, then we'll talk." Kidou gestures that Fudou has to follow him to his bedroom. He carefully picked some warmer clothes to replace the dirty and sodden clothing Fudou was wearing. When he wants to leave the room to put Fudou's old clothes in the laundry he takes one last glance at his friend. He's worse off than he thought. His body is covered with bruises and scares, even more than the last time he treated him after a fight. Not surprising of course, two years have passed since the last time they saw each other. Kidou sighs as he closes the door behind him; it's good that he found him on time.

A little while later the both of them are sitting on the sofa together, Kidou made something to eat and Fudou is greedily devouring his meal. "Where have you been all this time?"

"Various places."

"For two years?"

"Yeah, for two bloody years Kidou. What else you wanna know?"

"You could start with the truth?" Kidou nips from his coffee; the warmth of the hot liquid is welcoming after spending over an hour looking for Fudou in the rain. "It doesn't have to be a detailed essay, just how did you end up like this? You suddenly vanished for two years and now I find you dealing on the streets. Are you using too?"

"For someone who said that he didn't need a detailed version you're asking a hell lot of questions. You're like a journalist. What is it that you're studying anyway?"

They are both aware that Fudou is avoiding Kidou's questions on purpose. Kidou knows that it will have to be a fair trade if he wants his friend to open up. If he wants an answer, he'll have to share first.

"Business management."

"Following your father, eh? Suppose you did quit soccer after all."

Kidou furrows his eyebrows. "I had no choice." He says slowly while putting the coffee cup down on the table in front of them. " _Bullshit,_ Kidou." Fudou clicks with his tongue. "You told me that there's always a choice."

"The decision wasn't mine to make." Kidou's voice is sharp. "And I don't think you are in the position to tell me what is right or wrong considering what you have been up to. Dealing drugs, you look like you haven't had proper rest or food in months and you tell me about that _I_ have a choice?"

Fudou remains silent. He can find over a hundred arguments, trying to overrule Kidou but they both know that it's a lost cause. Kidou is right, they can discuss this endlessly but ultimately Fudou will have to tell what happened when he left two years ago. He sighs deeply and throws his head in his neck. "It was really stupid, you know. The reason why I got arrested."

"So that's where you've been?"

"Yeah," he says between bites. "ran into some friends on my way home after our last meet up. We got drunk together, it was real fun." Kidou quirks a brow. "Until we got into a fight with some other gang. Telling us we were walking on their property. Usually we all respect those borders y'know. I wouldn't like them to walk on mine either but fuck it, we were so drunk." Fudou leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees and his gaze focussed on the glasses on the table. Now it's Kidou's turn to be silent, it seems like Fudou has trouble explaining the situation. It makes him wonder why; since it doesn't sound that different from the gang fights he had two years ago. Fudou takes a deep breath and scoffs. "I just couldn't keep my fucking mouth shut. Beat the crap outta their leader. Of course, me fighting was a sign for my gang to join in, and his too. It was a huge fight. Police came and shit. They broke the fight and arrested us all. While being escorted in a bus to the station the youngest one, he was around the age of thirteen or so, broke out in tears." Fudou smiles suddenly. "I got a soft spot for that one. Ran away from home when he was twelve and got involved with the wrong people. I saved him and he followed me 'round since. He's like a little brother to me, you know? Anyhow, in spite of worrying 'bout my own shit I tried to comfort him and we made up a story so he'd be safe. We all got interrogated and as the leader, I took everything on me. Heck, it had been my mistake. But since I had been drinking while still being underage and I beat the crap outta someone I was facing a high penance. Since I couldn't afford that they put me away for a couple of months instead, some youth prison, and that's it. That's the whole story. Couldn't contact you, and didn't know your phone number so couldn't call from in there. Thought you'd be better off without me anyway, so yeah, I never contacted you either when I got out."

Kidou had been listening in silence to Fudou's story. Something about it isn't right, but he can't figure out what's off. Fudou isn't completely honest, but he must have a good reason for it to hide it from him now. Maybe he's trying to protect someone. "And that youngest one, how is he doing?"

A wide grin forms on Fudou's face. "Cops called his parents; they were real mad but also relieved he was safe. They even came to thank me for taking such good care of him. I visited him twice since I got out. He's doing fine, living with his parents and actually listening to what they say. I'm real proud of him."

"Yet you kept living on the streets, even after seeing that it's still possible to have a good life? What about your mother?"

Fudou stiffens. They have been over this. Fudou had forbidden Kidou to talk about his mother. What he is doing is his business. "It's late, I should be going."  
Kidou acknowledges his mistakes and holds Fudou's sleeve. "Please stay here, I have enough space!" He realises that it might have been a little too desperate and immediately releases him. "Just for tonight? Tomorrow I'll have your clothes ready too." Fudou is hesitating, but agrees either way. "Just for the night, you've done enough for me already." Kidou nods, not quite reassured, but it's a start. Tomorrow he can still try to persuade Fudou to stay, hopefully.

But the following morning Kidou wakes up in an empty house. His clothes are neatly folded on the table with a thank you note, and Fudou is gone. Absconded again. Kidou decided not to look for him this time, he knows where he lives now and he can always come by to visit. Yet he can't help it that he still looks around as he is heading towards the university, hoping to see Fudou. He didn't need to look out for long however, a week later there's a figure at this doorstep. A cap pulled over his head and hands deeply shoved in the pockets of the oversized vest. He wanted to stay over for one night. That one night became a few nights. Sometimes he's there, more often he's not. Kidou goes to school, and Fudou is managing his own business, but at the end of the day they both return to the same place. They talk, laugh and drink, but never talk about what is going on in their lives.

* * *

Fudou extinguishes his cigarette in the ashtray Kidou placed in front of his door. With Fudou being around more often than not these days, and his strict policy of not smoking inside his apartment he came with this solution. Fudou can smoke outside; Kidou doesn't have to complain about the smell, so they are both content with it. When Fudou enters the living he finds Kidou with a glass of wine. He's been doing that a lot lately. His father often takes him to one of those wine tasting events, and Kidou got the hang of it now. Sometimes, a little too much, if you'd ask Fudou. But he knows he's not in the position to question Kidou, yet as a friend, he can make mocking remarks. "If you continue drinking like this, I might assume that you have an alcohol problem." He snickers.

"I do not have a problem." He states, yet he quickly puts the glass down. He sits back on the sofa and looks up at this roommate, if that would be the proper term for it. "I wouldn't have to drink this much if you would not give me reasons to worry about you."

"Whatcha talking about now?" Fudou tosses his jacket over one of the chairs. "I'm fine, there ain't nothing going on."

"Then what is this?" Kidou holds a tiny bag between his fingers, stuffed with green weed. Fudou purses his lips, usually he's not very easy to read, he has a well trained pokerface. But right now the shame and guilt are written all over his face. "I'm trying to kick the habit. I hid it so I couldn't—"

"Do you think I'm buying this load of rubbish?" Kidou rises from his sitting position and approaches the smaller brunette. "Are you dealing again, is that why you disappear all the time?" Fudou's first reaction would be grabbing Kidou by his throat, but he wouldn't want to hurt his friend so instead he balls his fists and keeps his gaze on the ground. "Alright, then, if what you say is true, for how long have you been clean?"

Fudou shifts awkwardly and shrugs then. "Just today."

Kidou exhales deeply while rubbing over his temples with his fingers. At least he's being honest, and that's what counts, right? "Let's make a deal. I will help you with getting over this stuff, and in exchange you can stay here without paying any rent."

"But I'm not—"

"I'll make you if you use again. Until then, I'm keeping hold of this for you."

Kidou gets awakened as result of a rumbling sounds. When he switches on the lamp on his nightstand he's able to see Fudou's figure in the middle of his room. His credenza is pulled open and the once tidy floor is littered with socks, underwear and shirts, that had previously been located, neatly folded in one of the drawers. "You won't find it in there." He remarks drowsily, whereupon he pushes himself up on his elbows. "Did you seriously think that I'd put it somewhere within your reach, or are you this desperate that you'd just had to try?" Fudou does not reply. When Kidou puts his glasses on his nose he's able to see his friend's condition. He is deathly pale, clammy with sweat, and his eyes are anxiously scanning Kidou's bedroom. It doesn't appear that he heard any word of what Kidou just said. He exhales a sigh and rises from the bed. On his way he picks up some socks and boxer shorts, until he finds the right pair. Out of a pair of folded socks he gets a small key. "You were so close. I should be more careful next time." He mutters to himself. From a shoebox, which was placed on the bottom of his closet, along with some other old stuff, he receives a casket. Kidou sits down on the edge of his own bed as he unlocks it. "You don't have to panic, it's still here. I just hoped you'd last a little longer until you'd wreak havoc in my room." Fudou is standing as if he's frozen on his place, his eyes fixated on the tiny bag between Kidou's fingers. "Gimme that." Fudou's tongue brushes impatiently over his dry lips. "I don't want to hurt you, Kidou-kun, so _please_. Do what is best for the both of us." His eyes are gleaming perilously.

"I am going to make an arrangement with you. I am letting you ask me three times to give you your drugs back. The third time I will, but I hope you will be stronger than that."

"So," he starts hesitantly. "all I have to do is ask twice now and you'll give it back, just like that?"

"You want to be clean, do you not?"

The look in Fudou's eyes changes and he's finally able to avert his gaze from what he's craving for. He shrugs his shoulders indifferently. There's a silence between the two boys. "Would you like to sleep here for the night?" This time Fudou's eyes lift so Kidou can see them again. "I'll put the weed on a different, and maybe safer spot now. Are you sure?" Fudou nods briefly and slowly crosses the room to join Kidou on the bed. He stores away the casket and leaves the room to find a new place to hide this dangerous stuff from his best friend's light-fingered hands. When he returns to his room he finds Fudou in his bed, his eyes intensively studying the ceiling above him. It is in all probability a way to distract himself from what Kidou was doing in the other room, and not be tempted to follow him. He already feels a little proud of his best friend. He has the will to persevere, and Kidou is certain that he has the strength to kick the habit. He crawls into bed beside him. "Goodnight."

After almost listening to Fudou's twisting, turning, moaning and heavy sighing, Kidou has had enough. He turns on his side to face the brunette. In the little light that brightens up the room he can clearly see Fudou's green eyes. Wide open, staring directly back at him. "Can't sleep?" He asks when he finds his voice again. Fudou shakes his head without breaking eye contact. Not because he's uncomfortable, but out of pure curiosity, Kidou's eyes slide down to see what's visible from Fudou's exposed chest. As in a trance Kidou lifts his arm and touches one of the scars. Fudou stiffens; he is tense and taken aback by Kidou's gentle touch. Kidou wonders how long it's been since Fudou has been caressed this affectionately. By his mother, putative partners. His finger follows the line of an old-looking scar. Fudou is unresponsive; it's just his chest moving when he arduously inhales. Slowly, scar after scar, Kidou's fingers caress their way down. The lower he gets, the more difficult Fudou seems to breathe. It reminds him of the time he sat beside his bed as Kidou had another one of his nightmares during the FFI. Fudou had then stroked his hair to reassure him. Kidou brings his hand back up and rest it on Fudou's head. He caresses his rough hairs that still are filled with the hair gel he put in it this morning to get his 'badass' look. Fudou seems surprised, but still says nothing. His breathing is much calmer, however. "Close your eyes." Kidou murmurs. Fudou does as Kidou asks of him and shuts his eyes. Kidou can see him visibly relax as he is brushing his fingers through the rigid hair. After several minutes Fudou is breathing regularly and the tension in his muscles and face decreases. The brunette is finally asleep. Kidou smiles as he shuts his eyes, listening to Fudou's soft breathing until he himself falls asleep too.

Fudou's condition is through trial and error. Kidou has to watch over him constantly. Five days have passed and today the brunette is sitting nervously on the sofa, anxiously scratching over his arms with his sharp nails. Kidou takes a mental note to cut them later, before he does some serious damage to himself, or him, in another one of their fights. It wouldn't be the first time since Fudou decided to quit that they get into some serious argument. It doesn't surprise him; Fudou's entire body must be craving for a draw of a cigarette or joint. He hasn't left the house ever since that one night. As distraction they applied online for a couple of jobs for him. Some have responded, and unfortunately not often very positive. Many employers are not eager to hire someone without a senior high diploma and barely work experience. Yet he has a telephonic job interview this afternoon. The employer of this butchery seemed very interested in Fudou's background story and has said that he might be willing to work with him, on a few conditions, of course.

"I can't do this Kidou." Fudou complains after another heavy sigh. "If I could just have one smoke I'd be able to relax and nail this job interview."

Kidou looks up from his textbook, because he is more at home to watch over Fudou and has to distract him; he lags a bit behind on his schoolwork. "And how would you do it if you get hired, have 'one' smoke before you go to work to 'relax'? You can't give up now, Fudou." Fudou jolts forward, his fingers clutch tightly on the fabric of Kidou's shirt as he yanks him towards his own face. "Goddamn it, Yuuto, stop being such a whiny bitch and give me my bloody drugs back."

Kidou furrows his eyebrows. "That's the second time." He says calmly as he gets hold of his friend's wrists and pushes him away lightly. Fudou doesn't say a word as he glances down to the floor. "How much time is left until he calls?"

"Dunno, forty minutes or so." He shrugs, he understands what he's trying to do, distraction. Sometimes he wonders whether Kidou has secretly stopped studying business management and switched to a psychology education, and Fudou his assignment. A real-life drug addict who needs rehabilitation. His eyes scan the room, Kidou always seem to use cognitive interviewing therapy when he's trying to distract Fudou. His eyes rest on a photo of Kidou and Haruna. It must be a recent one, because he has never seen it before. Haruna's arms are wrapped around her brother's neck, they're both laughing at the camera. They look so happy. If you don't know any better you would think that Haruna is his girlfriend. Their eyes, hair colour and face have almost no similarities. "You don't really look alike." Kidou's eyes follow Fudou's look at the picture on the windowsill. "No." he says softly.

"How come?"

Kidou doesn't reply right away. He gets up from his chair and walks towards the window. He smiles briefly as he looks at the picture and holds the picture frame in his hands. Without saying a word he returns to his chair and sits down again. He seems to be deep in thoughts. "We do not look alike because we don't share the same father." He states simply, as if he just not took him a lot of effort to answer Fudou's question.

"Oh."

This is also new to Fudou. He could have guessed it, maybe, but it never occurred to him that they could be half-siblings. He never thought of Kidou's mother as a woman who would have two children from different fathers. Kidou never speaks about his mother, Fudou has no idea how she used to be and how they must have looked like, but he always took her as a decent woman. This news kind of ruined that image and busted the bubble of Kidou's previous happy family. "Does Haruna know?"

Kidou strokes with his thumb over his sister's face on the photograph. "I haven't told her, but she's a clever girl. I am certain that she's aware, we look alike too little." Kidou smiles sadly.

"We have never discussed it before, I never told anyone either. I think saying these thoughts out loud would make it too real for us. Nothing will change in our relationship, we're siblings by blood, which we have always been, but the security I gave her as an older brother will diminish. She will probably ask questions that I do not know the answer to, or I rather do not want to answer. I'm the only one she has left, which reminds her of how it used to be. Subconsciously, it will not be the same, it doesn't matter how hard we'd try."

"I won't tell her." Kidou looks up and chuckles half heartedly. Fudou realises that in the silence that he dropped when he picked up the picture frame he had already considered whether Fudou would be keeping his mouth shut or not. Fudou smiles back, grateful for the faith Kidou has in him. "Your father, your biological father. Is he still alive?"

Kidou put the frame on the coffee table and pours a glass of wine for himself. Unconsciously Fudou glances at the clock. Twenty to three. "I don't know. I don't even know if _he_ knows he has a son here in Japan."

"Where does he live, then?"

"Jamaica, or something. Mom said he travelled a lot."

"You discussed this with your mother? How'd you find out?"

Kidou scoffs and takes a sip of his wine. "You may not have noticed, but I was pretty clever for my age." Fudou snorts loudly as reply. "As young as I was, I saw the similarities between Haruna, my mother and her father." Kidou interrupts his speech briefly. He never spoke about his father as if he is not his real father. It feels odd. "At first I thought I was adopted. I did not have blue hair, like my sister and her father. I don't have his eyes, and neither the blue eyes of my mother. Only the colour of our hair corresponded, but anyone can have brown hair. Also, my eyes are red. Not one family member has red eyes; I already checked that in our family photo album, we still had it back then. One evening, when Haruna was already asleep, I asked my parents directly if I was adopted. They were terribly shocked by my question. Of course they had expected that I would come with it, but not this soon. Mom pulled me on her lap and spoke of a man in a country far away. They loved each other very much. Love at first sight. Then I didn't understand what she meant, but later, everything fell into place. My mother had had a summer romance. She had gone with some friends to Jamaica. They were love since the moment they met. She said he was very sweet and caring. They had been together for three weeks. Sometime in the last week, just before her departure back to Japan, they had sex, in a tent on a deserted part of the beach." Fudou notices that Kidou finds it difficult to talk about his mother's sex life, and he gets an uncomfortable feelings as well. Fortunately, Kidou continues talking.

"Back in Japan, she got reunited with Haruna's father. They were once together but lost touch after college. She was three or four months pregnant with me when she found out. Instead of leaving her my father remained with her. He cared for her and for me as if I were his own child. He has always done that, even after the birth of my sister. He always treated me as his own child, even though we didn't have much in common. The night mom told me they cried a lot. Dad assured me that he would never love me any less. When I was ready, she had wanted to give me his name and tell me more about him. "There is a certain sadness in Kidou's eyes. "But that never happened."

Both boys are silent. Fudou notices that he refers to Haruna's father as 'dad'; he has never heard him say that before. He always speaks very formally about his adoptive father. Kidou's watch makes a beeping sound, the sign that it is three o'clock. "Thanks for telling me this, and trusting me with it."

Kidou smiles faintly. "It's the first time I've talked to anyone about it. I feel better, I must say."

"Would you like to meet him"

"Even if I would, I know nothing of him."

"You could try a DNA test. There are quite a lot of TV shows about reunited families and all."

"I am not sure if I will ever be ready to meet him. I have a father, and I will always love the man who raised me and my sister until I was five years old. Searching for a man who doesn't even know about my existence would feel disrespectful, like betrayal."

Fudou nods, he understands how he feels. If his mother would have told him that she was not his mother, he doesn't know what he would have done. Probably not much worse than his condition now, however. Fudou wants to say something to his friend, but suddenly the phone rings. Kidou must have seen the panic in his eyes because he puts his hand on his knee and gives him an encouraging squeeze. "You can do this, I have faith in you." He says.

Fudou gets his phone from his pocket. Before, his contact list had been filled with the phone numbers of dealers and customers, now only Kidou and some good friends. "You should tell her, though." He says before he picks up the phone. Kidou nods in agreement. "I know." He mouths. Then Fudou disappears into the bedroom he claimed as his own.

Fudou didn't get the job. When he is completely clean, he may try again, that was the only condition the employer gave him. The man and Kidou had hoped it would work as motivation to quit, but it had just the opposite effect. Fudou sank into depression. He had nothing to do, no drive. He was restless and walked around aimlessly through the apartment. Kidou couldn't stand it anymore and said something about his behaviour. Instead of hopelessly trying to talk to a sack of potatoes he did get a response, but not one he had hoped for. Fudou had gone berserk. He became furious and threw not only numerous accusations to his head, but also some of Kidou's tableware. On his turn, Kidou had become furious too. They had scolded one another and Kidou regrets the things he said. But what he regrets most is that out of pure rage, he evicted Fudou. That had been the stupidest mistake Kidou ever made. It has been three days and there is still no sign of Fudou. As concerned as he is about his friend, Kidou asked around in Fudou's old circuit but as the brunette had promised him, he broke off all of the contact he had with them. At last, someone informed him about an old building on the outskirts of the city where all the addicts live. It is Kidou's last chance of finding him.

* * *

Fudou jolts up, gasping for air. He is clammy with sweat that's running in rivulets over his ill-clad body. There is a cold shiver going down his body, between the old newspapers and empty cans of cheap beer that are scattered over the ground, he looks for the shirt and vest which he took off about an hour ago because it had been too hot for him. Now he only feels cold, so extremely cold. Even with his vest and the torn blanket which he has drawn over himself, he can't stop shivering. He feels miserable; he has never felt so atrocious before. Is it still worthwhile to stop using drugs as his life without looks so awful? His head feels like someone is bashing on it with a hammer, non-stop, for two days now, and he feels nauseous. This is worse than a hangover. Another icy chill creeps over his body and he breaks out in sweat. He feels the overproduction of saliva in his mouth, just in time he turns on his side and empties what's left in his stomach on a stack of old newspapers. He hasn't eaten anything in two days, so after the last bit of heartburn leaves his body he only retches. He spasms like he's vomiting, but nothing comes up. It's extremely painful this time, and the motion is aching his chest every time he gags. Completely exhausted, he lets himself fall back on the thin mattress once the urge to vomit is gone and shuts his eyes. Please, let this be over soon.

Fudou is awake again, this time some muffled voices woke him, but since his headache still hasn't diminished yet it feels like they're screaming as if they're attending to a _Nivara_ concert. Someone is holding a bottle with water in front of his face, with trembling hands he fiercely clings on the bottle. Because he doesn't have the strength in his arms to hold it the liquid spills over his face. The vial is withdrawn from him. In blind panic Fudou swings around with his arms, searching for the person who gave him the water. He is extremely thirsty. His mouth and throat feels like sandpaper. "Shh, easy. Here, let's try again. "The voice sounds familiar to Fudou's ears but he doesn't have the time to place it. Again, the bottle is brought to his lips, this time he holds his hands at his sides. The cold water feels good against his dry lips. "Not too much at the same time." Says The Voice, but Fudou won't listen. When the bottle is about to leave his vision again he grabs it once more, and this time with more success. He drinks greedily and with big gulps. It feels so good, he's dehydrated. But soon he the cold water is burning in his throat and oesophagus. He bursts into a severe coughing fit. The Voice helps him up and rubs gently over his back. "I told you so." _I told you so_ , again, that is so familiar to his ears. It can't be, it could not possibly be, he couldn't know. "Y-Yuuto" He groans. He feels some soft fingers ruffling through his wet hair. It's him, he found him again.

Fudou lies sprawled on the ground. The nausea is gone completely, thankfully. The only thing he still feels is the throbbing headache, and there's an awful taste in his mouth, as if he ate a dead animal. He swallows a few times, but the taste doesn't become less. When he opens his eyes, he is greeted by a bright light. He rapidly shuts them again. His eyes and head can't bear with this amount of light. He lays still for several minutes until the headache decreases slightly. It is surprisingly quiet around him, no voices and moans of other junks. No passing trucks or yelling of fighting youngsters or animals on the street. Moreover, the surface is surprisingly soft. He moves with his fingers, this is not the hard mattress of the old office building. He opens his eyes again, slowly and with policy this time. The bright light is burning his eyes, which is not surprising; apparently he's looking straight up at the sun. Above him is a bright, blue sky, and he is lying on a large lawn. He sits up, around him is nothing more than grass and clear sky. Is he dead, has his body given up? If so, he is in heaven or hell? He had imagined hell to be a lot hotter, burning in hell forever, right? That is what his elementary school teacher used to say every time he pulled one of his pranks. This where he is now should therefore be heaven. Heaven with a strange aftertaste, that is. "Akio." A well-known, female voice behind him. He jumps up to his feet and turns abruptly. Nobody. This must be the drugs, has used again? His head feels all fuzzy, he can't remember. The last thing he can recall was a voice that gave him water, and that sounds ridiculous, even to him. "Akio," The female voice speaks, right behind him once more. This time he knows who it is. He turns slowly, prepared for whoever is behind him. When he does, he looks right into the face of his mother. She stares back at him. She is smaller than the last time Fudou saw her, or Fudou has grown in the last two and a half years. "Hey ma," his voice is hoarse. His throat feels dry, and there is still the taste of death in his mouth. "How ... how've you been?" His mother says nothing. Her lips are curved into a smile, but her eyes are not smiling with her. She's just staring at him with an empty and exhausted gaze. "I'm sorry for not visiting for so long. I've been ... busy. "He laughs sceptically. The noise sounds hollow and empty, as if he's standing in an empty room, but there are no walls for the sound to bounce off from. His mother hasn't said a word yet, it gives Fudou an irritated feeling low in his stomach. "I-I missed you, lots. I know I'm not quite what you wanted me to be but you said ... "Fudou is able to hear the quiver in his own voice; the tears are burning behind his eyes."You said you'd always love me, right? No matter what happened and in what kind of trouble I would get myself into." That his mother doesn't answer him frustrates him to the core. "Well, I did it mom, I got myself into a big mess. I'm such a bloody screw up, Ma. I'm so fucking sorry." He rubs angrily over his eyes. "I'll try. I'll try to make it better, not just for me, but for you and ...

GODDAMN IT, TALK TO ME, MA!"

He wants to grab her by the shoulders and shake her body until she finally reacts, but he can't. He would never want to hurt her, not physically and while he's aware of it, at least. "Please ma," his voice is soft now, almost fragile. He has never felt so vulnerable in his entire life. "Please answer me." But she remains silent, when he looks up his mother is gone. "Ma? Mama! "He calls after her. He looks around frantically but there is no sign of his mother. There's a loud thunder sound and everything around him turns dark. The panic grabs him by the throat, presses all the air out of his lungs until he collapses on his knees, gasping for a little bit of air. His whole body hurts and breathing is becoming increasingly difficult. The taste of death and decaying flesh in his mouth is getting stronger. "Ma! Don't go! I need you! "He crawls forward over the grass, desperate, and moaning in pain."Don't leave me here!" Another stab of pain, his head, his stomach, his heart. "MA!"

"FUDOU!"

His eyes open abruptly and he flips forward until he realises that he is able to breathe again. The pain is gone, and the taste in his mouth has disappeared. He is not dead, he's not dead yet. No heaven, no hell, and his mother ...

"Fudou."

His head jolts up. "Ma?" Next to him is not his mother, but Kidou. He looks almost horrifying, the concern is written all over his face and he has dark lines underneath his eyes. But he smiles nonetheless. "You're awake, finally." He sighs. The relief in Kidou's voice breaks Fudou. It is not his mother, but there is someone beside him who is worried about him. Someone who cares. How long has he been here, how long has he been out for? Fudou want to say something but he's unable to utter a word, and instead of saying anything, he bursts out in tears. Kidou draws him close and lets him cry on his shoulder. Laborious, silent sobs. The relief, pain, grief, the absence of his mother, everything comes out. Kidou strokes his back and whispers softly to him. In Kidou's arms he leisurely calms. "You don't have to do this."  
"Yeah, I do, actually." Kidou remains at his side, brings him food and water, comforts him after another nightmares until he falls asleep again, and under Kidou's care and support he slowly gets better every passing day.

A week has passed since Kidou found him and he's looking better already. He has more colour on his pale cheeks, and he has more skin down on his bones. He is looking even healthy than when Kidou found him over a month ago.

"Kidou, listen," Kidou turns his face to his friend, when Fudou starts his sentence like this it could never be anything he'd be pleased to hear. "I need to leave for a while, don't know when I'll be back."

"I see." He says leisurely.

"But I'll have to ask you something first." Kidou furrows his eyebrows into a deep frown, he doesn't like where this conversation is heading to. "I need my bag of weed back. Do you still have it?" The disappointment is written all of Kidou's face. "This is your third time."

"I know."

He stands up with a sigh. "I had you pegged stronger, but I'm honest. A deal is a deal, after all. "Fudou follows Kidou with his eyes. He heads over to his guest bedroom, the room where Fudou has been sleeping in, and return with a familiar, transparent bag with a sealing strip. "I figured that if you were going to turn my apartment upside down, your own room would be the last one you'd pick." Fudou, who had been in shock at first because that what he had been craving for all this time had been within reach, laughs heartily. "Clever." Kidou hesitates before he returns the bag; he is visibly hurt that Fudou is giving up after their hours of arduous work and rehabilitation. "Thanks." Fudou spins around, instead of leaving the house; he's heading to the bathroom, empties the bag in the toilet and flushes the content with a determined look in his eyes. "That needed to be done." He grins widely, He grins, his eyes sparkling with mischief, Kidou flashes him a grin back while he punches him proudly and especially encouragingly against his shoulder. This is the Fudou he is familiar with. Now he can let him go with ease in his heart.

About three weeks later Fudou shows up again. Despite Kidou had allowed him to leave, he had still been concerned about the 19-year-old. But that turned out to be unnecessary. Fudou seemed to be doing well, and he couldn't discover any new scratches and scrapes on his friend's body. Now Fudou is back Kidou realises that he missed him. He might not always be the most pleasant company, but he's still his best friend. "Whatever it was that you had to do, did it work out?"

"Yeah," says Fudou, not looking up from the game he is playing on his phone. "There is some kind of party tonight." Now he has Fudou's full attention. "And since I was too occupied studying for the exams," He can hear Fudou snicker. " _And_ with taking care of you, I didn't have time to ask someone. So, I was wondering if you'd like to come with me— just as friends. I thought you could use the distraction. It's nothing big, just some students from the university, so please do not expect too much from it. "

"Yeah, don't worry dude, you already had me at the word 'party'." Fudou flashes him a cocky grin. "I'd love to be your second choice."

The party had turned out slightly exceeds Kidou's expectations. His friends had assured him that it would be just a few people, but when they arrived, the large, decorated garden of the student association was already packed with young students. "Neat." He heard Fudou say before he was drawn into a world full of blasting music and strong liquor. Something he could do without. His classmates were delighted to see him; they didn't think he would show up. And especially Fudou's debauchery seemed to be a hit. Beer and other alcoholic drinks were flowing all night and it must have been somewhere around four in the morning when Fudou pulled on his sleeve and took the sozzled Kidou home with him. He doesn't have the high alcohol tolerance as you might think he has.

He doesn't remember _how_ they arrived home safely, but suddenly he finds himself on his sofa in his own apartment, with Fudou, and a bottle of tequila in their midst. "Hey, I know a fun game." Slurs Fudou. "Never have I ever. It's easy, I ask a question and start my sentence with 'never have I ever ', if you have done it you should drink. If you did not, then I have to drink. Wanna play? "Kidou shrugs indifferently, why not?

They make it unnecessarily easy for each other; they ask questions they already know the answers to, but still think of it as hilarious whenever the other has to drink another glass. _"Never have I ever got a full mark on an exam,"_ Kidou had to drink _, "Never have I ever gotten a fake tattoo,"_ Fudou had to drink.

"Never have I ever smoked weed." Kidou grins slyly and looks at how Fudou gulps down another shot of tequila. "Alright, now I got one for you," he chuckles. "Never have I ever shared the bed with someone of the same gender." Kidou stares at him and then put his glass down. If Kidou does not drink it is the rule that Fudou to drink. Kidou waits until Fudou finished his glass, in his mind he's already trying to figure out what he should ask next, when he feels two warm hands cup his cheeks, followed by Fudou's dry lips against his. Kidou's eyes dilate, before he has completely taken in what is happening to him, Fudou's weight pushes him flat down on the sofa. Overwhelmed, but too fuddled to fully realise what his friend is doing, he lets him kiss him. It brings him back to that moment four years ago when they were kissing under the tree in Kidou's garden. The last time, on the roof of the school before Fudou was suspended and they didn't see each other in a long time. Kidou doesn't want to miss Fudou any more in his life. He can't describe how it feels, but somehow they are always being drawn back to each other. Fudou's hands caress over Kidou's dreads. It reminds him of the nights Fudou had sat next to him; it reminds him of the day he told Fudou about his father. Fudou knows almost everything about him. He hears a low moan; he doesn't know exactly which of them made that noise honestly. Fudou is rugged, the kiss is intimate, and his hands are surprisingly soft and fondly. This is exactly Fudou. Everything that he feels in this kiss, this passion and aggression, is an accurate description of Fudou. His life will never be stable as long as Fudou is there with his impulsive actions. It is precisely his impulsiveness that brings them in these positions. Secretly, Kidou thinks it's not so bad. Fudou's hands are moving again, roaming over his chest, and eventually; they reach for Kidou's belt. Something in his head, common sense perhaps, reminds him that they shouldn't be doing this; this is not one of their most splendid ideas. If they push this through they will most likely regret it in the future. He doesn't want their friendship, something they have accumulated over the years, get ruined by a foolish mistake they made while they were drunk. He pushes Fudou, who had reached his zipper in the meantime, away from him and tries to sit up straight. "We shouldn't do this." He pants, still out of breath from the intensity with which they kissed.

They're sitting uncomfortably next to each other on the sofa; the atmosphere between them has reached a certain point of awkwardness they have never felt before between the two of them. The only noises in the room are the ticking of the clock, the soft buzzing from the refrigerator, and their panting as they are gradually catching their breath. It seems that they are both stunned because of what happened, still. "I'm going home for the weekend." Says Kidou, in an attempt to break the silence between them. "Oh," Is the other's first reaction.

"You'll have the house for yourself, then." Kidou adds. Fudou ruffles his hand through his chopped hair. "Got stuff to take care of anyway, will not be in town either." Kidou hears in his voice that Fudou is hurt. It was perhaps not so convenient of him to bring this news right after a rejection. It may seem as if he wants to avoid Fudou. Kidou knows that it's a lost cause to defend himself now, Fudou won't listen to reasoning. "I'm going to bed." Fudou gets up, he seems to hesitate, but then heads to the bedroom he has claimed as his own. "Night." Kidou yells against the already been shut door. Perhaps a weekend without each other wouldn't be so bad.

* * *

When Kidou has taken off his shoes and brought his weekend bag to his old room, he heads downstairs to drink tea with his father. It's an old ritual, and the tea he used to drink with his father has been replaced for coffee and wine, it depends on the hour. They talk about the progress of his study, but Kidou leaves out that he barely passed his exams because his attention had been on a former drugs addict who has been living with him for the past couple of months. His father was never much in favour of Fudou, if he finds out they are sharing his expensive apartment, he won't approve and will probably force him to make Fudou leave. His father isn't in need for more material to blackmail him. "There is someone waiting for you in the guesthouse." Says his father suddenly. Kidou's expression as something disturbing on it. "It's quite early, father. I had hoped to get some rest after this long drive home."

His father's expression is agitated. "Come on boy, you know that I will not tolerate contradiction. I made this appointment because you were supposed to be coming home yesterday afternoon, but then you suddenly had some 'party' to attend to." His tone and facial expression could not have been more disapproving. "You come here with bags under your eyes as if you've just partied last week rather than spent time on your studies. You're pale, do you have enough meals? Or do you only eat what students eat, that cheap junk food?" Kidou could have expected it; his father had been fairly quiet all this time. He had hoped that he was pleased for once with his son and did not feel the need to make those awful comments. Maybe he'd even hoped that in his time away from home his father had changed, that he actually missed his company. But this turned out to be not remotely true; his father is still the same man. This has been happening since he was in high school, the pressure to perform. Always the highest possible results, he has to be perfect, uphold his family name. One mistake and a severe punishment would follow.

In the past he thought he had to work hard so that his sister could live with them, but when his father wanted to fulfil the arrangement they made he refused. Haruna has a lovely family, with parents who love her. He would never want to deprive her that family and security. If he would make her live here, this big mansion in which you can wander around for days and see no-one, she would have felt miserable growing up here. In addition to it, Kidou does not want that his sister would suffer from the same treatment as he has been living with. Those guests, _business_ _partners_ , his father speak about, started when Kidou reached the age of sixteen. He became more involved in the business; it seemed very inspiring at first. He was able to spend more time with his father, as he taught him the intricacies of the business life. What he didn't know was that his father expected something in return from him. _"The world of business is hard; Yuuto, and sometimes we do things we do not fully support. You learn from moments like these."_ There runs an unpleasant chill over Kidou's body. "Can I please delay it, father? I rather don't want to do this anymore. These methods are old-fashioned, outdated and very unnecessary."

"He has been waiting for you for quite some time, Yuuto." His father's voice is harsh. "This is not how you do business. Are you going to use these methods too when you take over the company, skipping important meetings because you simple do not feel like it?"

"This is no business meeting father, this is anomalistic, and illegal."

"You know nothing about marketing boy. You are my son, have you forgotten what I've done for you? All the effort, the extra costs, and I do not even get a simple 'thank you' in return."

"But I am grateful father, I -"

"Do not dare to interrupt me while I am speaking. This behaviour is unacceptable. Actually, I'd have to punish you." Kidou cringes. He regrets trying to talk reason into his father; he shouldn't have started this argument. "But I forgive you; you have a tough week behind you." His voice is softer now, almost friendly. Unfortunately Kidou know that once his father responds this kindly when he is upset, it could never mean anything good. "I give you another chance. Gainsay me one more time, and be prepared to face the consequences of your own actions. As you know, I could make not only your life, but also that of your sister's extremely difficult. She's doing well at school, I heard, she has a nice family, a lot of friends. It would be unfortunate if it would suddenly come to an end. "Kidou keeps his eyes on his lap, his hands clenched tightly into fists. He has too much power over him, and there's nothing he can do about it without putting his loved ones in danger. "Yes, father. I'm going to freshen myself up and then I will go directly to the guestroom."

His father sits back in his chair and smiles approvingly. "You made a wise decision, my son." He says from behind his newspaper. "While you're at it, wear something entertaining, as apology for our waiting guest."

Without another word, Kidou leaves the room. He can't wait until he can return to his own apartment. He had deliberately chosen a college far from home, so that he could live in the neighbourhood of the university. Fortunately, his father accepted his proposal after Kidou had come up with a concrete plan and stats on the training course, and of course his father wanted the best for his son's future. Kidou wishes he would want the best for _him_ too. His _own_ father would never have treated him like this. He felt a twinge in his heart, treachery, but on the other hand, it feels good too. A different father, his _real_ father. Ever since he discussed the matter with Fudou he finds himself thinking more often about it. Will he ever be able to find him?

Kidou takes a deep breath before entering the guesthouse. Inside there is an elderly man waiting for him. When he gets up to greet him Kidou can see him properly. He is short and overweighed; it makes him look like a giant soccer ball. With his thick, sausage-like fingers, that are decorated with several golden rings, he holds Kidou's hand and presses a kiss on it. "You are even more handsome than your father described." The lust is glistening in his eyes. Kidou thanked him, as he was taught, but inside he felt disgusted. "Let's see if the rest of your body is as he described too." His hand strokes his chest, down to his crotch. Another hour, hopefully, and then it's over. Kidou lets it all come over him. The dirty, poorly maintained moustache of the man tickles his neck and gives him an unpleasant feeling. Subconsciously, he thinks Fudou when he buried his face in the crook of Kidou's neck once. Fudou has a little hair for his age and he has to shave less often than Kidou, but that day he had a subtle stubble. Enough for Kidou to feel it against his skin. That had felt differently than this, it was enjoyable and gave him a pleasant sensation. He wonders what Fudou doing now; he said he would leave the city for the weekend. Kidou hopes he is not getting himself in trouble. They hadn't exchanged a word with each other this morning, the atmosphere was uneasy after last night, and Fudou probably had a hangover. Fudou is able to hold his liquor, but his condition in the morning is always far worse than Kidou's. After a few glasses of water and a cup of strong coffee, he's feeling as fit as a fiddle. Kidou sinks on his knees to unbuckle the belt of the man; his hairy stomach falls over his underwear once the pressure that held his stomach on its place has been removed. _Gross_. He wonders what the kiss from last night meant. Somehow they only share those kisses when they're under influence of something. Maybe it's just instinct, experimenting, like Fudou said in the first year of Senior High. They were both drunk and in a mellow mood after that stupid game they played. Fudou was just recovering from a tough couple of weeks, and Kidou was releasing the stress caused by his exams and his said best friend. It was human nature to seek an outlet for their tensions after this period in their lives. After all the support they have given each other, they trust each other. What they share is something more than just friendship; they have a special connection they are both aware of. He just doesn't know what it is exactly. They know almost everything about each other, _almost_ everything. Kidou lied to him yesterday, when he asked him if he had ever had sexual intercourse with a man. He feels guilty, and sick about having to lie to Fudou, but he can never find out. No-one ever can.

Kidou managed to escape from the house. While his father was talking to the man who used Kidou to 'seal the deal', he slipped away. He wonders how his father is able to look at man straight in the eye after what he and his son did past one and a half hour. Kidou shakes the thought aside, he has showered for nearly an hour, but he still feels filthy. The feeling of those large, plump hands on his body are hard to wash off. He's walking aimlessly around over the streets, he thinks about giving Sakuma a visit now he is back in town. They have a lot to catch up on. Kidou wants to turn around and take a different direction but he stops in his track when he sees a familiar person walking across the street with a bunch of flowers in his hands. It's Fudou. Of all the places he didn't think he'd run into him here. He should have said that he was returning to their hometown too, he could have given him a ride. In afterthought, their parting hadn't been very comfortable and Fudou probably deliberately chose to keep silent about where he was going. Kidou is curious, where _is_ he going? His mother could live here in the neighbourhood, or he has a girlfriend with whom he has something to make up to. Curiosity gets the better of Kidou's conscience, and he sets off in pursuit.

Kidou follows Fudou from a distance, for someone who grew up living on the streets and always watching his back, he doesn't seem to realise that he's being followed. When they reach the park Kidou smiles, so it's a date. However, he is quite surprised when Fudou passes the entrance and heads to the cemetery instead. A rather strange place to meet up with someone. Still driven by his unusual curiosity, he continues to follow his best friend until he holds still at a deserted grave. He crouches, puts the flowers down and folds his hands together. Kidou is looking at his friend's back from a safe distance. He shouldn't have followed him. Kidou wants to spin on his heel and walk away when a familiar voice calls him back. "I don't mind."

Kidou turns his face to him; Fudou is looking back at him over his shoulder with a crooked smile. "Sorry." He smiles apologetically. "It's alright, I've been aware for a while. You're not really good at following people." Kidou is taken aback; here he thought he had managed pretty well. He kept his distance and made sure he was unseen. "How did you know – and if you realised I was following you then why didn't you change directions? I didn't notice anything." Kidou's voice trails off. "Or is that grave from someone you don't know either?"

"I know because I know when I'm being followed, and I didn't change directions because I don't mind you knowing where I was going." He brings his focus on the grave in front of him. "It's my mother's."

"I-I'm sorry," stammers Kidou. Dumbfounded, shocked and embarrassed. "I didn't know. Sorry, Fudou, I shouldn't have followed you."

Fudou keeps his eyes on the grave. "I wanted to tell you this earlier, but I couldn't do it. It was too painful for me. When you opened up about your father the day of my interview, I wanted to try it, but then the phone rang. After that I didn't get another chance." The tension on Kidou's shoulders lessens. "I see, so this is what you've been hiding." Fudou nods hardly surprised that Kidou was already aware he was keeping something from him.

"I'd like to tell you, 'y'know, the real reason I got arrested, and some other shit. Is not real pleasant, you sure you wanna hear?" When Kidou consents Fudou takes a deep breath, shuts his eyes as he starts talking. "My …" Fudou obviously finds it difficult to get the following word over his lips. "... father was forced to quit his job 'cause he had to take the blame for his boss' mistakes. He left us, me and ma, when I was young. Ma told me to gain strength and not end up like that man. I guess I mistook what she meant and my hunger for power grew. I originally joined Kageyama Reiji to create a strong team; Shin Teikoku, with help from the Aliea Meteorite, but he called me a second rate when our team lost. Said I wasn't good enough, the team I got together was a failure. You know, I could spend my days pushing the blame on those two friends of yours, but as captain, it was my responsibility. I had failed." Fudou unknowingly balls his hands into fists, talking about his own mistakes is difficult, and admitting his own mistakes is not something he does often. Yet here he stands and tells Kidou openly about his past,, that big black hole that has always been a mystery for Kidou because Fudou always gave vague answers when asked about his life. Kidou knows that his youth hasn't been easy, the way he looks at the world is very different from his vision, but he never heard directly from him what his past was like.

"Coach Hibiki approached me, not long after the Aliea shit was over. One thing followed after another. I joined Inazuma Japan; I was able to play alongside with you, and Sakuma. Made some… friends even. We defeated Kageyama, heck he even became a good man before he died, and we won the championship. At home, we had quite a debt and the money we gained from winning the tournament was very welcome. But things took a bad turn from there on, we had so much, I didn't know what to do with all the money. I got involved with some dealers pretty soon, actually. The day of the graduation match I was carrying drugs with me 'cause I had an appointment later. When they suggested that party I decided to stay. At that point, friends were still more important to me than the life I had just gotten into. And after I got expelled things only got worse, although I didn't see it back then. I thought it was going great; I had no school to go to so I could focus on my new job. Carrying drugs 'round and selling them. I became good at this; the whole life seemed to suit me. Smoking, drinking and stealing. I became the leader of my own gang and started my own circuit. I was like a young version of the _Godfather_ to them.I had the time of my life, but in the end, I did it all for _her._

Ma had never been the strongest, she always needed protection, _my_ protection, and I happily gave that to her. She was everything I had, and needed." Fudou puts his hand on the tombstone, and then grinds his teeth. "But I wasn't everything' she needed. She thought that once we would be free of our debt that man would return to us." Fudou laughs sceptically, it's a hollow laugh. "And that was when she saw him. Married to another woman with a three year old walking between them." That last sentence feels like a punch in Kidou's stomach, he can hardly imagine the pain his mother has felt. To see the man you loved with someone else, he moved on. "She was broken, she cried day and night. 'Y'know, I never realised how blind I've been. I had no idea how much she still loved that man. How could she even, after everything he did to us?" Unintentionally, he raises his voice. "How could she forget?!"

"Fudou…"

The brunette shakes his head as sign that he is calm again, but his fists remain tightly clenched together. "Sorry, off topic. It went like this for weeks, until one day, I found her. It was the day I last saw you. It was deadly silent in the house, which was strange 'cause the door was unlocked so she should've been home. … I heard her fast breathing coming from the kitchen. I rushed towards her and…" Fudou has to stop, he can't continue speaking. Fudou's voice is on the point of breaking, and Kidou himself thinks that if he would say something, his voice would do the same. The boy in front of him isn't the most robust one for his age, but with his confidence and attitude you still know you rather want to get out of his way, suddenly he seems so small here in front of his mother's grave So tender and fragile. Fudou swallows a few times, when he speaks again his voice sounds hoarse. "There she was, in a puddle of her own blood. Deep cuts carved into her wrists. I kept screaming at her and yelling that she couldn't die. She just couldn't. I called an ambulance and held her in my arms, trying to stop her wrists from bleeding and adding pressure to it with a towel, but it was already too late. She had lost too much blood. By the time the doctors came she was already dead.

I would give my life for hers, but she couldn't stay alive for me" The tears are running down over Fudou's cheeks. It's deadly quiet. Kidou doesn't know what they should do next. Should he walk towards him, but then what? Fudou suddenly continues talking again. "Don't remember much of what happened after. I freaked out, had no-where to go. All the money we had went to alcohol and cigarettes. My home was taken from me so I lived on the streets. I could have called you, I should've, but I didn't. Instead I was hanging 'round with my new 'friends' all day. Friends who didn't ask questions, friends who just pushed another can of lukewarm beer into my hands. And then, after a couple of nights, I got arrested for something so _extremely_ stupid." Fudou begins the laugh, a laugh so painful that Kidou can feel it all over his body. "I was drunk and got in a fight with someone, exactly like I told you. Gave him a good beating and got arrested for both breaking a few of his bones and underage drinking. They locked me up for a couple of months, and that's it." Fudou rises from his crouching position and dusts off his knees with the palms of his hands. "When I got released I still didn't have anywhere to go, that's when I ran into Takanashi Shinobu, you remember her?"

Takanashi Shinobu, a midfielder for Shin Teikoku Gakuen. " _Shin Teikoku's genius playmaker is the queen of the midfield"_ , Kidou had teased him with the fact that Fudou wasn't recognised as the genius playmaker, not even in his own team, and if they did they referred to him as a queen. The girl has short, peach hair that is tied in such a way that it covers her left eye like a headband, and is tied on the left side of her head in two spiral curls. He always thought she was a little bit odd.

"Apparently life didn't really work out for her either. We claimed a place to live together in the old building where the junks life, you know, where you found me, and we stayed there. It wasn't so bad actually. Drugs, booze and sex was our life for a long time. I climbed the ladder in my own circuit again, 'y'know, out of sight out of mind. I had to earn my spot back in the drugs dealing. So I started as a simple drug boy, and then some _loser_ made an appointment with me, but he didn't buy my stuff. He didn't give me money either; he blackmailed me into going home with him instead. The rest is history. "He grins."Now you know everything."

Kidou nods approvingly, he is relieved that Fudou dared to tell him everything. It is now easier to understand where Fudou's actions come from, perhaps he can even understand his decisions he made with Kageyama. What he heard shocked him, he had no clue what his best friend had been going through. He would have wanted that Fudou had turned to him when his mother passed, or after his time in prison, but that's not how Fudou works. Fortunately, he is here now, and Kidou can support him when it's needed.

"And when you disappeared all those times when you lived with me, and those three weeks after you ditched the drugs in my toilet, what have you been doing?" Even before Fudou can answer the question his phone goes off, he glances quickly at the caller ID and declines it then. "Been taking care of Shinobu, providing money and shit. While I had a place to crash, she was still living in that building." Again Fudou can feel his phone vibrate in his pocket; he lets out a vexed sigh and presses the red button on his phone. "We both wanted to stop with the drugs, that's why I hid it. But then you found it and we had my whole rehab situation. So, when I was clean I got rid of what was left of my drugs, I went back to her to support her."

"I'm glad that you have been doing something good, but what made you both change your mind? It's a little sudden."

"She's pregnant."

Kidou can't believe what he just heard; he must have stared at him speechlessly for a while because Fudou shrugs suddenly and averts his gaze. "Sorry, I couldn't tell you. It was too much to take in; I guess I kinda suppressed it too. We wanted to quit for the baby, 'cause 'y'know, drugs and alcohol is poison for a 'lil kid, even I know that. And that's why I agreed to look for a job, I need money to take care of my future family, you know. But I became so focussed on how bad my life felt without weed, and how I'd never get a job, that I didn't think of her pregnancy at all anymore. I'm real thankful you found me, Kidou. That you helped me, because of you I was able to help her stop too. You didn't only save my life, but also that of me and my 'lil boy."

For Kidou too it's all a little too much to take in. Fudou's girlfriend is pregnant; they will have a child together. Fudou will soon be a father, at this young age. He has no money, no job, and no official place to live. How will he ever settle all this, or rather, how will _he_ arrange all this for them. He is sure Fudou will come to him for help, and he doesn't mind. He just has absolutely zero knowledge about babies. "You know the gender already?" He asks curiously.

"Nee," answer Fudou, with a hint of pride in his voice. "but Shinobu told me she's certain it's a boy. Probably a good soccer player too." At this point the brunette has a grin on his face from ear to ear. "He kicks a lot." Kidou smiles faintly, he will have to get used to the idea that this guy in front of him will have to take care of a child very soon. "I'm sure you will be a good father. When is she due?"

Fudou shrugs again. "Dunno, she's nine months pregnant. – bloody hell." He curses as his phone rings for the fourth time. "Can't I have some time alone, I told her I'd be visiting my mother's grave."

Kidou is able to link the two situations quickly; he actually doesn't understand why Fudou fails to see it. He is not ready for a child at all. He grabs Fudou's arm before he can end the call again and turn off his phone to have some privacy. "Pick up." He demands. De brunette gives him a confused look. "Takanashi might be in labour."

* * *

Fudou slowly exhales the smoke from his cigarette. His girlfriend has just left the comfort of their bed and suddenly ran towards the bathroom without saying a word. _Whatever,_ he thinks; she has been acting weirdly for weeks. He wants to lighten a new cigarette for Takanashi as she renters their room, but she refuses. "Akio, I have to tell you something." She says, almost hesitantly. Fudou sit upright. _She has someone else_ is the first thought he can think of. "I'm pregnant."

The cigarette falls out Fudou's mouth and leaves behind a scorch mark on the old duvet. "You're kidding, right? You can't be pregnant. "He says stiffly."We use condoms, and I made a deal for those birth control pills for you. You must have enough for another six months. "

"How am I supposed to know how it happened? I am seriously pregnant. I have all the symptoms; abdominal pain, nausea, I no longer menstruate, and I know you've noticed that I gained weight."

"That doesn't mean shit. Gastroenteritis, or something, and a lot of junkies stop menstruating because of the drugs. That's a thing, right? "He brushes the grim off the bed with an uninterested expression and puts the cigarette back between his lips. "And you've probably had too much space cake, or something."

"I did a test yesterday, Akio. It's positive. "She throws the stick in his direction. Fudou studied the test in his hands. "What are these two lines?"

"One means that the test is working, the other confirms that I'm pregnant."

"Fuck. Where did you get this, is it reliable? "

"Your friend who works at the drugstore and provides my birth control pills, and your cigarettes."

"That son of a bitch." Fudou throws the pregnancy test bitterly across the room. "Last week we were smoking a joint outside, and he said nothing."

"I asked him to."

"Friends don't keep secrets from each other." He snaps back. "Is that really the point here, Akio? I'm pregnant! "Fudou searches among the mess for his underwear to cover the lower half on his body and gets up."And how am I certain the kid is mine?"

Takanashi moans. "I knew it, I knew you'd say this, why did I even try. What, are you going to ask me for an abortion next? "

"Do you mean that you're not considering it?"

Takanashi looks away from him. "It's too late. I'm five months pregnant. "Fudou slams his fist against the wall and starts to pace through the room."Five months, how can you be five months pregnant without either of us realising? Five months ago— shit, the festival." He groans and puts his hand to his forehead. About five months ago, there was a three-day festival just outside the city. The second night they had no condoms left; they had used them for their own good, and borrowed the rest to every pair in need. They share everything, alcohol, cigarettes, and condoms. He trusts his girlfriend, and he wants to believe her. She is not cheating, it was his own fault. "What should we do now? Adoption, is that an option?" He's thinking out loud, still nervously pacing around the room.

"I'd like to keep it." Fudou stops in his track, the look on his girlfriend's face is determined.

"I need a cigarette."

"You are thinking of smoking now? Akio, I don't think you realise but there's a child growing inside of me! We can't smoke, drink or do drugs, all of that has to stop, _now._ " Fudou puts his cigarette back in the pack. "You're right." He says as he walks towards the window. He gives a hard pull on the towel which serves as curtain for the window. When he rolls up the window he hesitates for a moment, but then throws his pack of cigarettes out. "We need to stop all of this." Takanashi finds it difficult to assess whether her boyfriend is sceptical or not, but when the alcohol bottles are being thrown out too she understands that he is serious. He takes the entire room upside down, their whole stock of cigarettes and liquor are flying through the window and make a loud cracking noise once the glass hits the ground. Eventually all that they are left with are a few bags of weed. "Aren't you going to throw those out too?"

"I was thinking, maybe we could sell them. You know, as my last deal. We can make some money out of it. We _need_ money, I need a job, we need a house, we can't take care of a kid with the two of us! We're fucking nineteen and I know nothing about babies and shit! I can't be a father Shinobu!"

"It's not like you can decide you can or can't, or don't want to be one now, you already got me pregnant."

"So you're saying it is my fault that I – " He stops midsentence. "Babe, you alright?" He gives a concerned look to his girlfriend who suddenly reaches with both hands to her stomach. "It— I can feel it kicking! Akio, come here!" She grabs her confused boyfriend's hand and presses his palm against the small bulge. "Whaddya doing?" Fudou is feeling highly uncomfortable. "I ain't feeling nothing." But then he's able to feel it, a soft movement in Takanashi's belly. "He's going to be a great football player, just like his father." Fudou is flabbergasted. "How'd you know it's a boy?" There's a quiver in his voice.

"I can just feel it!"

"Holy shit, Shinobu. That's a real something growing inside of you! It's like a little alien. We're going to be parents, for real." He holds her face firmly between his hands and kisses her on the lips. He used to say that he doesn't want any children. They're troublesome, cry a lot, smell horribly, and cost a lot of money. But now that his girlfriend is pregnant and there's a little living creature growing inside of her, it's different. This is something they have created together, and he will take care of it. Get his act together. He will be much better than his own father. He will be there for his son to play with him, teach him how to play football, help with his homework. He will show that he can handle the responsibility. "I'm going to be an amazing dad." He whispers whilst kissing her forehead. "I promise."

* * *

Fudou is pacing nervously down the hall. Kidou has dropped him off at the hospital two hours ago and there are still no developments. Apparently she had been feeling contractions since last night, but didn't want to disturb Fudou. He almost feels bad for cursing at her. Behind the door he is able to hear her moaning. Almost, because there's a lot more he regrets right now.

He has no idea what to do. The nurse said she is in the third phase now, the transition phase or whatsoever. The contractions take 1 to 1.5 minutes and arrive every 2 to 3 minutes, he doesn't know what that means, but Takanashi has been moaning a lot more since she said that. She also mentioned something about an opening of eight to ten centimetres, He has no idea what that is supposed to mean either, but the thought that the part of the head is visible makes him feel happy, scared, sick and very nervous at the same time.

"Young man?" The door swings open. "She can start pushing now. The mother would like you to be in here." On the background, he is able to hear her moan loudly. "Where is that motherfucker? I'll make him regret that he ever was born!" The beams a kind smile. "Don't worry; she's just in a lot of pain. It's quite something, giving birth at this young age. She doesn't mean what she is saying." She tries to reassure him. Fudou passes her, his face paler than usual. "She means every word of it, believe _me_." He murmurs while passing her.

The next forty-five minutes are a traumatic experience for Fudou. The room is filled with beeping devices that Takanashi is connected to. Doctors and nurses are walking in and out and then there are his girlfriend's painful moans. One after another curse words are leaving Takanashi's mouth. She curses him for making him pregnant, threatens that she will make him feel the same pain as she is going through if she survives this, and squeezes so hard in his hand that it bruises. Fudou has never been so quiet. He does everything Takanashi asks of him, he's puffing with her; they had practiced that with a friend of Takanashi's who already had two children of her own. Whenever she curses at him he remains silent instead of fighting back, and as promised he doesn't faint when she needs him most. "You're doing very well sweetheart," The voice of the nurse is working on his nerves, but her kindness seems to be supporting his girlfriend. She probably misses her mother in this situation. He does too, if she'd only be here to tell him what he should do, give him advice. "push just a little more!"

Suddenly it's all going very rapidly. Takanashi squeezes even harder in his hand, there's a deafening scream coming from Takanashi's right next to his ear, and the first thing he's able to hear after is the crying of a baby. The baby, wrapped in a pink blanket, is placed on Takanashi's chest. Fudou's still nonplussed, was that it? The nurse puts her hand on Fudou's shoulder. "Congratulations daddy, it's a girl."

"A girl?" He repeats in disbelief. "I have a daughter?" The woman laughs heartily. "The mother needs some rest, would you like to hold her?" Fudou is speechless, confused and flurried when his daughter is pushed into his arms. They offered him to cut the umbilical cord, but that seemed like a scaring idea, he would not want to hurt her. In spite of his confused state he will never forget how it felt to hold his daughter in his arms for the first time. She has light gray, greenish eyes and dark hair. At the first sight she reminds him of his mother. "She looks a lot like you." The nurse wants to take her from him again, but Fudou takes a step back. The girl in his arms makes a soft noise. Not with a single word he would ever be able to describe how jubilant he feels. As if his whole life has suddenly changed. He will always love her, protect her and care for her. All that he is now, and he will ever be, everything he owns, it's hers. "I'll be the best father you'll ever have, princess." He whispers.

"Have you two decided on baby names yet?"

"Yara," sounds Takanashi's fatigued voice. "I want to name her Yara."

"Yara." He repeats while gently caressing with his trembling fingers over his newborn daughter's cheek. "Yeah, I like that. Welcome to the world, Yara. "

* * *

It is already dark when Kidou arrives back home. After he dropped Fudou off at the hospital he was aimlessly driving around the city. He didn't want to go home, but he had nowhere to go either. He could have visited Sakuma, that was his original plan, but he didn't feel like talking. He was still a little overwhelmed by the events of today. "Your father is waiting for you, Young master."

It is not often that his father calls him back after a day like today. Often they avoid each other for a while; Kidou wonders whether it is a sense of guilt. It's hard to believe. His father asks him a courtesy where he was today, and Kidou gives him a socially desirable response, he then coming right to the point. He's never been the best in some casual chit-chat. "I have amazing news, Yuuto." His father spreads his arms. "That man you met earlier today has approved of you." Kidou nods politely, although he doesn't quite understand what this means. "I take it that it was a good deal, father?" He asks apprehensively. "It certainly was, he has allowed you to marry his daughter."

Kidou is standing frozen as a statue. He first thought is that is father must be kidding, but knowing his father, that is rather unlikely. This can't be true; he has a study out of town, a _life._ His father wouldn't do this to him, right? "Congratulations son, you're engaged."

* * *

 **YOU DID IT! You managed to finish this long chapter! Congregations! You might want to rest your eyes a little while (before writing me a lovely review, how about that?)**

 **Final note: I tried as much as possible to write according to the laws of Japan. Fudou had first been arrested for carrying drugs, but that would cost him then years and that doesn't fit in my story haha. The youngest gang member was supposed to be carrying the drugs, that's why he was crying- and Fudou took it for him. Now I couldn't include that anymore, but I had to keep the young guy because he's so adorable. – no, I don't think he'll be mentioned again in future chapters.**

 **Kidou is nineteen and he own a car, after some research I learned he is allowed to get a Vehicle license, light at the age of eighteen, and a medium one around the age of 19/20. I'm glad that worked out, or else I would have used my own (dutch) law instead.**

 **Again, a lot of things needed research and believe me, I've spend hours on that too. As well as translating. Why did I ever think it would be a good idea to write some parts in dutch?**

 **Thank you for reading, I'm working on the next chapter, but don't expect it anytime so** on!


	3. Chapter 3

**Happy summer holidays!  
I had a tough couple of weeks, but now I had a lovely week in France without internet and all I did was, tan, swim in our private pool, I read five books each over the 200 pages, and write. I can assure you, I wrote a lot. I think it are 61 pages (in my small A5 note book, and my horrible handwriting). I spent three days typing, and translating chapter three! It will take some time before I start typing out the rest I wrote, because it's so much work, but know that chapter four and some random parts in future chapters are already finished and soon to come!  
That said, I might make the next chapters a little shorter! (The previous ones were really, really long!)  
What else? Oh yes, I tried a new writing technique but fanfiction wouldn't allow me to upload it like that. Boohoo. I kept it like this now, but if it's not according to my liking, or yours as reader, please tell me so I'll make a few changes.  
Someone suggested in my reviews too that I should try writing in the past tense. I tried, I honestly tried. The first pages, but I couldn't do it. Maybe I'll try again later on, but it won't happen yet for now.**

 **There's an OC I'm introducing! Last chapter ended with Kidou's father's news that he was getting married, so I needed a wife!**

 **Thank you all for your kind reviews, they always make me smile (and I make printscreens of them so I can always reread your sweet messages on my phone).**

 **Enjoy reading!**

* * *

Kidou startled awake by a rumbling noise downstairs. With his heart thumping loudly in his throat he continues to lie motionless, waiting for a confirmation of what he just alleged to hear. Maybe it's the wind, an excuse that he always told his sister on one of their many nights alone when their parents had another one of their business trips. The reassuring words of her big brother were enough to make that anxious expression on her face vanish and she'd smile again, but her smile really beamed when her brother then suggested that they could sleep together. She snuggled against him, her head buried on his chest so that her blue hair tickled his nose, and her cold feet pressed against his warm shins. He often missed those moments with Haruna when they were separated, and she was taken by a loving couple who couldn't have children on their own. Although he and his sister hadn't had contact for years after the contracted Kageyama had drawn with his father, they still occasionally informed him about how she was doing. He missed her, but her happiness meant more to him than anything else.

Once again he heard the rumbling noise, this time it was no mistake, there is an intruder in his home. Armed with the stick, which he normally uses to open the hatch of the attic stairs, and his phone at the ready to call the emergency number, he sneaks quietly, without slippers because that could give him away if he is not careful, downstairs. He remains motionless on the stairs, there is indeed someone. In the faint light of the small garden lantern that is located in front of the window in his front yard, he sees a shadowy figure standing in the hallway. The window is half open; he has probably forced it open and wormed himself through it. He's here at the right place; if he takes the right way he'd be able to find lots of valuable paraphernalia, unfortunately for him Kidou is in a very good condition on the age of twenty-four.  
"Leave before I call the police. You have less than a minute to leave the same way as you got in, and no crazy things. I'm armed." The latter is a bluff, the stick would break in half after a heavy blow on the head, and then it would leave him powerless, but that is not something the intruder has to know. The man seems startled by his voice, but then Kidou hears him chuckle, a laugh all too familiar to him. He takes a few more steps down and scans the wall in the dark for the light switch, which is located on the bottom of the stairs. When the lights flicker on he looks right into the grinning face of none other than Fudou Akio. "'sup?"

Kidou is staring at him in bewilderment, overwhelmed by the strong sense of a déjà vu. His response is still the same as six years ago, when he had told him dryly that it had been a long time since they had seen each other last. Now, years later, he is back with the same innocent look on his face as if he never left. His brown hair is long and wild, almost falling over his shoulders, but his eyes are the same as always. Sharp, green, black outlined eyes, still sparkling with mischievousness. "You can't be serious." He starts. "I have not heard from you in years and now you're breaking in and greeting me like we saw each other last week. Are you not quite right in the head?"

"Probably." He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly, and that indispensable grin reappears on his face. "Do you call that 'armed'? You wouldn't even be able to harm a piñata with that. If I had been a real bugler, you wouldn't have stand a chance."

"A real _burglar_?" Kidou repeats. "And then what are you supposed to be? I can't imagine you forced the window open in the middle of the night for a cup of coffee."

Fudou's expression changes. "I had nowhere else to go." Kidou is unable to suppress his sceptical tone. "You've had all kinds of lurid addresses since you were fifteen, now you come to me after all these years because you 'have nowhere else to go'?" Kidou doesn't know what makes him respond so irritated at his friend. "We are adults now; you can't run to me every time you get in trouble."

"I had no other choice." Neither his voice nor facial expression gives away any kind of emotions, but his hands are tightly clamped at his sides. Kidou exhales a sigh. "We've been over this, Fudou. You always have a choice; you're just not very good at making them. "

"But I am here now!" He snarls.

"And what makes you think this is the best choice to make?"

Fudou take a step sideways, behind him stands a girl with dark, curly (presumably Takanashi's real hair colour) and bright green eyes. She has the same eyes as her father. She's clinging firmly on Fudou's leg with her tiny hands.  
"You brought her here?" He hisses softly, he is ashamed that he spoke to his friend in this manner in front of a child. "Shinobu kicked me out; can I stay here until I find a new place for us, _please_?"

In their nearly ten years of friendship Fudou has never asked anything of him. Everything that Kidou has done for him over the years was on his own initiative. He made sure Fudou was only suspended for a week, he helped him in the supermarket when he got caught stealing, he went looking for him after he disappeared again and he had offered him lodging because he felt like Fudou needed it. Fudou thanked him often enough, but never asked for this care, but if he had not wanted it, then he would never have accepted it, right? He has always accepted Kidou's help. He has never said so, but he, consciously or subconsciously, needed Kidou, and he needed him. Kidou sighs deeply, massaging the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "I allow it, but I'll have to discuss it first."

Before Fudou can voice his gratitude, two slender arms wrap around Kidou's waist. A kiss is pressed on his shoulder and a, for him familiar voice, asks drowsily what is going on. Kidou explains briefly why his former teammate is standing, unannounced, in their hallway in the middle of the night. The blonde scrunches her nose in disapproval as she sees him, but once the small, frightened girl catches her eye she changes her mind and agrees to taking them in. She holds the girl in her arms and takes her upstairs, so the two old friends can continue their argument in silence in their living room.

Kidou pours a glass of scotch for himself and falls into his chair. Not entirely unnoticed Fudou's eyes slide over beverage inventory that is neatly arranged in a specially made cabinet. "Still a drinking problem?"

Busted, but not ashamed, Kidou glares at him. "Still more under control than your life" He had expected that Fudou would have gotten mad and would make a sharp remark back, which would lead to a new, heated discussion, but instead he flops down on the sofa and shuts his eyes. " _Touché_."

Only now Kidou sees how weary his friend is. He has dark lines underneath his eyes and he's rail thing. Fudou's weight has never been average, and Kidou has seen him in a worse condition, but deep down he still hoped Fudou had led a stable life in the years that they had not seen each other. Even though he has to admit that he hadn't thought about Fudou as much after his marriage.  
"How did you know where I live?" He asks curiously. "We moved recently. I assume you didn't choose the first best-rich area and walked in, and sought until you saw my name on the fence."

Fudou's face remains impassive, he doesn't think of it as funny, but it may also be due to the fatigue. "Same way as you did years ago, I asked."

"You asked? Who?"

"Sakuma."

"Oh." Kidou feels a little bit silly now. They had the same friends for four years. Unlike Kidou, Fudou did not have to ask around in, a for him unknown circuit, to get knowledge of Kidou's current address. "You're still in touch?"  
"Heh," Fudou shrugs his shoulders. "We're okay, I guess. I just said I lost your address, didn't explain the rest to him." There is something different about his friend, but he is unable to put his finger on it. It's the way he looks out of his eyes. Kidou can clearly see that he is not under the influence, but there is something unusual.

"I see." He says slowly as he sips his drink. The bottle _Kilchoman Loch Gorm_ , from the Scottish island Islay, had been unopened for three years after he received it from his father for his 21th birthday. He had wanted to save it for a memorable situation. He isn't sure whether the reunion with Fudou will turn out as memorable. His life always gets a new twist as Fudou reappears in his life, sometimes more enjoyable than the other. You never know with Inazuma Japan's Joker.  
"Have you two ever made up?" Kidou is referring to the incident with Sakuma's eye patch in their first year of Teikoku Senior High, just before Fudou disappeared. He recalls that both parties were troubled with it. Sakuma struggled to forgive him that he had humiliated him in front of their classmates; he hadn't wanted them to witness the black sclera which was hiding underneath the fabric. Fudou, on the other hand, admitted he felt guilty when Kidou found him again, but he didn't know how to apologise properly. They had practiced it together, but doesn't know whether he has actually done it or not.  
"We're both grownups, if he still gets upset about something that happened so far back in the past he has some serious issues." He snorts.  
Kidou wants to go against it, but what's the point. It makes no sense to challenge him, and also the fatigue is clearly audible in Fudou's low voice.  
"You need rest." He says, after which he finishes his glass and rises from his sitting position. "I'll show you the room you can stay in for now."  
"Could you bring me to my daughter first?" Now Kidou realises what is different about Fudou's eyes. Earlier, he had seen the mischievous Fudou when he made fun of him for his weapon choice, but then he saw something he could not place. Now he sees that Fudou's eyes radiate something he doesn't know yet, and he never saw on him before, or even expected to ever see in his eyes. He has the eyes of a concerned parent.

Fudou has always been earlier with things in life than Kidou, exactly five months and twelve days earlier to be precise. It started in puberty. Fudou was the first of the two to have his voice completely changed. While Kidou still struggled with the occasional high tone in his voice, Fudou's voice became lower and heavier. It was Kidou who had been first with beard growth; however, this didn't happen to Fudou until he turned eighteen. Fudou is one of those petite guys where the hair on both the face and body just doesn't start to grown. Even now, his chest is smooth like a baby's skin.  
Also with a lot less innocent things he had been the first, he claimed that his first time was during the Football Frontier International, with a four year older fan. Unbelievable, but not unlikely, it's Fudou they talking about after all. What more realistic was his first time with his girlfriend at the age of fifteen, and after he had informed Kidou with a lot of pride. Despite the fact that it had been his father and not Fudou who had introduced him to alcohol, Fudou had been the first one to have his first alcoholic drink. He had never been able to seduce Kidou with his cheap cans of beer which he took with him on their appointments in the park. The expensive wine from his father on the other hand seemed to him a lot more attractive and he hadn't turned down his father's offer when he first poured a glass for him on the age of sixteen. His father was strict when it came to rules, but he was happy to engage his son, the new flagship of the family, in the many culinary business trips.  
Fudou's active life with his gang and drug involvement had never interested him until Fudou had offered him marijuana. He never thought of himself that he would ever give in to the temptation to smoke it, let alone a second time. He had not exactly been curious, but both times he had been through a gruelling period, and he couldn't say no. It felt good, he felt better, as if all of his worries had quietly vanished. Both times he had been in the familiar company of Fudou. His shared his first kiss with him. He has never regretted it; he thought of it as pleasant rather that his first kiss had been with his best friend. With him, he can always be himself and he has no endless responsibilities. They are not quite the same, and they can fly at each other's throats, but Fudou was his first real friend.

It's Saturday, Kidou has one of his rare days off, his wife is away for the weekend with her friends, and he is spending his day with Fudou, looking for a job. That he had been fired from his umpteenth job was one of the reasons that Takanashi had thrown him out. Kidou gave him the assignment to write a letter of application, while he is playing with Yara on the carpet. Fudou looks at his friend and daughter. Kidou is like his own adoption father; he is strict but also has a very sweet and gentle side. He has something caring that you wouldn't expect from a man who always conceals in a nice, three-piece suit. Kidou would be a very good father. His gaze falls on the wedding ring around Kidou's finger.  
"How come that you and your wife don't have kids?" The question has left his lips before he realises. Silence. Yara doesn't seem to notice that her new playmate is derived, she is busy with the new _My Little Pony_ Kidou's wife bought for her, something they could never afford before.  
"Yuuna can't conceive." He says suddenly. "We have been trying for years, but it just won't happen." Kidou's voice sounds bitter, and Fudou gets the idea that he hasn't discussed this before with anyone. "Infertility is not excluded, but the chance of a baby is nil." Kidou's eyes wander to Yara who is still busy playing. Surely, it is almost unfair that they got Yara as accident, but a good man like Kidou who would love to have children, is still struggling to get one. The look in Kidou's eyes confirms for Fudou that he is thinking the same, but neither of them gives voice to these thoughts. Although Yara was an 'accident', he would never dare call her that. He is ecstatic with his daughter. He might be too young to have a nearly five year old daughter at this age, but he has always made sure that she has everything a child needs. No, they don't have a stable income, a big house and money for the finest clothes and the latest toys, but she has both of her parents, and a father who loves her. That's more than what he grew up with.  
"I think the main reason for Yuuna to accept taking you in temporary is her." Kidou nods at Yara. "In that way she can still take care of a child." Fudou notices that Kidou finds it difficult to speak about this topic. He apologises for the inappropriate question. That Kidou shortly thereafter gets up and tells him he's bringing Yara to bed, confirms that feeling.

Fudou sits himself by the window and puts it on a crack before he lights a cigarette. How could it go wrong like this? The first months of Yara's birth were heavy, but they dragged each other through it, and Kidou had helped them much as he could until Fudou found a permanent job and they could stand on their own feet. But Fudou had a hard time keeping his job, and to find one without a high school diploma is a difficult task. In addition, Takanashi was changing, she was not the same girl he fell in love with anymore, and he was not the support which she had hoped for. This created a lot of tension, yet they persevered along with one another. They both had been combative enough to continue to fight for their relationship, their daughter. But after Fudou's fifth dismissal, coupled with the fierce argument the night before (which had been the cause that Fudou came late for work) was the last straw. She had Yara taken to one of her female friends down the street and then all hell had broken loose. She shouted at him that he is not trustworthy, financially unreliable and never would be a good father to _her_ daughter if he could not keep a job. That had shot down the wrong way for Fudou. His own father had chosen his job over him when he left him and his mother. He would never do the same with Yara. She is his everything. He would rather live on the streets with her so he can be with her every day, than that he spends all his time at work and he barely sees her. However, this answer didn't please Takanashi and she kicked him unceremoniously out of the house.  
Fudou did leave, in the first instance, but not because he didn't want to fight for his daughter. Contrary, that same evening he came back and took the sleeping Yara in his arms before he fled the house. What had seemed like such a good idea turned out to be stupid and thoughtless. He had no plan, no place for them to stay. He had said that he would do anything to be with his daughter, even sleeping on the streets, but he couldn't do this to his little princess. For a moment the thought of bringing her back crossed his mind, but then he'd risk that Takanashi would wake up, and that could lead to the possibility that he'd never see his daughter again. He still had a chance now. In a lucid moment he called Sakuma. He almost had to beg for Kidou's address. The one-eyed man apparently held no grudge against him anymore and was willing to help him. Fudou hadn't told him about Yara, he trusted the man of justice not enough for that final piece of information. The only one in his life who he still trusted is Kidou. Even now he could always turn to him. He would rather not lean on him again, he has already done so much for him, but this had not been for himself.  
Fudou extinguishes his cigarette and wants to toss what remained of it through the window when Kidou re-enters the room. Just a fraction too late and discussion is inevitable. "Please put that away. Yuuna doesn't want you to smoke inside, you know that." Fudou rolls his eyes, if he wants to forbid him something he must speak for himself and not his wife. If there is anything he hates it is when married couples talk for one another. "When will you finally consider quitting? It is bad for your daughter's health too. "

"Don't involve her into this." Snarls Fudou crankily back.

"This is about her."

"Do not tell me how to raise my child!" Fudou jumps to his feet.

"I wouldn't have to if her father would be able to keep his job, not just got kicked out by his girlfriend and basically kidnapped a child!" _Stab._ Kidou pulls no punches, but two can play this game, and his friend picked the wrong opponent. _  
_"That's very mature of you Kidou. I must say you have a lot of 'good advice' and I'd love to take it but I rather take my piece of advice from someone with actual experience, and I don't see any little kids waggling 'round here. So thanks but no thank you." _Stab right back._ Everything they tell each other in confidence can, and will be used against them any time.

"For someone without kids I know a lot more than you about the subject. Things I had to learn because _you_ were incapable of parenting as a nineteen year old. And look at you, now you're twenty-four and you are still in the same position. Jobless and no knowledge about how to raise a child." _Stab, stab._ And they won't hesitate to bring up previous arguments from the past.

"Quite rich coming from someone who fucks his way into everything, _literally_. Your father, your job, even your own wife. What haven't you done to get married to that piece of gold?" Kidou's eyes widened behind his glasses and he turns pale. "What," Fudou scoffs. "thought I didn't know? I ain't stupid, Kidou. The whole neighbourhood knew." Kidou grabs the arm of the nearest chair; a wave of nausea is coming up. In frustration, despair and frenzy, Kidou takes it one step further to defend himself. "That's still better than driving my mother to death because of my own criminal behaviour." _Final round, KO._

Both men are silent; they have just crossed a line that they shouldn't have crossed. Fudou too seems paler than usual and averts his gaze. He knows it's not true, and that Kidou doesn't mean it, but he has seriously hurt him.  
"I am sorry, I shouldn't have—"  
"I started this, I am sorry. You were just concerned about Yara's health and I reacted childishly because I know that you are right." Fudou cuts in.

"Your mother, that was not your fault." Fudou nods almost imperceptibly. "Don't worry about your secret." He answers hoarsely. "Nobody knows anything, but sometimes you talk in your sleep. Remember the night we got drunk together? I knew you were lying when I asked that question whether you ever shared the bed with a man. I thought that in your drunken state you might have entrusted me with it, but you didn't."  
"So you kissed me?"  
"I didn't know what to do; I didn't want to spill the secret. It was an impulse, in combination with the beverage. It seemed like the safest way out."

Kidou lets himself fall on the sofa in the room. He is relieved, relieved that his secret is not known in the whole neighbourhood. Relieved that Fudou is finally aware of his misery and suffering at home and he doesn't need to hide it anymore, and he's relieved that the kiss from five years ago meant nothing. It had kept him awake a number of times, but now he knows that it was Fudou's escape route. But he is not sure whether the latter feeling is truly relief.  
"If you ever want to, you know…" He says awkwardly, unable to finish his sentence. Kidou smiles gratefully, but fatigued. "I know, thank you." Fudou now seems relieved too, now is not the right time to talk about it. "I didn't mean what I said about you as a parent either."

"Can we just not talk about it right now?" Fudou stares back with his green eyes. "My nerves are already shot." Kidou smiles cautiously, aware of how Fudou must now feel he fled from his girlfriend with their child. "I'm sorry, I'm tired of seeing you go through this, and frankly I am tired about not being allowed to have anything to say about it."

"I'm just trying to figure out what to do, it's ain't that easy." Fudou takes a seat next to Kidou on the sofa. Last said man scoffs. "You keep putting it off, tomorrow she'll call and apologise, and you'll go back, and then three days later you're going to end up at my front door again." Fudou lets out a displeased groan, he is not in the mood to talk about this, and he's showing it clearly. But this is exactly what Kidou is trying to say. "Why do you keep coming to me if you don't want to talk about it? Why don't you just stay at a motel?" Kidou responds viciously after Fudou's growl.  
"Actually, I'll go." Fudou pushes himself on his feet. "Thanks a lot." Almost as in panic, Kidou jolts up and grabs his friend by his shoulder.  
"Hey, hey! I'm sorry, I …" Kidou looks away as he searches for words to say. "I only find it difficult to see you going through this; I care about you, alright?" With his hand, which still on Fudou's shoulder, he makes an uncomfortable rubbing motion. Then a small smile plays around his lips. Fudou looks at him bitterly. "I care about you." He repeats. Fudou expression changes as they look at each other. Kidou places his hand on Fudou's cheek, his friend gazes blankly back at him. Now Kidou cups his face between both hands and tiptoes a little. He bites his bottom lip as his fingers gently stroke the brunette's cheeks. Kidou knows for sure, he is not relieved that they kissed because they were plain drunk. He does not want to kiss him under the influence of drugs. His lips are hovering over Fudou's, who slowly leans closer to him. He wants to kiss him because he wants to. Hesitantly, he kisses Fudou; he places his hand in his neck whilst pulling him closer. Fudou is unresponsive, and Kidou is overwhelmed by a feeling of guilt when he withdraws. He is married. They look at each other again on, Kidou dismayed, but Fudou's eyes are confident. He grabs Kidou by the collar and pressed their lips together. This time the kiss is led by his feelings, wild and full of passion. Every time Kidou withdraws he finds himself pressed against Fudou's lips again. The attraction they have always been aware of is finally coming out, and they are stuck together like two strong magnets. Kidou feels that Fudou is smiling; he is smiling against his lips while his hands pull Kidou's jacket down. Their foreheads pressed against each other and Kidou's thumb brushes gently over Fudou's lips.  
They are sweet and tender, they are rough and fierce. Ultimately, neither of them is able to restrain any longer and Kidou leads the brunette to his bedroom, where he once he pushes Fudou down onto the mattress, lays down on top of him and the intimacy of their kiss continues. Kidou enthusiastically throws his tie off when he loosened it and then Fudou grabs him by his hips and pushes him down on the bed on his turn. Impatiently he begins to loosen the buttons of his shirt. First the shirt off, then the shirt he wears underneath it. Full of lust he then looks at Kidou's bare, hairy chest and tosses gently with his fingers through it, before pressing soft kisses following an invisible trail down until he reached Kidou's belt.  
Kidou stops him; first he needs to take his shirt off. Fudou grins broadly and pulls his shirt over his head, then throws it somewhere on the floor and throws himself back on Kidou again.  
A new trail of kisses and nibbling his collarbone, his shoulders, to his neck. While Kidou feels Fudou's tongue caress over his skin, he realises he has never felt this horny before. His trousers are too tight, he has to take it off, everything must be taken off. When he, almost frustrated because it is all going far too slow to his liking, tries to loosen his belt Fudou quickly assists him. Soon Kidou is only wearing his red briefs. Fudou kisses the tightly stretched fabric and a wanton moan leaves Kidou's lips. He pushes himself up and buries his face in Fudou's hair; it has a cheap, standard shampoo scent. Kidou has never smelled anything this good before. The excitement takes over his whole body, he grabs Fudou by the shoulders and they change position again, shortly after Fudou too is freed from his last piece of clothing that is now spread across the bedroom floor. Even when Kidou sits up to grab a condom the battle for dominance is not over.  
Fudou pulls him by the hair back down until Kidou is pressed flat on the mattress again, and the brunette smirks suggestively. While holds Kidou's wrists firmly pressed against the mattress with the length of his arm, he uses he free hand to tear open the wrapper with his mouth and fingers. But Kidou doesn't give up this quickly, he buckles his hips up and wraps his legs around Fudou's waist, in one convenient movement is the brunette, who appeared to be on the winning side, on his side again and they roll over until Kidou is on top once again. Holding Fudou by his shoulders, he rolls with his hips in a teasing manner over Fudou's, who, despite his smaller build, fights back at the same level.  
The five months older man pulls Kidou towards him and after some playful bites with his teeth on Kidou's ear, he whispers: "Yuuto, this game has lasted long enough. I _want_ you." Kidou takes sharp breath, his body trembles and he loses all control, causing him to almost collapse on Fudou's chest. Fudou takes this opportunity to switch their positions for the last time. He won, and he is rewarded is the best price possible, Kidou Yuuto.

* * *

Kidou pushes himself up from the bed and deposits the used condoms, empty wrappers and tissues in the trash. He will later ensure that the materials they used during their intense lovemaking are better hidden. He looks at the bed, where Fudou lies. He has his arms folded behind his head and grins broadly. The tender moment has been broken long ago. The romantic atmosphere in which they had surrendered themselves completely extinguished, now they are just Kidou and Fudou again. But not entirely. Their kisses were, like the sex, not just a whim. Fudou sits up with a cigarette in his mouth, searching in his pocket for a lighter. Once he finds it, he tosses his trousers back on the floor and enlightens it. Kidou let himself fall next to his lover on the bed and crawls on his muscular chest. He holds the cigarette in front of Kidou, who takes it between his fingers and inhales deeply before giving it back to Fudou. They're lying next to each other in silence, side by side, each occasionally taking a draw from the cigarette. Normally he wouldn't be so quick to smoke with him, especially not in his own room, but today is different. "Who had ever imagined that after years of friendship we'd end up in bed together?" He snickers, but the way his fingers caress over Kidou's loose dreads is gentle. "Shouldn't we have known? You were my first kiss, and even after we promised to never do it again, we gave in whilst we were drunk. "Fudou makes a shrugging gesture. He takes one last draw and then presses the cigarette out on a fallen over picture frame with a photograph of Kidou and his wife. Kidou bites the inside of his cheek, had this all happened in his head? Was this for Fudou just another experiment to share the bed with a man? He was stupid, not different from all the girls he ever dated, he fell for the charms of Fudou Akio. It has been a long time since he had been able to enjoy sex, after all the experiences he had gone through. If Fudou regarded him as one of those men ... He wants to get off the bed but Fudou's voice stops him in his track. "Not only when we were drunk, right?" It did not really sound like a question. "We were always drawn to each other. It was more the question of when it would happen, not if. "Kidou feels his heart skip a beat, he's happy as a child on Christmas Eve. Apparently that emotion is written all over his face, because Fudou snickers once again and gently tugs on his hair. "Since when?"

Kidou looks doubtfully up at the ceiling. "I've only been aware of it since today, but I suppose it's been a while." He says finally. Fudou agrees with him. "Do you remember what you said that night when we first kissed?" Kidou doesn't have to answer, of course they both remember. " _'I hate you, but I love you'_ , somehow, that made an awful lot of sense to me." Kidou nods slowly. He had hated Fudou, but he also can't live without him. Kidou's fingers caress over his chest. He has some new tattoos since he had given Fudou one for his nineteenth birthday. There is a tribal tattoo in large, black graphic lines and figures on his left arm, which has now been extended to over its entire shoulder and a part of his back. It was complemented, as part of his birthday present, with the tattoo he previously wore on his head during Shin Teikoku. Fudou had found it appropriate, or rather hilarious, to have this put on his arm, Kidou however thought of it as less enjoyable. But it was Fudou's body, and Kidou had promised him that he could pick whatever he wanted. On his ribs he has the name of his daughter tattooed, and behind his ear the sound wave from her laugh which he had recorded during a tickle session on his phone. Takanashi and Fudou have both one; Fudou's is usually hidden behind his hair. Where the one of his girlfriend is tattooed is something he doesn't know. There's also one on his body that he has never seen before. "愛 _" Ai_ , the Japanese symbol for love, and the first _Kanji_ of Fudou's mothers name is tattooed on his hipbone. With his finger, he caresses the black lines of the symbol. " _Aishiteru._ " he whispers softly. Fudou pressed a kiss against Kidou's temple and hums softly. After ten years of suppressed feelings, they are finally together.

* * *

This went on, at the office, in the car, they spend a lot of time together. It sounds quite exciting, like a novel. An affair with the man of the house right under the nose of the wife. That it could have been but Fudou is not the type of swooning romance, he's a grown man with a daughter, and he knows he is unable to utilize the hospitality of the family much longer, and Kidou and his wife are still trying to have a baby. Kidou trying with all his might to keep up the appearances in order not to besmirch his good name, but Fudou has had enough of having to listen to his friend with his wife when she cries excessively. Sometimes he thinks she's doing it on purpose, she _wants_ Fudou to be able to hear her moans in the other room. He feels dirty, as a second choice, so Kidou will have to choose or he and his daughter are gone. Kidou understands Fudou's frustration and agrees with him. There must be clarity in their relationship, he must end the suspense. He will talk with Yuuna.

Fudou gets up as Kidou enters the guest room where he resides. He wants to wrap his arm around his boyfriend's neck and force him down on the bed to celebrate, until he sees Kidou's facial expression. He doesn't look cheerful and overjoyed as he does. Kidou sinks down on the bed. He stares straight ahead of him at nothing in particular before he finally speaks up. His voice is hoarse. "Yuuna ... She ... she's pregnant." The words are like a slap in the face. Kidou's promise that they would live together, here with Yara, falls apart. For Fudou the world stops abruptly. Kidou burst out into tears, tears that consist of both relief and frustration. He doesn't know how he should feel, what he should do, what he _can_ do. After months of torment and quarrels between the couple they finally succeeded. He will finally be a father, but the timing is a disaster. He doesn't want to be with her, he is in love with Fudou for God knows how long already, and he wants to stay with him. Fudou feels his grief and pulls the other man into a tight embrace in an attempt to comfort him. They are not getting much time together; the sound of the doorbell reaches the guestroom. Both men look up. Kidou expected it to be for his wife, she probably called all her friends already and they're standing in front of the door to celebrate the good news. Then the facade for Kidou starts again and they have to play the small, happy family together, just like they always do when they get invited by their parents for a grand dinner. There's a soft knock on the door and the blonde woman who still radiates a huge amount of happiness enters the room. "Yuuto, there are two policemen for your friend."

The two officers in uniform step into the room. "Are you Fudou Akio?" Asks one of the two men. Fudou nods and gets up from the bed. "You're under arrest for suspicion of kidnapping of the four-year old Takanashi Yara." Says the same agent, while the other loosens a pair of handcuffs from his belt. "That's insane! She is _my_ daughter!" He rejects himself, but they're already grabbing his arms. "I don't understand, officer." Kidou joins in. "He told me that he would come live here with his daughter for a while until things would be sorted out with the mother of the child." Unconsciously, though Fudou questions this later on, Kidou spoke himself free from any charges rather than helping Fudou. "The child is reported missing, and today we were notified that they would be staying here. We have found her and the mother identified her child. They are reunited again."

"Bullshit!" He sputters, violently struggling to get himself out of the shackles. "I am as much as her parents as she is! I didn't do anything against the law!"

Kidou sighs. "Stop struggling. You are making it unnecessarily difficult for yourself." But the other man refuses to listen. Whilst ranting and raving he is escorted out of the house and pushed into the car. In the crowd he spots his ex girlfriend, who is holding Yara in her arms. His eyes are spitting fire and the curses seem to go on on an endless roll. Takanashi just shakes her head and covers the ears of the confused Yara, who is whimpering and begs her father. The whole scene seems to come from a television series. Then the car door of the police car closes and mutes Fudou's voice. When the car is coasting the street Yara looks at him with frightened eyes. "Where is daddy going?"

Kidou's heart shatters. That an innocent child as her as to experience this at her young age. Takanashi looks gratefully at him, Kidou stares back with a confused expression. She bows briefly and then gets to her car. She waves at someone behind him before she leaves with her daughter. The girl he has gotten so attached too as well. Kidou turns slowly, in the doorway stands his wife, with a satisfied smile on her face. Good riddance, her expression seems to say.  
"What was that all about?" Kidou tries, but he knows the answer, he just hopes his thoughts are deceiving him. He wants her to say that she did not report Fudou to the police, but those liberating words don't come. "Now that we ourselves have a baby, we don't need Yara any longer. I now understand how important it is for a mother to be with her baby. "Hypocritical _bitch_ , she is not even a mother yet and she already claims to understand the bond between a parent and a child? Kidou wants to yell at her, but swallows his words. Yuuna folds her hands over her stomach. "I would never want to be separated from my baby. I did what every mother would have done in my position." Kidou feels his anger stir after each word, his blood is boiling. "So you betrayed my friend?"  
She laughs scornfully. "Don't you mean _boy_ friend?" Kidou's pupils dilate. "And there you thought that you had been able to hide your affair. I am not that oblivious, Yuuto. The two of you are madly in love with each other." Her voice is softer now. "I have always wished that you would look at me with the same eyes as you look at him." Her expression hardens. "All those times you rejected me, how does it feel to screw another guy in _our_ bed?" She screams with a shrill voice.

"Yuuna." He says menacingly, with a correcting voice. The police car at their door had dragged a lot of attention, but this quarrel attracts even more curious locals. Thrill seekers. "As if they don't already know!" She shrieks angrily. Her red eyes, normally a shade lighter than Kidou's, are fierce and malicious. "Everybody knows that you cheated on me! My husband lets himself get taken from behind like a _WHORE_."

"That's enough!" Kidou strides inside and pushes his wife forward. "Have you gone insane? You're standing on the middle of our front yard making a whole commotion! What if they'd call the police because of nuisance? What if your father hears this, that his daughter took words in her mouth that he definitely did not teach you!"

"Typically Kidou Yuuto," she clicks with her tongue. "always more concerned about what others think of him than that he cares about his pregnant wife. Maybe you should have thought about the consequences before you shared our bed with someone else! That rascal has earned it; he took my husband from me! I hope he rots in jail for a very long time and that he'll never see his daughter again. And if not, then I will personally ensure it!" She incessantly rages on.

"Will you _please_ shut up!"

Yuuna finally stops talking. Kidou has never raised his voice before towards her. His crimson eyes make him seem threatening and it for a moment it seems that Yuuna is backsliding. "Oh, honey," she takes a step forward and holds her husband lovingly in her arms. Kidou is taken aback, and doesn't push her away. "You couldn't help it, you were influence by him." Kidou is baffled, where did this come from? Are these the hormones and mood swings that Fudou told him about? "I forgive you," she murmurs, her fingers caressing affectionately over his cheek. "from now on everything will be better. It's you, me and the baby." Kidou frees himself from her grasp.  
"Don't think that I will forgive you for this." Kidou wants to walk out of the room, he must arrange a lawyer for Fudou, but his wife stops him. "But love, you do not want your father finds out now, do you?" Kidou remains stock-still in the doorway.

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, but I would, and I will. Anything for my baby." Kidou shuts his eyes, they have only known for a couple of hours that they will be parents, but he can't stand that word anymore already. Not coming from _her_ mouth at least. "You know what?" Kidou straightens his back and shoulders. "I don't care. I am fed up with you, and with him. This is my life, and I wish I would have done this sooner."

"What are you saying?" Yuuna's voice trembles. Is it fear of losing him, or anger? Kidou doesn't know for sure, but he can't bring it up to care. "I want a divorce, as soon as possible." He states without turning around, with a firm voice.

"But what about your friend?" Unlike before, when her words were full of emotion, her voice has turned cold. Kidou lets out an exasperated sigh. "What about him?" This game of seeking is attention is nothing other than annoying; she is trying to buy time. Doesn't she see that they don't work together? They have broken each other's trust, and Kidou broke his wedding vows. He started this affair, he will not push the blame on her, but it is impossible to save their marriage. Not even with a baby. _Especially_ not with a baby. "The police will be eager to hear how he raped me."

Kidou turns abruptly, he is furious. "That man is really capable of anything." She says nonchalantly. "Yes, but not rape." If she wouldn't be pregnant with his child it would have been more difficult for him to hold back. Only the thought of his unborn child that is growing in her stomach is keeping him from smashing her face against the wall a couple of times. He has more aggressiveness in his body than he thought.  
"Maybe not," there arises a sly smile on her face. "But the evidence shows something else. I still have my torn panties with his semen on it."

Different scenarios are haunting Kidou. Fudou and Yuuna, in bed together, laughing because it's not Yuuna who is being cheated on, but actually Yuuna and Fudou together. Painful, but not realistic. Why would she turn him in? Is the child his, and this is her way to cover up the affair? No, impossible, then she wouldn't have told him this.

A new image appears before his eyes. Fudou pressed down and forced to have sex with her. Fudou has spilled their secret to someone and now Yuuna turned him in. Not plausible, but Fudou would do a lot if she would involve his daughter, where would he draw the line? It would be the ultimate act of revenge, but is his wife really so manipulative that she can put this amount of pressure on _Fudou_?

One last scenario plays itself out before his eyes, now Yuuna is laying flat on the bed. Her wrists tightly bound together and she's pressed on the mattress with Fudou on top of her. She is crying, but her cries are suppressed by the panties in her mouth, and the creaking noise of the bed. Kidou feels sick; all three scenarios are highly unlikely, but not inconceivable. How much does he know of his 'best friend' and lover, who moves from address to address, including the juvenile, and who never talks about his feelings? And how much does he know about Yuuna, four years after their forced marriage? No, he has to think rationally, his emotions are taking over. Right in time drags Yuuna's voice him out of his endless thought rut. "You should have been more careful with the condoms you dumped in the trash, _darling_."

Kidou can't believe what he's hearing, she went this far that she searched through his garbage? Again, Kidou feels two warm hands cup his cheeks. Her fingers feel cold against his warm skin. "So it is your choice. Start a new life with me; buy his freedom with your love." Her voice sounds leisurely, but then he feels how her nail scratches over his skin and leaves a deep cut on his cheek. "Refuse me and you send your lover to confinement." Kidou feels the blood flowing from his cheek into his neck. "Choose wisely."

When she lets go of her husband she looks at him once more and smiles sweetly. "Could you give me your shirt when you change your clothes? I will try to wash that nasty blood stain from your collar." Then she disappears into the kitchen to prepare dinner for them.

* * *

 **I can't seem to shake the something good happens, something bad follows! I just enjoy crushing you sometimes.**

 **Please share your thoughts and let me know that you thought of this chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4

**What did I say about finals and studying first? ... I really have no idea.**  
 **I managed to find a balance between writing and studying for now! Once I'm finished studying I give myself the last hour I spent on my computer for the day writing!**  
 **... A promise I couldn't keep because I started with this today, but I'll study after this! Really!**

 **Alright, back to business.**

 **Thank you all for your lovely reviews, the louder you yell, the bigger my smile.**  
 **Also, I realised I have finally written a nice story about Kidou/Fudou for once. (Sharing the same dream). No plot twists, not much sadness. Aren't you guys happy?**  
 **This also means I am allowed to destroy you again with a new chapter of this!**

 **Now I must say, this one is not really exciting. Not very long either, (because 4,4876 words is not 'that much', really I spent too much free time on writing!). It's just not very spectacular. But I am looking forward to showing you the chapter that follows after this one. It will have some things you like! (or hate). So stay tuned for chapter 5! ... It's not written yet but it'll be good.**

 **Last note, Amaya0Miyako mentioned that now they're adults "teenage troubles" isn't really relevant any more. I know, it bothered me too, but the decisions they made as young adults made them the persons they are today. It all started there. And of course, there will be some flash backs. But I totally get what you mean. Sorry if this still doesn't make much sense. I just loved the title, I guess.**

 **Please enjoy!**

* * *

"I am as much as her parents as she is! I didn't do anything against the law!" His arms are getting pulled back with force. The cold metal of the tightly clenched handcuffs is cutting into his wrists. Kidou tries to lull him, as if he could remain calm! That _bitch_ Kidou calls his wife has betrayed them. A heavy hand is laid in his neck and he gets pushed down the stairs. A handful of curious neighbours has gathered around the house, from a safe distance of course. They all want to know what a police car is doing in front of the Kidou mansion in this quiet neighbourhood. If he wouldn't be in handcuffs, he would have laughed. Kidou has a lot to explain. What will they think of them once Kidou tells him that he's certain that the child is his, because _he_ was the one having an affair with another male. It mustn't be a shock to everyone, Fudou suspects that they're not the first men to have an affair with each other here. Who can stand their wife? Somewhere in the crowd he recognises his former girlfriend, who is holding Yara tightly against her chest. As soon as she sees him she starts calling for her father. He will never forget her confused expression and heart-breaking cries as she vainly kept crying for him.

"Yara! I'm coming for you baby! Be a good girl, your dad loves you, alright?"

The agents drag him away from his daughter as if he's a criminal. "Let go! This is _my_ child you imbeciles! Let me see my daughter!" Another hard jerk and the officers push him further down the garden pathway into the police car. Kidou runs after him.

"Yuuto! They can't do this, right?" He hears an emotion in his voice he has never had before. Despair, fear. "She is my daughter!"

"I know, I'm sorry…" Kidou puts his hand on the glass when they shut the car door. "I promise that I'll get you out!" Sounds his muffled voice. Fudou yells at him again, the engine starts and he is unable to hear Kidou's last words over the noise. On the way to the police station he can't even hear the wailing sirens anymore. The only sounds haunting his mind are Yara's cries when they tore her apart from him, and Kidou's last audible words.

" _I promise that I will get you out._ "

* * *

Fudou gets taken to the police station for the interrogation. The maximum time for the questioning is six hours, but they didn't need those this time. Fudou admitted that he had taken Yara. No, it had not been premeditated, it was an impulse. Yara had not been in immediate danger with her mother. Reason for the 'kidnapping'? She wanted to take his daughter from him! Yes, he did take good care of her. No, of course he didn't abuse her. No, he feels absolutely no regret.

What his relationship is with the family he was staying? Simple, he has a relationship with the man of the house. No, he is not after his money. They have known each other since they were fourteen. Their first encounter… is that really relevant?

Fudou has answered all the questions, the trial record is made and after they took him into custody he ends up in a small, one person police cell. He must hand in all of his personal belongings. Then take the laces out of his shoes, remove his belt, and other garments which he could harm himself with. This is in order to prevent potentially self-mutilation, or that he'd hang himself in his cell. For this reason he is not allowed to have tobacco products, matches and lighters with him in his cell. Fine, if being arrested alone wasn't bad enough.

He is not allowed to see anyone for the next few hours, with the exception of his lawyer. He doesn't need to call one, he is sure that Kidou will arrange one for him. He is put into custody until the court has ruled.

Fudou is unexpectedly called out of his cell, there's a visitor for him. "'bout time." He mumbles once the handcuffs are around his wrists again and he gets pulled out of his cell. He is taken to the visitors room where he expects to see either Kidou or his lawyer, but instead there's a blonde woman waiting for him.

"That you have the gore guts to show your face around here! If it wouldn't be for these handcuffs then I would – "

"Inmate!" Calls the supervising agent. Right, no physical contact, no raising of his voice, and certainly no profanity. He sits down across from Yuuna once the handcuffs are removed, who is looking at him with a scornful smile on her face. "Enjoying yourself?" He snorts.

"To see the man who seduced my husband in handcuffs? I am more than happy to be here."

"Come to business." He growls as he leans over the table, keeping a close eye on the regulator.

"I am here to deliver a message from Yuuto. He is not coming to visit you."

"Not coming or you forbid him from doing so?" He snarls irritatedly.

"Hush, let me finish." She soothes him, as if she's talking to an inconvenient child, what only gets more on Fudou's nerves. "Yuuto and I had a nice little chat together and we decided to give each other another chance. He asked me for forgiveness, or rather, he begged me to take him back. You should have seen his face, on his knees in front of me. He admitted every mistake he made."

"The last time he sat on his knees in front of me quite something else came out of his mouth."

Yuuna makes a disapproving expression. "This is exactly the difference between us, and the reason Yuuto doesn't want to continue with you. You do not fit in his lifestyle. You are the opposites of each other. He admitted that it was exciting, something different, our marriage wasn't working well, but now that is about to change." She folds her hands over her stomach. "As you are aware, I'm pregnant."

"It would not surprise me if you made up this pregnancy. He told me how difficult it has been for you to have a baby, and when he's standing in front of you, ready to confess he's having an affair and he doesn't want to continue with your marriage you are magically pregnant. No-one's buying that, missy, and Yuuto ain't stupid either."

"I have waited a while to tell him the news, yes, but I am most definitely pregnant. That's actually how I found out between you and him. I had my suspicions, Yuuto was behaving differently when you were around. The many trips, working overtime. In the past he complained when I spent time with my girl friends, but now he encouraged me to. And the amount of semen that came out after a day, it surprised me that one of those seeds was able to impregnate me. Either way," she continues when she sees Fudou's horrified expression. "I wasn't feeling well for a while now, and I was over time for the first time. When I tried to hide the positive pregnancy test I found the evidence of Yuuto's infidelity. I was shocked, but my suspicions were confirmed.

"And instead of confronting your husband you made a plan to get your revenge."

"Indeed. It was a plan to get rid of you for good, and win back my husband. I must say, it worked out pretty damn fine." Fudou glances at the guard who seems to be engrossed in his magazine. If he gets up now, would he be able to fold his fingers around her neck and squeeze all the life out of her throat until the guard reaches them?

"Give up, Fudou." Her voice is sharp. This might be the first time since he came to live with them that she has called him by his name. "Yuuto has chosen me over you. Me and our baby. This is what he wants."

Fudou flies up from his chair and slams his fist with a loud bang on the small, plastic table between them. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS!"

" _INMATE!_ " In a few steps the agent is with them. He's faster than Fudou expected. Yuuna waves at the agent with an angelic smile. "It's fine, officer." She says sweetly. "He's just a little rough."

The officer, who clearly hasn't seen a woman, let alone had a girlfriend, in years turns red and nods. "Alright, but keep your boyfriend under control, ma'am." He turns and shuffles back to his desk to continue his article. Softly muttering to himself how unfair it is that the criminals always get the hottest and most beautiful women.

"Now you have to listen to me." She hisses as soon as the agent is out of hearing distance. "I've had enough about your crap that you know Yuuto better than I do. You are his friend and I accepted that because somehow Yuuto appreciates your presence, but you have crossed a line that should never have been exceeded. He needs his best friend in this tough period. You haven't seen how much he missed you when you were suddenly too busy for him. He did everything for you and you took advantage of his kindness. You only show up when it's convenient for you, have you ever done something for him in return?" She pauses, but not long enough for Fudou to think of an answer. "No, I don't think so either. Suddenly you come live with us because Yuuto can't say no to you. You overwhelm him with your troubles, but do you take the time to listen to his misery? Instead of supporting him in this difficult time in his marriage you try to win him over. You seduced him with your sexual comments and charming smile."

Fudou clenches his fists, he would do anything to give that woman a good punch on that beautiful face of hers, and pull all of her blonde hairs out. Then they'll see who is laughing last.

"But you will never win, Fudou. You can sleep with my husband, give him love and attention, but you cannot give him what he has always longed for. A family, fatherhood. His own child."

Fudou hates her, he despises her and he doesn't understand that Kidou willingly married this woman at some point. But deep down he knows that she's right. Her words cut deep into his soul. What has he ever done for Kidou? And he adores Yara, but she will never be his daughter. Fudou shuts his eyes. He will never admit his loss to her.

"I don't blame him this little slip, I haven't been the best wife he could wish for, but we are starting over. A life without you, and if you ever try to get in touch with my husband again I will ensure that you will never see the life outside these bars again." The last words she spat out full with contempt, then she gets up, nods at the guard and leaves the room.

"Got dumped?" Asks the officer in charge after a long silence, which only lasted because he wanted to finish reading his article. His eyes are full of hope, how _pathetic_. Fudou stands up so he can put him back in his handcuffs and bring him back to his temporary cell. "She's all yours."

* * *

The days till Fudou's process flew by. Kidou put his own lawyer on the case, but no matter how they looked at it; Fudou is guilty. Nine years in prison, claimed Takanashi's lawyer, but that was unrealistic according to his own.

During the hearing Takanashi had summoned quite a few witnesses. Neighbours and acquaintances who had often heard the couple argue. Fudou is unreliable, they said, and because of the fiery attitude he had shown earlier in court the jury had soon taken the side of the mother.

She wanted to summon Yuuna as a witness, who had picked up an imagined conversation about the kidnapping, but when Kidou threatened to reveal their affair she withdrew. Her testimony would seem as act of revenge and jealousness, and even more people would find out that her husband had an affair with another male.

Then she had the brilliant idea to let Yara testify against her father, who explained with childlike innocence that daddy took her one night before she could say goodbye to mommy. Lucky for them, his lawyer made sure that Yara got labelled as too young to testify. It is too easy to manipulate a child, and therefore her declaration was invalid. Unfortunately, they gathered enough evidence. Fudou is an unstable parent who has not enough to provide for his daughter, it had been a misguided kidnapping. They could not muster any sympathy for the man with the criminal record who initially forced an abortion on the mother and threatened her when she wouldn't do it. A man with no job, who was still involved with dealing drugs, and didn't want anything to do with his daughter the first few months.

 _Bullshit_ , Fudou called it, but the jury pleaded him guilty.

Fudou had acted on an impulse, he wanted to protect his daughter. The way he handled was wrong, but he acknowledges his mistakes and indicates his regret (this at the insistence of Kidou and his lawyer). Ultimately, the judge came to two years, but it could be an early release if he exhibited good behaviour. Kidou begged him to behave, not only for himself but for his daughter. She should not grow up with her father in prison.

He barely sees Yuuna these days, he is trying to avoid her as much as possible. He often sleeps in one of the guest rooms. He is focussed on his work and uses every opportunity to work longer. When he's not at work he tries to spend as much time as he can out of the office with friends. Yuuna wants to keep trying with her husband, she cooks for him and gives him presents he's not waiting for at all. Kidou drinks more, he thinks it's necessary to be at least a little intoxicated to endure the company of his wife. The only thing that gets him through is the thought that he will be a father, and whatever happens, he will not leave the child alone with his mother. He wonders if this was Fudou's argument as well when he took Yara. Kidou misses Fudou incredibly, but there's nothing he can do about it. Occasionally he gets letters from him. He gave Fudou his office address so Yuuna won't find out that they're still in touch. And when Fudou is allowed to call they use his work phone. Fudou tells him about his adventures in prison, but Kidou suspects that most of it isn't true. He just wants to appear strong in front of Kidou. Kidou keeps him up to date with the developments around his daughter. He already has someone keeping an eye on her. If there is any signal that Yara's 'kidnapping' was the right thing to do, it is possible Fudou could be released.

Kidou finishes his drink, he's drinking scotch without the ice these days, much stronger. Fudou often teased Kidou with his low alcohol tolerance, but now Kidou is happy with it. He promised Yuuna that he would come to their room to spend some time with her and the baby. When he enters the bedroom Yuuna is on bed, wearing beautiful new lingerie specially made for pregnant women, reading a magazine. She looks up at him with a smile when she sees her husband come in. "Did you know that it doesn't hurt the baby if we have sex?"

"Is that what your magazine says?" Kidou notes, a little annoyed, while he loosens his tie.

"Yes, you can go on with having sex during the pregnancy as long as you want. Unless there are medical reasons why we should not do it. Sex during the pregnancy isn't only pleasurable, but it helps the mother prepare for giving birth. It keeps your pelvis smooth and strong." Kidou smiles faintly, he can come up with enough medical reasons why they should not be having sex, but he keeps his mouth wisely shut. He bought her this magazine so she would be distracted for he while. If he would have known this would happen…

"Many woman think that by having sex it's infringing the safety of the baby, and that it could even cause a miscarriage, but that's not true." His wife quotes with absolutely no hint of shame, and ignoring Kidou's disturbed expression. "There is no chance that the penis will reach the baby when it penetrates. This is because the foetus is packed tightly in the membranes and amniotic fluids." She rubs slowly over her own bulging belly.

Fudou had told Kidou that Takanashi had no visible stomach until a few weeks before the delivery, it was barely visible that she was pregnant. Yuuna, on the other side, is obviously pregnant. If he would still have any feelings for her he would have loved the sight of his pregnant wife. He would be the proud father he is now only pretending to be, because he doesn't feel anything. Not for her, at least. "Moreover, there is a bend in the vagina so the penis can't even come near the uterus."

That's a little too much information for Kidou. If he had been tempted to do it with her, then these facts were surly not a stimulation. Rather a major turn off.

"It would be able to feel the rocking motion, but it would only put it to sleep. It's like I'm walking, it won't be any different." It bothers Kidou that she still referrers to their child as 'it'. She refuses to go to the doctor with him and ask for the gender. She wants it to be a surprise.

Kidou only thinks of that as impractical. Fudou thought for three months that he was having a son, but eventually he got a daughter. Unlike them, they can actually afford preparations such as a crib, preparing the baby room, and purchase clothes. That's actually what he would like to do, it would give him the feelings that he can still do something for his child, instead of letting him come to the world with a terrible mother. Yuuna must have notices that it troubles Kidou and sits up.

"Yuuto, I would like to make an appointment with the doctor. I think it would be good for us to see the baby, and know the gender." She caresses fondly over her belly. "I'm actually very curious too if I'm carrying a boy or a girl with me."

Kidou's mood brightens up, normally this news would not have much effect on him, but then he's not completely sober. "You would? I mean, I could call the doctor now and make an appointment for us tomorrow."

Yuuna giggles at his enthusiasm and moves herself on her knees. She holds Kidou by his tie and draws him closer. "So," she whispers softly in his ear. "If I do this for you, would you help me?"

Her hands start with loosening his buttons. "I am incredibly _horny._ " To reinforce her last words she caresses Kidou over his crotch. Kidou gently nudges his nose against hers and kisses her. It's been months since they were intimate, and had any physical contact. It's the combination of the alcohol, Yuuna's beautiful lingerie, the news of the doctor's appointment, and that he's been dry for a while now that he allows this. With one hand he unhooks her new bra and gropes her breast, which have increased in size since her pregnancy. He is gradually becoming more enthusiastic. He slowly caresses her body, down until he reaches her protruding belly. When he feels that he abruptly stops. The exciting feelings he felt vanished the moment he touched her stomach. How can he have sex with her if his son or daughter is this close? He gently pushes her away from him. "I can't."

Yuuna exhales an annoyed sigh and lets herself fall down on the bed. "Is this about _him_?"

"What? No, it's not. This is about that I can't do… _this_ while you're carrying our child. It doesn't feel right."

"I don't think it would mind, it's how you got it in me too." Kidou makes a sour face, did she have to put it like that? "You know what? Fine, then don't." She says fiercely as she pulls the covers over herself. "Just leave to your office and pathetically jerk yourself off to a photo of your ex-boyfriend. But you can forget about the echo now.'

Kidou wisely ignores her first comment. "You let a doctor's appointment depend on whether I sleep with you or not? Now _that_ is pathetic."

"Call it whatever you want but if I don't get what I want then neither are you."

"You already took what I want from me." He mutters quietly. "Alright, if I have sex with you, will I be able to see my child?"

Yuuna's mood is immediately restored and she smiles sweetly. "Of course, honey." It's almost sickening how abruptly her mood changes when she finally gets what she wants. Kidou takes off his shirt and climbs over his wife. This woman is not the woman he was forced to marry five years ago. That young, just eighteen year old girl, who was paired with him after a _business_ deal between their fathers. If Kidou would have known that hour would have changed his life he would not have done his best to satisfy that old pervert and showed him the door.

Yuuna was very different when they first met. She was sweet, shy, and caring. He wanted to protect her from their fathers' choice, and show her that being forced to marry him would not be as bad as a marriage with another man. He didn't think he would become the victim once again years ago.

After the night that he got the news everything went rather quickly. The engagement was made official that same day and he would meet her as soon as she turned eighteen. While his father and the staff were busy with the preparations for the wedding Kidou went back to his own apartment, trying to think of a way to tell Fudou that he is engaged. But Fudou had other concerns on his mind. He had to take care of his girlfriend and new born daughter. He was looking for a job and a place to live. Kidou suggested that they could live in his apartment. He could sleep with Takanashi in his room, Fudou's room would transform into a room for the baby, and Kidou would move back home. Fudou found it difficult to let go of his pride but Takanashi gratefully accepted his offer, and of course Fudou had been grateful too.

Between studying and preparing for the wedding Kidou tried to spend as much time as he had to help Fudou. They searched for information about parenting together, Kidou helped him finding a job, but what he enjoyed most was refurbishing the baby room. Takanashi chose the furniture and they would paint the walls, it seemed like the best idea to listen to the mother. They spent days together on cleaning, painting and putting together the new furniture. Even though they time together was wonderful, Kidou could not enjoy it the fullest. The wedding was gnawing at him. The weekend before he was going to meet her he finally confessed his engagement to Fudou. Just like how Kidou was shocked to hear about the pregnancy, Fudou was shocked that his best friend was getting married. Kidou told him everything, with the exception of how he got involved into this. Fudou supported him in all the possible ways he could think of. Even though he had a daughter to watch over, he tried to spent most of his free time with his best friend. After Kidou's marriage their lives would be entirely different. Kidou found his difficult to accept, and he suspects Fudou thought the same way about it, because they never seriously spoke about how this would affect their life. Perhaps they both held onto the lie that nothing would change, maybe they could stay together, but they both knew this would be tough.

Yuuna tosses a pack of cigarettes on the table. "Here, I know it's hard on you. I saw you on the balcony." Kidou watches her in uncertainty, waiting for something to follow, a favour perhaps, but that doesn't seem to happen.

"It's just a stage." She smiles. "You're very sensitive to getting addicted. I understand."

Kidou has taking over the smoking after the sex from Fudou, and it's difficult to get rid of it. Soon he was handed a cigarette after every round and he found himself gasping for more. Secretly he smokes on the balcony now, or at work. He smuggles in the packs from the gas station. But in the weekends, it's harder to hide his addiction.

Kidou, who is happy with his wife's good mood, promises that it will be the last one. The cigarettes don't taste the same without sex, without Fudou. It's only a bad habit now, a reminder of his friend. He pulls Yuuna on his lap as a way to thank her and whispers rehearsed phrases in her ear. Things he knows she likes to hear. He tells her how beautiful she is, how happy he is with the pregnancy. He tells her how Fudou was just a phase. A whim from the period of their unhappy marriage. It reminded him of his youth, he felt like a teenager again, and it had been exciting, but there was no future. With the last cigarette from this pack, his superficial feelings for Fudou would be over. Yuuna suppresses a happy giggle and gets up, they're about to get ready for the echo. He watches her as she leaves the room. Once he had real feelings for this woman. It seems so long ago.

The first meeting with his future wife went better than he anticipated. Yuuna was a sweet and innocent girl. Apparently she was relieved too when she saw Kidou, they were both prepared for the worst. Against his expectations they got along really well. They had lots in common too. Their love for literature _and_ sports, she's smart, funny and Kidou actually thought he found his dream girl. Suddenly the whole idea of getting married wasn't so bad anymore. He could proceed with his studies, and then they would start a family together. On the day of the wedding, when he saw Yuuna in her beautiful wedding grown, he was head over heels in love with her and said the resounding yes.

For two years it had gone pretty well. He graduated cum laude from the university and their real life together would start. They moved to a lager house where they would get children, and maybe spend the rest of their lives together. Unfortunately it all went differently than they hoped. The childbearing remained unsuccessful and this caused a lot of tension between them. Their lives consisted of quarrels and planned sex. When the arguments became more intense, and he slept more often in a guestroom than his own bed he realised how much he missed Fudou in his life. The contact between them watered down. At first they called each other occasionally, they texted each other but the amount of texts slowly diminished as the two men were occupied with the family life, and Kidou's lack of it. He never thought this would happen, but through time Fudou had become nothing more than an old high school friend. Someone from your past who seemed very important, but when you reach a new stage in your life you slowly forget about them. He had no idea how his former best friend was doing, until he was standing in front of him again in his home, and there was this spark between them.

It took years for Kidou to realise he had always been in love with his best friend. He was aware that what they shared was something special, but he had never associated it with love before. But it explained the chemistry between them, always that tension, and the kissing under influence. Apparently when they were drunk it was not experimenting, but it were their true feelings that surfaced. He often wishes that he would have realised this sooner, then his life would have been different. He would have run away from home with his friend, and Fudou would probably not be in prison. He knows that he can't change the past and he shouldn't think about it too much, but these are the thoughts that keep him awake at night when not Fudou, but Yuuna affectionately snuggles up against him.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading, and please do share your thoughts with me about this chapter, I am looking forward to it!  
Chapter five will be longer (unless I decide to split it again). I love the first part of chapter 5 especially, but for now you guys will have to wait!**

 **Angel**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello! Exams are over for now, and that gave me time to finish this! The last part took me so long, I only wrote three lines and then closed it again. I just wasn't in the mood to write. (And I got addicted to a game,** _ **Undertale**_ **). But I finally finished it yesterday, and finished translating today!**

 **A little promise that this chapter will be better than the last one! There's more Fudou, and Kidou's still a dick.**

 **Enjoy reading!**

* * *

The loose pebbles crunch under his once white worn-out sneakers. He always thought of this as a pleasant feeling, it reminds him of the walks through the woods he made with his mother when he was a little boy. The warm wind rushes through his thin clothes and takes a strong sea breeze along with it. He has only been to the beach once before, when his father had been still living with them. He had had a day off, it was a warm summer day, and his mother wanted to go to the beach with them. First reluctantly, his father pushed him into the car and had drove them to the beach while muttering to himself.

As the buzz and grey colours of the city made place for green trees his father started to enjoy himself more, and while whistling a merry tune he pulled on the coloured wagon, which had been full with plastic chairs, a parasol, a cooler for their drinks, and the small Akio. He remembers how his mother had loosened the straps of his shoes once they reached the beach and let him feel the warm sand between his toes for the first time. It did not feel very different from the sand in the sandbox they had in the kindergarten, but not wanting to disappoint his mother, he nodded obediently when she asked him if he liked it.

The rest of the day his parents did their very best to make it to their son's liking. They made tiny sand cakes (they didn't even taste like cake!), he built a sand castle with his father and the three of them walked into the sea together. A parent on each hand. His mother had been smiling all day. He remembers how his father had carried his mother into the water, and they fell in together after his mother kept struggling. He was afraid that daddy had hurt mommy, or that his father was angry because it was his mother's fault that they were soaked. But that didn't happen. They were still laughing, his father had even kissed mama on her mouth. He had never see them do that before. It's one of his fondest memories of his parents. He had been four years old.

Fudou pulls himself up on a rock, looking over the sea. The waves are hurtling down and the white foam rolls roll further until they burst apart on the rocks, and the water is pushed upwards by the force over the rocks. While the water slides off another wave follows, and it all starts over again. Wave after wave, it doesn't stop, the waves never take a break. He turns around, his eyes scanning the crowd until he sees his friend. He is wearing a white shirt with short sleeves, navy shorts and bright white sneakers he specially bought for this occasion.

"Oi, Yuuto! Slow turtle, hurry up!" He calls out with an unusual amount of joy in his voice. The man with the dreadlocks waves at him, stepping from stone to stone in order to get near his friend. "I won." He states with a smug grin as Kidou, huffing and puffing, finally reaches him. "Means I'm topping tonight, loser."

"I'm amazed you still have such a good condition after all the damage you have done to your lungs with those cigarettes."

"Seems to do me better than sitting behind a desk all day in an office."

"Good point." Kidou walks over to the edge where Fudou just stood, looking out over the water. As he is standing there, he really looks like someone from a foreign country. Despite his casual outfit, he still looks like the same Kidou Yuuto. Unlike Fudou with his orange Hawaiian shirt, with yellow flowers printed on it that hangs loosely around his shoulders. Underneath he wears a plain white shirt, and bright green shorts. And his old sneakers of course. His half long hair is dangling in a loose ponytail over his left shoulder. Kidou has his hair tied up too for a change. It suits him well.

"The view is breath taking." He sighs, still looking out over the endless waves. Above them scratches a gull. "Thank you for taking me here."

"Eh," Fudou shrugs his shoulders. "You drove us down here." Kidou smiles to himself, he knows that Fudou has difficulty coping with compliments.

"'Sides, you came up with what we had to tell your wife so we could run off together." Kidou nods, that's right. He almost succumbed. The stress from work, taking care of his wife, keeping a secret and trying to make his lover happy. Fortunately, Fudou came with the idea, or rather, forced him to take a weekend off. Kidou told Yuuna however that he had a business trip, the weekend she had already planned a trip with her friends, so she could not come with him. What Yara and Fudou would be doing all weekend was none of her concern, even though she had gotten real close to the cheerful girl, who is very quiet and defendant despite her natural rebellious parents. They had left Yara with Gouenji and his partner, the only two who are aware of their relationship and people they can trust.

A few months ago they had been in the same situation as Kidou and Fudou and they understood all too well what the couple is going through. Fortunately, Gouenji's new flame has kids of his own. Fudou would never have entrusted the Chairman alone with his daughter. How easy the goodbye had been between him and Yuuna, how hard it was on Fudou to leave his little princess behind for a while. But it was only a weekend, and to have Kidou to himself for these days, that was more than worth it.

Fudou joins his friend's side and squeezes gently in his hand. "Glad to be here with ya."

They had been standing there for a while, enjoying the weather and breathing in the salty air until dark, threatening clouds appeared above the grey colouring sea. Quickly the two of them searched for a place take cover, but a wet suit was inventible. The rain poured down in a short time before the two had found a dry place to hide.

Wet from the rain, but not cold, because the temperature was still around the twenty degrees, Kidou and Fudou were sheltering under the lean of a dilapidated barn. Thunder rumbles over their heads, but neither of them seems to notice. Their lips are melted together. Kidou's fingers are stroking Fudou's messy, wet hair, tongues seem to perform a dance that only they know the passes of, and Fudou puts his hands on his lover's buttocks to draw him even closer to him.

 _Click._

The couple breaks away from each other. In the woods, between the bushes, they can see something, or rather someone move. A man with a drenched outfit stands up from his crouched position and runs off, a camera filled with Kidou's infidelity hanging around his neck. "Shit." Fudou mutters as Kidou pursues them. The hired photographer runs back to the beach, with Kidou on his heels and Fudou close behind them.

The sandy ground beneath them is turned into a mudslide. Everything looks so different from barely an hour ago. "Yuuto!" Fudou yells as he watches his friend chase the stranger through the muddy underground. The rocks are slippery and treacherous.

"Yuuto, it's not worth it!" His voice is almost inaudible over the sound of the raging waves and the constant heavy rain. The wind, which had perceived a welcoming breeze in the hot weather at first, rages around him and the sand it takes with it chafes over the bare parts of his body and face. Meanwhile Kidou reached the top just after the man, and proceeds to follow him, blinded by the rain. On their side, the meters high waves are hitting with an incredible amount of force against the edges of the abyss.

"Yuuto!" He shouts again, in a desperate attempt to reach him. Above them clatters the thunder again. With eyes like saucers Fudou watches as Kidou, blinded by the flash of the lightning, makes a misstep and falls backwards.

"YUUTO!" He shrieks while he starts to climb his way up as well. The man with the camera remains yesteryear for a moment, he seems to hesitate, but with fear of his own life he proceeds to flee from the scenery he caused. Fudou slides off the rocks countless of times because of his trembling limbs. His arms are full of cuts and his clothes are colouring a dirty, dark red because of the blood and mud. Filled with determination he carries on, not feeling any pain. If there is a chance that Kidou is still alive, then he will find him.

Fudou rushes to the edge, frantically looking around. "Yuuto! Where are you?" On one of the rocks below, he sees Kidou's sneaker. He fears the worst as his eyes scour the rough water.

"Akio!"

He remains motionless. There follows another clap of thunder. Did he imagine that?

"Akio! I'm here!"

Suddenly he sees him, he has his hands firmly clenched on the branch of an old, fallen tree. He's alive, Fudou realises. Alive, but still not out of danger. That branch won't last long. He lowers himself until he's within reach of Kidou. He lays down on the wet underground. "Give me your hand!" He stretches his bleeding arm out to him.

"I can't!" Kidou calls in fear.

"You can! Just give me your hand and I'll pull you up!"

"I'll fall!" Kidou's big, red are filled with anxiousness.

"You'll fall too when you keep hanging there! Life's about making choices and taking risks remember? You won't win if you can't take them!" Maybe not the best thing he could say to Kidou in this situation, but pep talks were never his thing. Suddenly he's able to think of something that will have him listen to him.

"Do you trust me, Yuuto?"

"This is not really the best time, Akio!"

"Do you trust me? Just answer the bloody question!"

"Yes, of course I do!" He replies hastily. Under him some rocks fall down and hit the water, but the splashing noise is overruled by the low rumble of the thunder which makes the ground under them vibrate. Even Fudou almost loses his balance.

"Then trust me! I am coming for you! I promise that I will pull you up, but I need your help! You have to give me your hand! So please, trust me on this! I will get you back here!"

The look in Kidou's eyes changes. He nods and pulls himself up with all the strength he has left in his arms. He lets go with one hand, Fudou leans forward. There are sticks and stones pressing into his sides, but Fudou ignores the pain. The branch that is carrying Kidou's full weight now makes a dangerous cracking noise. "Akio, it won't last!"

"Just a little more…!" Fudou leans a little further over the edge, desperately trying to hold on to him. His whole body is aching, but he reaches out for Kidou again and…yes! He's got him! Kidou's hands cling on Fudou's arm. He pulls, and pulls, but he won't succeed. Something his withholding him from dragging Kidou back up. "What's wrong?"

Fudou looks a little further down, Kidou's shorts are stuck on one of the other branches. "You're stuck!" Kidou's eyes fill with panic, but that's just for a brief moment. Suddenly he doesn't look all too scared anymore, while Fudou himself is still terrified. "Let me go." He says firmly.

"Are you insane?!"

"You won't last much longer Akio! At this rate we will both fall!"

"I don't fucking care!" He wants to try again; he needs to keep pulling. He promised Kidou he'd get him back safely, he promised himself. The rain is blinding his vision, soaking them to the core, and slowly Kidou's hand is slipping from his grip.

"You have a daughter to take care of. You can't leave her alone!"

"Don't gimme that bullshit now, Yuuto! It's fucking selfish. What about your sister?" There's a small smile curling on Kidou's lips, and it sends a shiver down Fudou's spine. He knows that smile all too well.

"Thank you for everything, Akio."

"Don't you fucking—!"

"I love you."

Kidou's hand slides out of his. Frozen on his place, his hand still reaching out to the man he loves, he is forced to watch as Kidou falls and eventually vanishes into the violent waves.

Fudou jolts up straight in his bed. He's breathing heavily, his shirt is soaked and sweat is running in rays over his forehead. The last images flash for the brunet's eyes, and Kidou's last cry for help is still echoing through his head.

"Bad dream?" Asks the man in the bed under him.

"Sorta." He mumbles back. Shortly after the lights flicker on. It's half past six, the morning is starting in prison. It's been four months after Fudou's definite sentence, and that's when the nightmares started too. The first part of the dream did really happen, that's why his dreams feel so real. In reality however, the man with the camera never showed up, Fudou had managed to open the old door of the barn and claimed his reward, that he would be topping, right there in the damp straw. When they were done, the sky cleared again and they had gone back to the hotel for a long, hot bath together. Unfortunately, his dreams never end that romantic. Sometimes he's the one who falls, he gets pushed off the rocks by Yuuna, or his daughter gets involved somehow. The dream, as beautiful as it starts, then turns into one of his biggest fears and abruptly ends. Just like his relationship with Kidou after he got arrested. Only Kidou, and the news about Yara are helping him through his days.

Fudou had not prepared himself for going back to prison. Before Yara's birth he had been convinced he'd end up in jail one way or the other, but with the arrival of his daughter his life changed for the better. He had changed. He took life more seriously. He had never expected this the first time he got arrested. Previously, living the full time life of a criminal seemed to be reserved for him.

The first time he got interrogated it took them almost the full six hours. The officers asked him questions, but he gave nothing away. They wanted to know everything about him, how long he had been involved with this gang of his, when he became the leader. What were they handling in? Who else was involved? Fudou kept his mouth shut. After several hours another agent was placed on his case. A rough, muscled man took a seat in front of him. Instead of question him he started to talk. He spoke of how he ended up in prison many years ago. Wrong friends, drugs, the whole mess. Fudou could bring up some respect for this man, and he started talking. Eventually they made a deal. Fudou would confess some things, but only about himself and his relationship to the youth drug circuit which enriched to Tokyo. He would be held in prison for a while, but at least his members would be safe. They had a deal.

The Youth Prison was different than he had imagined. Juvenile, it almost seemed like a day care of kids. You're still a child, even with Fudou's seventeen years, so how bad could it be? Bedbugs, mould on the walls and floors, burn marks on the furniture, and nasty, expired food. Actually, not very different from the facility he had been staying in before. But this time, he was alone again. He had no followers. His tough mohawk and tattoos meant nothing inside. He would have to prove himself all over again.

And that's something he had no trouble with. If there's anything "leaders" can't stand then it's people who form a threat to them. It works on their nerves. Of course you can hit hard and earn your spot, but Fudou is not the strongest. He is small and fragile. He must therefore play his game differently. He learned to use his brain instead, something the big guys lacked. The first weeks he kept a low profile. He did what was asked of him, studied the various groups in prison and joined one eventually, one that had the weakest leader in his eyes. He got them extra candy, took the blame after a trifle, and negotiated with the guards for cigarettes and phones. He was smart and fast. Soon enough he was noticed and within weeks he was the second hand of the former leader, who completely trusted Fudou. Fudou waited patiently until the time was ready for a coup d'état, in which all his newly gained followers turned against their boss. Fudou took over the leadership, and created the strongest group of young criminals behind bars that the juvenile had ever seen.

Of course, life was very different than on the streets. They had tasks, duties and responsibilities. They lived according to a strict day schedule, and for the first time since the Football Frontier Fudou had some regularity in his life.

 _07:45 am: lights on, communal breakfast and chores (cleaning, doing the dishes, etc.)  
08:55 am: school, the workplace, or kitchen duty  
12:15 pm: communal lunch  
01:45 pm: school, workplace or kitchen duty  
04:00 pm: drinking tea with the group  
04:30 pm: free time in your room  
06:00 pm: communal dinner  
07:00 pm: evening activities  
09:45 pm: back to the room  
10:30 pm: lights off  
_

Fudou went to school in the mornings. He followed Japanese, English and economic classes. His level was higher than the other guys, so in the afternoon he was allowed to work in the kitchen. Under the leadership of Jon, a prison chef from America who had managed to get exiled from Iceland, Fudou learned to use his brain for other things than crime. He turned out to be very good with his hands in the kitchen, and Jon said he has golden palates. He learned new recipes, techniques, and sometimes he was allowed to play the role as sous chef. The kitchen had turned into his territory, and that worked in his advantage.

Were you useful to Fudou and you could prove yourself then there was a high chance you got an extra portion when the food was being served. Did you disappoint him, then he took the effort to make something extra special, and you'd find unsavoury things in your food.

"Hey boss," The low voice of Rikio, one of his henchmen. Fudou grins, he loves that name. "New people are coming in today. Are we going to show them who's in charge here?" The slightly older, chubby male sounds excited.

The new load of youngsters who came in were almost the most fun to him, they were so easy to manipulate. Especially the youngest, who had been their school's toughest bullies and thought they were cool with their charges of minimal violation and small crimes of stealing a chocolate bar or cigarettes. But once they saw Fudou, surrounded by his minions, they cringed.

"Hold up there." Fudou stops one of the new boys, who stiffens in the hall and remains on his place as soon as he hears his menacing voice. Fudou heard through the grapevine that he was quite something at his old school. Time for Fudou to show him who's the boss in here now he's standing in his territory. With one snap of his fingers two accomplices push him against the wall.

"What's your name, kiddo?"

"T-Takeru."

"Alright, liking it in here, Takeru?" He slowly approaches the orange haired boy. At the end of the hall Rikio is on watch. Fudou knows that when he whistles a certain tune they have to get out of here. The boy looks at him with widened, frightened eyes. "Good, really good. I'm sure you heard about how your parents can send you money so you can buy stuff in here, didn't you?" The guy nods, too afraid to answer. There's nothing left of that slender, school bully. Orange hair, freckles over his entire face, and long limbs. Fudou gets why he became a bully in high school, he must have been the victim years ago. He can't bring up any pity for the ginger. This will teach him that some kids got more going on than him. "You can buy real nice things in here; candy, chips, I recommend buying yourself some flip flops first. The showers here are real nasty, don't want an infection now, do we?"

"T-Thank you , sir."

Fudou smirks maliciously, 'sir'? Fudou must be two years older at least. The fear is already craved deep into this boy, definitely a previous victim. Fudou will crush his soul. "You leaving someone behind out there, Takeru? Parents, siblings, a girlfriend?"

"M-My parents and little brother."

"Ahh, nice. So you have a brother huh? Must look up at his older brother. His own example, the so called _badass_ of the neighbourhood, even in prison now. Man, how you've made it. Do you miss him?"

"I-I do sir."

"It's tough, huh?" Fudou gestures at the other two that they have to let Takeru go, and he puts his own hand on his shoulder. "All alone in here. I think you can use some comrades. We could be really great friends, you and I. But then you'll have to do something for me first." He squeezes firmly in the boy's shoulder. "You see; I've got a ma to take care of. Ain't got no daddy, so I need to support her."

He can't feel bad about his lie anymore; he has surpassed that point long ago. Depression, feelings of guilt? What are you talking about? He's having the time of his life in here. "You get what I'm saying? I need money, your money. So when you get the chance to write down your account number, instead of yours, you're gonna write down mine. And you know how I know that you're gonna do that for me, Takeru?"

The boy cringes and shakes his head, he must look Fudou in the eye, because he's too terrified to avert his eyes from him. Two eerie green eyes are staring right back at him. "'Cause I got people out of this prison. My guys are everywhere 'round town. You from here boy? Maybe you've seen them. Either way, it will not take too long for them to figure out where you live. And if I ain't getting my money by the end of this month they'll start targeting your family. Throw a brick through the window, you know, the innocent shit. But if I don't have my money by the end of the second month, your little brother is gonna be in quite a lot of trouble. And we don't want that now, do we?"

"I-I'll do anything you say! I'll write down your account number but please leave my family out of this, and especially my little brother! I'll ask them to give me more, so please!" Fudou laughs and hits the boy hard on his shoulder. "See, I knew we could be friends. You do something for me now, and I'll do something in return later. I always keep my word."

There's a soft whistle. "Time to go, boys." Fudou beckons his two taller minions, there is a security guard near who's patrolling through the corridors of the facility. "Nice meeting with you, Takeru- _kun_."

The adult version of Fudou is taking it easier, he will just serve his time. He has so much to lose, he can't afford any mistakes. He remains outside the gangs, doing his own thing, and he ensures that he doesn't stand out. Seven years ago he frequently found himself in the isolation cell after yet another riot or because of bad behaviour. This isolation cell only has a bed and a toilet, nothing else. You saw no-one and heard nothing. It was absolute silence, and terrifying. On top of that, the days you spent in isolation don't count as real serving time, so the longer and more often you got stuck in solitary confinement, the longer your time in prison lasts. Fudou had spent a something like a month longer in juvenile than he was convicted for. Now this might not be the youth prison, but he principle is the same, and he quickly reserved a spot in the kitchen. Not as chef this time, but a guaranteed place. He still has his ways in the circuit. Even police officers are easy to bribe.

* * *

Kidou glances nervously at his watch, they had an appointment with the doctor twenty minutes ago but there's still no sign of him. On the uncomfortable chair next to him his wife gently squeezes his hand in an attempt to ease him. He is more stressed than she is. Eventually, a young nurse approaches them, and tells them to follow her. Yuuna lies down on the bed in the closed, white room, and she is preparing her for the ultrasound. Shirt up, cold gel on the stomach of his wife, and intense staring at the screen on which black and white images are appearing.

The baby is doing well, there are no abnormalities. It all sounded good to Kidou's ears, but he couldn't make much out of the blur on the screen. The midwife could tell from his facial expression that he didn't understand, so she began to patiently explain to him. She pointed at the head, the tiny hands with even smaller fingers, and the feet with little toes. And Kidou was able to see it at last. He was able to see his first, own, unborn child, and it's beautiful. He had tears in his eyes, and then the redeeming news came, they are expecting a boy. Kidou could not believe his luck, he will have a son. He enthusiastically squeezes in Yuuna's hand, and reaches out for a handkerchief to dry his wife's tears. He will never forget this beautiful moment.

Then something else even more magical than the image happened. The woman put the sound of the equipment on and after a brief rustling noise they were able to hear the soft sound of the beating heart of their son. Kidou had never heard something has beautiful as that before. The heartbeat was surprisingly fast, the nurse explained that the heartbeat of the child in the mother's womb is two times faster than the heart rate of an adult. Nothing odd in the heartbeat, everything is fine with their child.

At the end of the session they get a photograph of their unborn baby to take it home. Kidou keeps it in his wallet.

* * *

Fudou yawns and swings his legs over the bed. He tried to get some sleep now that his bunk buddy isn't there, it's visitors day, but he isn't expecting anyone. Unfortunately for him he could not enjoy his rest, he was tormented by nightmares again. This time about his ex-girlfriend, who got full custody over their child and claimed that Yara had never been his to begin with. The betrayal and stinging pain in his chest hurts, even for a man like him. He loved her once, before their entire relationship got ruined. They were a golden criminal duo.

He met Takanashi on the streets. Wealthy parents with a rebellious daughter who opposed to everything and everyone. She wouldn't even notice him at first, she preferred to hang out with older guys. The rejection was what made her so interesting for him. Eventually he managed to charm her with something that not even she could resist. Something so powerful they would never have to use any other stimulating products ever again. The Aliea Meteorite. All they had to do was win a match against Raimon, and it would be theirs to keep. And football, that's something Takanashi had been rather good at.

After their loss it had been Fudou who didn't want anything to do with his former team, they had disappointed him, he had disappointed them as captain. He was nothing but a second rate. This time he was the one who rejected Takanashi when she came for him, begging him for more power, but he vanished from her life. He picked up his life again when coach Hibiki meddled with his life, and what she was going to do was none of his concern. He suggested that she should go back to her parents and behave like a normal child. Didn't she see it? They ruined everything.

But after winning the Football Frontier, and getting suspended from Teikoku Senior High his life went downhill again. And when he was a free man, he had no-where else to go. He considered to let go of his damn pride and approach Kidou, until he met Takanashi again. She failed dong what her former captain suggested, and her parents had kicked her out. She had no-one, rejected by the society. They were outcasts. They dragged each other through it, and suddenly life wasn't all too bad anymore. It started again innocently, stealing cigarettes and liquor. Fudou got to know an entirely different Takanashi, he wouldn't say that he was in love, but he cared for her and made sure she was safe. They were the masters of deception and drugs.

After Yara's birth everything changed. Takanashi changed, and he did too. They saw life differently. His girlfriend had more trouble to stay away from the drugs than he had. They did well in Kidou's old apartment, Yara could grow up safe in the neighbourhood, but it just didn't work between him and Takanashi. They could no longer tolerate each other's company.

Fudou tried to be the right boyfriend and father Takanashi longed for. He had tried too that evening. He was already home when his girlfriend arrived because he had been fired that morning. They had had a long argument the night before and he overslept. He was cooking, Yara sat in her chair beside him, sucking on something. Takanashi had been glad to see them, her boyfriend and daughter after a long day. They had a nice meal and then they brought their daughter to her bed. They sat together on the old sofa when the next argument began. Fudou told her about his financial status, with no job. He had to, so why not directly?

Several epithets, and plates, were set flying towards his head. This had been the last straw. She would ensure that Fudou would never see his daughter again if he weren't soon to fight a new job, and kicked him out of the house.

Later that night Fudou had gone back, he would never be able to find a job in that short period of time, so he had taken Yara. He will never blame their daughter for their problems and the way they separated. He loves her dearly, more than anyone in this world.

He looks at the drawing he pinned on the wall, Kidou had sent it a couple of weeks ago. It tells a story about a princess and a bulger who found love as he was robbing her. He wonders if those are supposed to be her parents. He wishes he could hear her explain the story to him in person. She has a big imagination and makes the most beautiful drawings with touching stories behind them. She loved it when he read her fairy tales, but now she makes her own. When he closes his eyes he can hear her voice, enthusiastically telling him about her day. He misses the weight on his lap as she falls asleep on him, her little hand clutching the fabric of his shirt. He loved to bury his face in her dark, curling hair that smells like her flowery glitter shampoo. He sighs deeply, he missed her fifth birthday.

"Hey you, get up! There's someone here to see you." Fudou looks up. There's an officer standing in the doorway of his cell. They are not allowed to close the doors during the day, it's open the entire day until the guards close the doors at nine-thirty, half an hour before the lights go off. Fudou is taking to the visitors room. The space is pretty full, prisoners and their family members are busy talking, or arguing. Children are coming to visit their fathers, and wives and mothers are looking either angry or worried. In the corner he spots a man alone on the small table, hands folded. He's nervous, Fudou knows. Other than that, he looks extremely tired and unhappy.

"Hey." Kidou looks at him with tired eyes behind his transparent glasses as he hears Fudou's voice and smiles gently as a greeting. It pains him to see how his friend has deteriorated since the last time they saw each other. He wants to touch him, but restrains himself and sits down. Both are silent, the question 'how are you?' seems inappropriate. Kidou keeps his eyes focused on the table, and Fudou remains silent. He wonders why he's here, he doesn't know what to expect, but whatever it is, it cannot be good.

"How are you holding up?" Kidou eventually asks, his voice is weak but familiar. However, it doesn't reassure Fudou like it usually does.

"You know, the usual." He shrugs, and tells him about the good news he has. _Only_ the good news. He has not been in solitary confinement despite the arguments he sometimes has with the other prisoners. It's still difficult to hold himself back, but he's managing. Sometimes they come to him complaining about hairs in their food, and of course Fudou with his long hair is the first one to get blamed. He's thinking about shaving it all off in the salon, and get nice figures on the side of his head. He tells him about how besides cooking, he's learning new skills as well. He is getting lessons from another inmate, he teaches him to be a tattoo artist in his 'free time'. It's not really an education, but he's good with coming up with pattern, and he loves tattoos. Kidou pretends to be happy for him, asks him not to cut his hair because he likes it more like this, and congratulates him with figuring out what he probably wants to do once he's free. Fudou leaves the nightmares omitted.

"Maybe when I'm free you can help me set something up, you know, help me out with the business."

Kidou turns his face away, and Fudou has had more than enough of this. He leans forward, picking up the strong alcohol scent. "Did you drink?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It _does_ matter, did you drive here? You should be more careful Yuuto. You always insisted that I quit smoking, but you can't even stop reaching out for the damn bottle. You ain't alone in this world. Do you want _your_ child to grow up without a dad like you did? Losing your father in a plane crash, or because he drove with his drunk head against a motherfucking tree is something entirely different. Ain't a burden you want to give to yer damn kiddo."

"That won't happen, and I don't need you to look after me."

"Then who will, your wife? Why are you drinking this much?"

"It eases the pain."

"And you don't think I'm in pain here?!" Fudou quickly moves his gaze to the guard, it hadn't been his intention to raise his voice. It became a habit to look around as soon as possible to check if someone saw you doing something that's officially in violation. But the children are making more noises than his short outburst, the guard hasn't noticed. Kidou doesn't answer him. "They took everything from me! My freedom, my daughter, _you_. I need to live every day with the thought that my daughter is growing up, that she turned five weeks ago and I couldn't be there on her birthday. I can't be on the next one either! I'm stuck here until she forgets she even had a father! Don't start about that it was my own responsibility, because you took me in even though you knew damn well what happened. And now you come here, after months, looking like _shit_ which worries me even more. What's going on Yuuto, what are you hiding?"

Fudou wants to hold his friend's hand but he pulls it right back and looks down again. "We can't do this anymore. I can't come to visit, you can't call, you shouldn't write. We can't see each other. Yuuna…she's almost due and we have to move on with our life. I will be a father soon; I don't have time for an ex-boyfriend in prison."

Fudou isn't sure if the last sentence was supposed to hurt him, because Kidou is speaking with such a fragile voice, it's only his condition that makes his heart ache. This are not his words; these are from his wife. He's certain of that. "Yuuto, whaddya saying?"

"I can't, Fudou. It's over."

The man with the dreadlocks gets up, but before he can walk away Fudou grabs him by his wrist. "Is she threatening you?"

He looks at him helplessly, he cannot answer that question.

"I love you."

"Me too." Kidou answer softly, then he pulls his hand back and rushes out of the room.

* * *

Fudou breathes in the fresh air. It's spring and finally the weather is good enough to spend their breaks outside in their cold, thin prison clothes. The weak sun feels glorifying on his pale face.

"Don't sit out here in the sun too long, son, sunlight ain't solving depressions in here." Someone tells him in English. When Fudou opens his eyes he sees an older man sitting next to him with brown dreads, and grey streaks in his hair. Fudou nods at him as greeting, and they start talking. Fudou has never seen him here before, but this prison is huge, it's easy to miss someone. The dreadlocks remind him of Kidou, and it feels nice and familiar to sit next to this man. Although his way of speaking is entirely different from Kidou's, especially because he speaks mostly English with some Japanese words between sentences. It still makes him think of Kidou, an older version of him.

"Do you have kids, son?" Which sounds more like 'du yuh ave kids, suh', with his heavy accent. Fudou wonders where he's from.  
"A daughter, she's five." English had never been his best subject in high school, but he learned the basics in the youth prison. He talks back with a combination of amateur English and Japanese. He doesn't know how, but they seem to understand each other.

"Young life, that's a blast. Enjoy it while you can. They fly out way too soon."

"If I'll see her again." Fudou snorts loudly.

"Sure you will. Whaddya in for?"

"Kidnapping her from my evil ex-girlfriend."

De man laughs and hits him on his shoulder. "And what brings you here?" He asks curiously.

"Ah, son, my story starts like it does for everyone. I met a girl."

He starts to tell him his story, his name is Demario and he is 48 years old, of which he spent about eight years in Japan, and only two years of that free. Before he moved to Japan he had his own business in his homeland, on an island located in the Caribbean Sea. Son of a fisherman with a good set of brains, he handled in loose car parts and it went across the entire island. He quite made it, along with a good friend of his, and he was rich for the Jamaican terms.

"Can you imagine it? A man with dreads in a suit!"

When he was in his early twenties he met a girl, two years younger, and the love of his life. They had a certain spark, but after a great time together her holiday was over and she went back to Japan. He had never loved anyone more than her, but life goes on. Three years later he married a Jamaican woman, and they got three children. He raised them all with love, and he loved his wife, but the other woman wouldn't go out of his head. He was in conflict, he started to wonder; 'is this all there is for me?', a so called midlife crisis. Eventually he separated from his wife. He put money aside to pay for an expensive agent who would go looking for her. HE had nothing more than a name and an old photograph. She was probably married too, so the search only made it harder as she wasn't carrying her female name any longer. After almost two years the agent returned. He finally found her. She was dead, she and her husband lost their lives in a tragic accident.

"It's strange how life can play with you."

Of his last money that hadn't gone to the divorce, his children, and the agent he had travelled to Japan to say goodbye to her. He left everything behind, even his children. Once he got to Japan he suffered from a major depression. What had he accomplished in life? He had lost everything, his love of his life, his wife, he abandoned his children and wasted his money on gambling, drugs and alcohol. After those two years he made the biggest mistake of his life. After an evening drinking he got behind the wheel, and in the darkness of the night he had hit a girl who was chasing her dog over the street late at night.

"I was in shock; I didn't know what to do. I had been drinking, so instead of calling an ambulance I drove off. I couldn't live with myself so the following morning I headed to the police department to turn myself in. I learned that the girl was still alive, she was at the hospital, but she'd definitely make it. I was less lucky, a hit and run is ten years here in Japan. And here we are. People do crazy shit 'round here. Anyhow, I'm in here for six years already, two still to go on good behaviour. But you know, when I get out, what does life have to offer for me?"

Fudou had been listening in silence all this time to his story. Could it be? There sounds a loud buzzer over the field. The break is over, he must return to the kitchen and prepare for dinner. Demario waves after him. "It was nice talking to you, son. Let's meet up again some time, and we'll talk about some less depressive shit. I got some good stories to tell ya."

When Fudou is back in his bunk later that night he can't fall asleep. Coincidence does not exist, Kidou once told him, but this shouldn't be possible, right? How could it be that he encounters this man, a man with a story similar to what Kidou told him. A summer holiday, stocking love, an accident. Then there are the indispensable dreadlocks and red eyes. Kidou has a light skin tone, but it's almost striking.

The following day he goes back, a photo of Kidou stuffed in the pocket of his shirt. He walks resolutely towards him. Demario is surprised to see him again this soon. He starts talking about a country with white sand, palm trees and always beautiful weather. Fudou is trying to steer the conversation subtly to the woman of his dreams, but the old prisoner seems too delighted to have a partner to talk with to notice.

"Do you have someone you love so much, but you can't be with them?"

"Yeah, I got someone." Of course it is tempting for Fudou to say his daughter, she means everything to him, but this is finally his chance to get in the right direction.

"The mother of your child?"

"No, it's a man." Demario quirks a brow, but lets him tell his story.

"Met him years ago, I was fourteen. Already a piece of shit back then, and he hated me. No surprise, considering what I did to his friends, but as we grew older we became closer. I was a pretty angry kid, lots of issues, but I hated him a 'lil less than I hated the rest of the world. The guy's always been there for me when I needed him, even when I didn't fucking ask for it. But that's just the guy he is. He cares a lot about others. Didn't have the easiest youth; lost his parents at a young age in a plane crash, got adopted and separated from his younger sister. He got surrounded by people who claimed to be wanting the best for him, but crushed him at the same time. Yet he's still standing, and I guess I admire that. He's a genius too, good at everything he does. Studying, sports, just not communicating. He keeps too much for himself, socially awkward is what you'd call it. Although he's improved over the years. I don't know how he did it, but I care for that man. We have always been drawn to each other, ever since we were teens. But now I'm stuck here, and I can't see him.

"You speak with deep care about him. I can see by the look in your eyes that you love him." Demario says slowly after Fudou's little chaotic speech.

"Yeah," Fudou gets the picture out of his pocket and hands it to the man. "This is him."

Demario remains silent for a long time, looking at the photograph of the young man in his hands. It's like he's looking at a picture of himself when he was a few years younger, but with a pale skin. The facial expression, his red eyes, and his stance match with himself, but his smile reminds him of someone else. Someone he hasn't seen in a very long time. "Fudou-san," he says once he found his voice. Thinking deeply of how to continue his sentence. "What's your reason for showing me this?"

"I think he's your son."

* * *

"Yuuto, do you have a moment?"

Kidou is working behind his desk. He has an important appointment tomorrow morning and he has to complete the preparations. He has worked on this for months. Tomorrow he will give a presentation to the heads of two other enormous companies, if everything runs smoothly they can merge and expand together. His father will be so proud. "Not now, I am working."

Yuuna walks, or waddles rather, determined over to her husband's desk and shuts the laptop with a loud thud. "You can't be serious, it's only a month until our baby will be born and the only thing you think of is working. Can you not spare five minutes for your wife?"

Kidou sighs deeply, then he relaxes his shoulders as he turns his desk chair towards her. He pushes his glasses up on his nose and looks at his wife. "Alright, what do you need?"

Yuuna is a tad surprised, Kidou's voice had been gentle and patient just now, she hasn't seen this expression on his face for a long time now. It reminds her of the old days when it was still good between them, and a slight blush spreads over her cheeks. "I…" she doubts whether she should continue. She came here for a reason and decided to get angry with him, but as she looks into his eyes now the anger vanishes like snow in the sun. Their relationship has changed after he broke all contact with Fudou. The first few weeks he had been grumpy, but eventually she had finally heard him laugh again when he dropped a cup from her hands. He had picked it up for her, cleaned the floor and gave her a kiss on her forehead, telling her to be more careful before she hurts herself. It finally seemed like how it was before, when they were truly happy together. And she wants things to go back to how it was, so she has to carry through. "…I wanted to talk about your alcohol consumption."

Kidou's gentle expression immediately changes. Perhaps his good mood had only been her illusion, she is longing to see her old husband. "You can't continue like this, Yuuto." She says softly as she puts her hand on his arm. "Talk to me, but stop drinking. You are soon to be a father, our son can't see you like this…"

He shakes her hand off his arm only briefly after the contact. "I am perfectly capable of knowing what good is for me. Once he is born, everything will be different."

"Will it? Can you assure me you will stop drinking once our baby is born?"

"Yes."

Yuuna seeks support of the edge of the desk, his stubborn resistance makes her blood boil inside. She wants to believe her husband, but she can't trust him now. "A child asks a lot from a relationship. If you are not strong enough now to stay sober when things get tough for you, how do you think you can handle it once he's here? The stress, the sleepless nights. You can't go on like this. You can't keep hiding behind your work and drinks."

He averts his gaze from her. It's useless, of course it's useless. She is not enjoying this either. She wishes all of this would be different. If that criminal hadn't showed up with his daughter, then they would have been able to enjoy her pregnancy together. They would have been happy. He ruined _everything_ for them. They could have been a happy family. "I just want to see my old Yuuto…"

"It's too late to be wanting that." The fierce look in his crimson eyes make her flinch. "Don't you get it? I don't love you. I love _him_. I have been happy with you, but that was only an illusion. I've always liked him. I don't want this life. We have had our good times, and I thought that it might have been fate when we first met, but I can't do this. You don't want this life anymore either, right? This forced marriage we are both trapped in. We have been listening to our parents for far too long, we have our own lives, Yuuna. And mine is not with you."

"But I do love you… this marriage might have been forced, yes, but we were so happy together. You can't tell me that the first years were a lie, just an act!"

Kidou slams with his fist on his desk. "Please stop this nonsense! I don't want to force my feelings for you any longer. I am here to look after you during your pregnancy and the period that comes after. A mother should not stand alone in this. But once Akio is released then I am out of here. Then I am going to start my future with him. We may not be together now, but that won't be forever. Our lives are not over yet. It took me so long to realise this. In one and a half year he will be a free man, and I can finally start with my own life."

"After all I've done for you, you just put me to the side?"

"After all you've done for me? After all you've done _to_ me you mean. I am sincerely sorry that I cheated on you. I should have told you about my feelings. I should have been honest right from the beginning, not only to you, but also to him. To my father years ago. It was wrong, I know, I made a terrible mistake, but why did you have to send an innocent man to jail? Because you wanted to take revenge? We both made mistakes, and neither one of us is innocent. But you should have taken revenge on me directly, and not punish him for my feelings. It has always been my choice to be with him, he didn't deceive me. I never asked you to remain loyal to me either."

Yuuna is turning paler and paler, all of the blood seems to leave her face. She can't believe what she just heard. Distraught, she tries to find words to respond, but she doesn't know what to say anymore. She feels abandoned by her own husband. Betrayed all over again by her own family. Suddenly she feels a sharp pain in her abdomen. Again she grabs onto the edge of the desk. She is dizzy, the room seems to be spinning in front of her eyes. Kidou looks at her suspiciously. He wonders whether this is another one of her tricks to get his attention. As soon as he sees her grasping for air he jumps to his feet and holds her by her arms. "Yuuna? Yuuna! Answer me!"

"The baby!" She cries out, arms wrapping around her bulbous belly. She lets out another cry, moaning in pain. Kidou looks down, thick, hot liquid is flowing over his wife's leg and forms a dark puddle on the floor. He carefully lets her sink on her knees, as she can't be standing up any longer. Kidou tries to support her. She grabs onto him, breathing heavily, her eyes half closed. She is attempting to speak, but Kidou puts his finger on her lips and caresses over her blonde hair. In a moment of clarity between the panic he rings the alarm number. "They'll be here soon. Please, stay strong." He whispers as he continues stroking her hair. His cheeks are wet, he doesn't know whether it are her tears or his own.

"Don't let me lose him too…"

* * *

 **I did it again, didn't I? Leave you all in such suspense. There's no end to this suffering! It's just an Angel thing, I suppose. But hey, if you wouldn't like it you would not come back again and again to read it. You all love this, don't you?**

 **Please leave a review if you enjoyed it (and if you didn't).**

 **Angel**


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